


Pretty Soldier Simpson Moon

by gkscotty



Series: Pretty Soldier Simpson Moon [1]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime), Sailor Moon - All Media Types, The Simpsons
Genre: Comedy, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Early Work, Gen, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:50:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 50,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1730093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gkscotty/pseuds/gkscotty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JANEY: So you're saying I'm crazy.<br/>ALLISON: I'm just saying that girls can't do magic, cats can't talk, and nobody would go into a battle wearing a leotard covered with bows. Right, Lisa?<br/>LISA (embarrassed): Well, I wouldn't say anything is strictly impossible.</p><p> </p><p>The moon cat Luna has finally finished her long, long search for the Pretty Soldier of Love and Justice, SAILOR MOON!</p><p>... it's Lisa Simpson. Nobody is more bewildered about this than her.</p><p>Originally published in 2002, this is a fond parody of Sailor Moon (and various other anime) using Simpsons characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lunacy in Springfield! Lisa's Bizarre Transformation!

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note before we begin...
> 
>  
> 
>  **This is an old fic.** I believe it was finished back in 2002 or earlier. So please don't be surprised if you see out of date references, (and you will! NAPSTER REFERENCES!) or if canon events have contradicted this fic since then.
> 
>  
> 
> However, I have gone through it and tidied it up a bit, removing some ideas I thought were funny back then and reworking some other stuff.
> 
> I'm reposting it now because the recent new subs currently being shown on Hulu have inspired me to pick up work on the sequel to this, Simpson Moon R (which is its own story and not as directly inspired as this fic.) And I can't very well post a sequel if the original is not easily available!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> The Simpsons is the property of Matt Groening and FOX. Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and TOEI.
> 
>  
> 
> ... PS, it has been made clear to me while posting this that I am a complete CSS noob. If anyone could help with improving the appearance of the tables, it would be appreciated.

 

 

 

 

# THAT STUPID TEXT THAT  
GOES AT THE START  
OF THE DUB INTRO  
GOES HERE  
("A long time ago, galaxy's greatest adventure, blah blah blah")

But that was Star Wars. This is something a lot sillier.

 

A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

 **"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 1 : "Lunacy in Springfield! Lisa's bizarre transformation."

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

 

 **INT: SIMPSONS TV ROOM, DAY**  
BART and LISA sit on the couch eating their breakfast. The familiar opening music of an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon is heard.

**CUT TO:**

**TV SCREEN**  
Usual I &S title screen. The title is "Episode 76 : Breadknives don't just cut bread! Itchy's surprising revelation!"

**CUT TO:**

**STREET IN CARTOON TOKYO**  
ITCHY stands in the street, looking at a map. Camera pans around a few times, looking at pictures of the sky, the houses, the street, the ground, the birds, the clouds, the dogs, the walls and the inevitable cherry trees (complete with blossom) This takes about 3 minutes, while slow, relaxing music plays.  
SUDDENLY the background starts flashing red and battle music starts, as SCRATCHY attempts to hit Itchy with a flying kick. Itchy just ducks and Scratchy lands a few feet away from him.

 

Close-up of Scratchy glaring at Itchy, for about 2 seconds.

Close-up of Itchy glaring at Scratchy, for about 2 seconds.

Close-up of Scratchy glaring at Itchy, his eye twitching, for about 4 seconds.

Close-up of Itchy glaring at Stratchy, his eye twitching, for about 4 seconds.

Close-up of Scratchy glaring at Itchy, his face turning red and shaking his fist, for about 8 seconds.

Close-up of Itchy glaring at Stratchy, his face turning red and shaking his fist, for about 8 seconds.

 

Scratchy snarls, and charges Itchy! Itchy charges Scratchy! Scratchy holds out a palm! A huge laser beam - about 4 foot wide - shoots at Itchy! Itchy flies out of the way and starts throwing a million breadknives! The breadknives cut scratchy into many little bits and embed themselves in his noggin.  
A panting Itchy lands on the ground, sighs to himself, (phew!) bows to his ex-opponent and starts to prepare some celebratory green tea.

  
SUDDENLY, aliens attack!

 

**CUT TO:**

**THE SIMPSONS TV ROOM**  
Bart and Lisa are still watching, as various miscellaneous fight SFX come from the TV. Their eyes are bulging in confusion.

 **LISA:** Uh, Bart... what's happening now?  
 **BART:** I'm not sure... I think they want vengeance for the death of Klu Klux Klam, but they don't know that Klam was only sent to the next dimension by Itchy in episode 132.  
 **LISA:** But the title at the start said it was episode 76!  
 **BART:** (shrugs) It's one of those time travel things I think... ( **SFX: DING!** ) Hey, they're done!

Bart gets up from the couch, and runs to the kitchen.

**CUT TO:**

**KITCHEN**  
Bart runs over to the oven, opens it up, and removes a baking tray.

 **BART:** Ah, they're finally done... just in time too.

Lisa appears at the doorway.

 **LISA** (suppressing a smile): Bart... have you been (grin) baking?  
 **BART** (defensive): Hey, don't get the wrong idea Lis. You know how it's report card day today?  
 **LISA:** Yes...  
 **BART:** Well, I figured, since you always get good grades for cooking the teacher's some muffins, I could try the same thing and...  
 **LISA:** Bart! I get good grades because I work hard in class and study!  
 **BART:** So you say, but they could just be humoring you to get more muffins...

( **SFX: Bus horn** )

Lisa glances up at the wall clock.

 **LISA:** Oh no, we're late? We're gonna miss the bus!

Bart and Lisa run for the door, pull on their shoes as fast as possible, and grab their bags, but by the time they're out the door the bus is already pulling away. They stand on the sidewalk for a moment, panting, then turn to each other.

 **BART/LISA:** MOM!

**CUT TO:**

**KITCHEN**  
MARGE is now here, washing the breakfast dishes. BART and LISA run in.

 **LISA:** Mom, we missed the school bus! Can you give us a lift?  
 **MARGE:** You did what? Oh, I'd like to honey, but your father had a... little accident in his car last night.

**CUT TO:**

**SPRINGFIELD GORGE**  
Closeup of LENNY who is hanging upside down, and sleeping. He suddenly wakes.

 **LENNY:** Huh? Where am I?

He looks down, and sees that he's hanging from a tree branch that's caught in his pants. Springfield Gorge stretches out below him, and Homer's car is still burning at the bottom.

**CUT TO:**

**SIMPSONS KITCHEN**  
BART, LISA and MARGE are still in their positions. LENNY's cries for help can be faintly heard in the background.

 **MARGE:** Homer took my car to get to work today, so I don't have one. You'll have to walk.  
 **LISA:** Walk? Walk! At this rate we'll have to RUN! (she grabs Bart's hand) C'mon, Bart, we're late already!

Lisa sprints off, dragging Bart with her.

 **BART:** Urk!  
 **LENNY** (OS): Helllppp... helllppp...

**CUT TO:**

**BART AND LISA RUNNING**  
Suitable fast-paced music. Bart and Lisa run along, avoiding all sorts of hazards and obstacles. After about 15 seconds, Lisa glances into the car park next to a pre-school nursery and sees a group of small boys teasing what looks like a black cat. She skids to a halt, but Bart continues towards school.  
Lisa approaches the boys.

 **LISA** (angry): Hey, you little brats! Leave that cat alone!

She rushes toward the kids, and they scatter. She gets the cat - it's black, and has some band-aids stuck on its forehead in an X shape. The cat claws at the band aids, trying to get them off.

 **LISA:** Hey, relax kitty... did those bad boys put these band-aids on you? Here, I'll get them off.

She peels off the band-aids. A white crescent moon is under them. As it is shown, the cat's eyes open wide and it looks directly at Lisa. She's startled and drops the cat. It lands on its paws for an instant and then does a backflip about 7 feet up into the air, landing on a car roof. And it stays there, looking closely at Lisa.

 **LISA** (Weirded out): O...kay... well, glad to see you're better now. (starts to turn away, to self) Weird cat. (sudden panic) Oh no! Now I'm even later for school!

Lisa sprints away. The black cat just stays on the car, watching her go.

 

 **INT: BIG BLACK SCARY PLACE (DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM), NIGHT (PROBABLY)**  
A cheesy, big black scary place. Heavy on the stalactites, stalagmites, and mood lighting. The silhouettes of hundreds of YOUMA (cheesy female monsters) crowd a few dozen feet from the throne. An obviously evil woman (QUEEN BERYL) sits on said throne, waving her hands vaguely over a crystal ball. She will never get tired of this.

 **BERYL:** We need far more power to awaken our great ruler, Queen Metallica, queen of RAWWWK! Jimboite! Where are you?

JIMBOITE teleports into the room in-between the Queen and the Youma. He looks just like JIMBO, but in a Dark Kingdom uniform. Still has the purple hat and a skull on the front of his uniform. He bows.

 **JIMBOITE:** Yes, Queen Beryl?  
 **BERYL:** Have you completed your mission?  
 **JIMBOITE:** Yes. Napster is ruined now, and we have a trojan youma in all the file sharing programs created to take its place. Every byte downloaded grants our ruler further energy. The humans' lust for free music will be their downfall.  
 **BERYL:** Good, but data energy is not a very potent source. We need the real thing, human life energy. Take a youma to the world of humans and con some stupid women into giving us theirs!  
 **JIMBOITE:** I've already sent Morgue to a human town, and she's getting ready now.  
 **BERYL:** Good. Bring the energy to me.  
 **JIMBOITE:** Yes, my queen.

 

 **INT: SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY HALLWAYS (DAY)**  
The hallways are empty, except for LISA, who is sneaking down the corridor slowly, looking around carefully. However, she manages to walk straight into SKINNER.

 **SKINNER:** I never thought I'd see the day - Bart Simpson on time, (To self) by about 2 seconds, (shouts to Lisa) Lisa Simpson late!  
 **LISA:** Principal Skinner! I can explain!  
 **SKINNER:** Don't bother. I'm sorry to have to do this Lisa, God knows you don't deserve it, but rules are rules and I must follow them. (Dramatic echo) 2 minutes detention.  
 **LISA** (falls to knees, scream): NOOOOOOOOO!  
 **SKINNER:** No screaming in the halls. 2 and a half minutes detention.  
 **LISA** (scream): NOOOOOOOOOO!  
 **SKINNER:** Didn't you hear me? 3 minutes detention.  
 **LISA** (scream): NOOOOOOOOOOO!  
 **SKINNER** (sigh): Just get to class...

**CUT TO:**

**MS HOOVER'S SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM**  
Lisa opens the door, and creeps in. Her usual class is here, along with MS HOOVER.

 **MS HOOVER:** Ah, so glad you could join us Lisa. I wasn't sure whether I should put today down as an absence or a tardy.

She scribbles on a piece of paper, and hands it to Lisa.

 

 

 

| 

**REPORT CARD : SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL**  
  
---  
  
**NAME :** LISA SIMPSON

| 

**CLASS :** 2A  
  
 

| 

**1st sem**

| 

**2nd sem**

| 

**3rd sem**  
  
**Arithmetic**

| 

A+

| 

A+

| 

A+  
  
**Social Studies**

| 

A

| 

A

| 

A+  
  
**English**

| 

A+

| 

A

| 

A+  
  
**History**

| 

A

| 

A+

| 

A  
  
**Art**

| 

A+

| 

A

| 

A  
  
**P.E.**

| 

D-

| 

C

| 

F  
  
**Attendance - Present** 179 **\- Absent** 0 – **Tardy** 1  
  
Lisa gasps.

 **MS HOOVER:** Sorry, but I'll have to give this year's best attendance prize to... (she checks her attendance log) Ralph.

RALPH gasps, and grins broadly.

 **RALPH** (jubilant): I won, I won! What do I get?  
 **MS HOOVER:** This voucher for 10 dollars off anything at the new Springfield Wal-Mart, and this ham.

She hands Ralph a very large ham on the bone.

 **RALPH:** Hooray for ham!

Lisa sighs and looks dejected.

 

 **EXT: PLAYGROUNDS (DAY)**  
It's recess. LISA sits by a tree with her elbows on her knees, looking sad. JANEY is standing near her.

 **JANEY:** Cheer up Lisa... it's not the end of the world you know.  
 **LISA:** Yeah, I know. And besides, I'm a vegetarian. What would I want with ham?  
 **JANEY:** Exactly. Besides, Ralph really seems to be enjoying it.

Pan to Ralph. He's sitting against a wall with a blank expression on his face, sucking at the thin end of the ham like it's a lollypop.

MILHOUSE approaches the girls.

 **MILHOUSE:** Huh hey Lisa... how was your report card? I got the attendance prize this year! They gave me a Wal-Mart voucher and a packet of peppered steaks!

Lisa just slides her face down into her knees.

 **JANEY:** Uh, Milhouse... now's not the time.  
 **MILHOUSE** (Disappointed): oh...  
 **JANEY** (changing the subject): Hey Lisa, did you hear about that Sailor V character? She was on the World's Wackiest News last night.  
 **LISA:** Sailor V? That's a strange name. Who is she?  
 **MILHOUSE:** Sailor V is a teenage girl in a mask and a sailor suit who catches bank robbers and fights monsters and stuff. They think she's originally from Japan, which explains the costume, but recently she's been seen in a lot in Europe too. She must be on a world tour or something.  
 **LISA:** Guys, don't you know better than to trust a news program hosted by Krusty the Klown?

 

 **INT: 2nd GRADE CLASSROOM (DAY)**  
The whole class is busily working, RALPH is still sucking at his ham. The clock hits 3 o'clock, and the final bell rings.

 **HOOVER** : Okay, pack up, you can leave any time. Just go already.  
 **JANEY** (to Lisa): Tell you what Lisa, to cheer up, why don't we go to that new Wal-Mart and have a look at the jewel counter there. My mom got a job there as the resident expert.  
 **LISA:** Jewels? Aren't there other, better shops in Springfield for them?  
 **JANEY:** Of course, but no other shops are having a huge opening sale right now!  
 **LISA:** Well, I had better head for detention... will you wait for me?  
 **JANEY:** I don't know Lisa, 3 minutes is a long time, it's almost 6 commercials. I don't know if I have that much patience...

 

**CUT TO:**

**DETENTION CLASS**

LISA enters, sits at a desk, and opens a textbook. After a moment Bart sits down next to her.

 **BART:** I guess you're here because you were late, huh?  
 **LISA:** Yeah... why are you here?

Bart doesn't reply, he just hands her a card...

 

 

 

| 

**REPORT CARD : SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL**  
  
---  
  
**NAME :** BART SIMPSON

| 

**CLASS :** 4B  
  
 

| 

**1st sem**

| 

**2nd sem**

| 

**3rd sem**  
  
**Arithmetic**

| 

F

| 

D-

| 

F  
  
**Social Studies**

| 

D+

| 

F

| 

F  
  
**English**

| 

D-

| 

F+

| 

D  
  
**History**

| 

F

| 

F

| 

D-  
  
**Art**

| 

F-

| 

D

| 

D+  
  
**P.E.**

| 

D+

| 

F

| 

D+  
  
cookies

| 

F

| 

F

| 

Ha!  
  
**Attendance - Present** 96 **\- Absent** 24 **\- Tardy** 60  
Bribery doesn't work! One hour detention!  
  
Lisa just looks at Bart.

 **BART:** I don't know what I did wrong Lis! Maybe I put too much Kiwi Fruit and pepper in.

Show the detention clock CLICKing to 3:03. Lisa gets her bags and leaves the detention hall.

 

 **EXT: STREET (DAY)**  
LISA and JANEY walk down the street.

 **LISA:** Really, the perfect attendance thing doesn't bother me that much... I'm more worried about this terrible P.E mark! How did that happen? I joined the hockey team.  
 **JANEY:** Did you ever go back to practice after that game against your brother?

Lisa just glares at her.

**CUT TO:**

**AERIEL VIEW OF THE CITY**

**LISA** (OS, yelled): D'OH!

A flock of birds takes off after the sound.

**CUT TO:**

**BACK TO THE STREET**

**LISA:** I knew I was forgetting something... hey, what's going on over there?

Pan over to show the new Wal-Mart. There is a gigantic crowd out the front.

 **JANEY:** Wow, that sale must really be working.

 

 **INT: WAL-MART (DAY)**  
There are legions of women crowded around the jewelry counter, and just as many other people at all the other counters. They're all fussing over the goods and buying like mad. JANEY'S MOM strides around the store, with a megaphone made of rolled up cardboard.

 **J-MOM** (shouting): EVERYONE, PLEASE ENJOY YOURSELVES! THIS IS THE BIGGEST OPENING SALE IN THE HISTORY OF WAL-MART, EVERYTHING IS AT LEAST 50% OFF AND SOME BRANDS ARE UP TO 80% OFF!

The background darkens, and EVIL, EVIL CLASSICAL MUSIC starts to play. Janey's Mom glares around.

 **J-MOM** (thinking): Yes, spend you fools...

A brief shot of the REAL JANEY'S MOM, who is bound and gagged in a dark room, then a close-up shot of the jewels. A WEIRD EERIE EVIL LIGHT starts swirling around on them, drawing itself into the center of the jewel. J-Mom must really be a FAKE MOM!

 **FAKE MOM** (VO): Little do you know of our evil plot... these bargains are direct from hell itself! These jewels will steal your energy, and send it to our great queen!

**CUT TO:**

**SOME REALLY DARK PLACE**  
JIMBOITE stands here. He holds out a hand and the energy starts to swirl into a ball just above his palm.

 **JIMBOITE:** It's too easy... the energy of stupid women who want jewels...

**CUT TO:**

**THE DOORS**  
People are wedged in the doors. Janey and Lisa manage to POP through.

 **LISA:** This is madness! If I know Springfield, this is an hour away from turning into a riot!  
 **JANEY:** I know! I wonder what my mom is thinking... (she sees her, with the megaphone) Oh! Wow, she's really getting into this! (calls and waves) Mom, hey mom!

FAKE MOM is still laughing to herself a little, and glaring around at the fools. Janey runs over, followed by Lisa.

 **JANEY:** HEY! Mom!

She snaps her fingers in front of FAKE MOM's face until she stops laughing and notices Janey.

 **FAKE MOM** (doesn't know Janey): OH! Dear... you, you're out of school already... dear?  
 **JANEY:** Yeah. I brought Lisa over to have a look at your sale (whisper) like you asked... (normal) Um, isn't it a bit busy around here?  
 **FAKE MOM** : Oh, it's to be expected when a shop this size opens... (she looks carefully at Lisa) I had a hunch you girls would come over, I've been saving a special piece for you...

She heads over behind the jewelry counter, and points out a genuine pearl necklace.

 **FAKE MOM** : This is a genuine, high quality pearl necklace. Normally it would sell for at least $129.99, but since it's a sale and since it's you, Lisa, I could let it go for maybe... $9.99, including tax.  
 **LISA:** What? That's cheap! How can you make money like that?  
 **FAKE MOM** : Well, you wouldn't believe the markup we normally have on these things.  
 **LISA:** Hm... I'm not usually the type to buy jewelry... but it is a great necklace! And it's a great bargain too!

Lisa gets a purse from in her bag, and starts counting out money.

 **LISA:** 5 dollars... 5.75... Hm. (depressed) Sorry, I don't have enough... I'd better leave it till later...  
 **FAKE MOM** (disappointed): Oh... that's a shame. Well, I'll keep it for you.  
 **LISA:** Thanks. I'll probably come back for it...  
 **FAKE MOM** : Okay! (to self) Koises, foiled again!

Lisa wanders off to have a look around the rest of the shop.

**CUT TO:**

**SWEET COUNTER**  
RALPH stands looking at the sweets, holding his $10 voucher in his hand. He licks his lips.

 **RALPH:** Oooh, sweets!

He glances away and the gun counter placed right next to the sweets catches his eye. There's a gun with the price tag "SALE : $9.99." Ralph's attention wavers back and forth between the sweets and the gun for a while, before he fixates on the gun. A GENERIC TEEN watches him carefully.

 **RALPH:** Oooh, a gun like Daddy's!  
 **TEEN** : Uh, are you over 21?  
 **RALPH:** I don't know. But I have a thing Daddy gave me.

Ralph hands the teen a note.

 **TEEN** (reading): This is my son. Refuse him a sale at your own risk! Signed - Police Chief Wiggum. (looks around nervously) Uh, I'll have to ask my manager...

He walks off, leaving Ralph looking at the gun. Lisa sees Ralph looking up at it, sees the voucher in his hand, and gasps.

 **LISA:** Ralph? What are you going to buy?  
 **RALPH** (pointing up): That gun's just like Daddy's.

Zoom in to Lisa's forehead.

 **LISA** (thinking): Uh oh... Ralph with a gun, not a good idea... gotta think of something.

Zoom back out. Lisa looks around, and looks at the sweet rack. She grabs a candy bar.

 **LISA** (persuasive): Ralph, I'll buy you a Mars Bar if you give me that voucher...  
 **RALPH:** Really? Oh boy!

Lisa buys him the candy, gets the voucher, and Ralph skips off happily. Janey walks up behind Lisa.

 **JANEY:** Lisa, that was cruel.  
 **LISA:** Oh come on, do you think it would be a good idea to let him buy a gun?  
 **JANEY:** No, but you didn't have to take his money.  
 **LISA:** If I hadn't, he would have got one anyway. Besides, it would have been my prize anyway if I hadn't stopped to help that cat.

**CUT TO:**

**JEWELLRY COUNTER**  
Lisa hands the voucher over to Fake Mom.

 **FAKE MOM** : Thank you Lisa... you don't know how happy you've made me...

Fake mom puts the necklace in a box and gives it to Lisa. Janey and Lisa start to head for the door.

 **LISA:** Wow, I can't believe I got a real pearl necklace for 10 dollars!

All the other SHOPPERS freeze.

 **MRS KRABAPPEL** : Ten dollars?  
 **MS HOOVER:** Ten bucks?  
 **LUANNE VAN HOUTEN** : What a deal!

The shop turns into a frenzy as everyone descends onto one counter. Lisa and Janey sprint for the door and eventually end up having to crawl out of the shop. They head outside.

 **LISA:** Janey... your mom's crazy.  
 **JANEY:** I think I agree with you, Lisa.

 

 **EXT: SPRINGFIELD STREET (DAY)**  
LISA is walking down the street by herself now...

 **LISA:** Well, that was a little strange... but it was a great deal. I can't wait to get home and try this on!

She starts to run. As she goes, the BLACK CAT from the parking lot looks at her from around the corner...

 **CAT** (thinking): So this is Lisa Simpson?

 

 **INT: SIMPSON HOUSE, GROUND FLOOR HALLWAY** **(DAY)**  
The front door opens, and LISA enters.

 **LISA** (shout): MOM! I'm home!  
 **MARGE** (Shouts from OS): Okay! Don't go far, dinner will be ready soon!  
 **LISA** (shouts): Okay!

She runs upstairs.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM**  
Lisa enters and closes the door behind her. She sits at her dresser, removes her normal fake-pearl necklace, and puts her new one on. It looks slightly different from the fake one, a bit better. She admires her reflection for a moment.

 **LISA:** Wow, it really is genuine... it's shinier, and heavier than my usual one... but why do I feel tired all of a sudden?  
 **MARGE** (Shout from OS): LISA! Dinner is ready!  
 **LISA:** Hm, I had better not wear this to dinner, I don't want to wear it out or risk Bart breaking it...

She removes the necklace, sets it in its box, and puts her old one on.

 **LISA:** Coming! (to self) Hm, I feel better already.

 

 **INT: MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE WAL-MART... (DAY)**  
The shoppers are looking a bit more tired...

 **MRS KRBAPPEL** : This is strange... I feel dizzy...  
 **HELEN LOVEJOY** : I just want to sleep...  
 **AGNES SKINNER:** I want some more... (collapses)

JANEY looks around at everyone passing out.

 **JANEY:** What's going on? Everyone's falling ill. Mom, I think something is wrong!

SUSPENSEFUL SHOT of FAKE MOM

 **JANEY:** Mom?

FAKE MOM turns around. She looks a teensy bit more evil than before. Janey gasps.

 

 **INT: SIMPSON DINNER TABLE (DAY)**  
The family sit around the table, eating. HOMER looks up at LISA and BART.

 **HOMER:** Okay, I got a phone call from Skinner reminding me that it's Bart's report card day today, so quit stalling boy, hand it over.

Bart groans, and hands the card over.

 **HOMER:** Now lets see... F,F,D,D-,D+,D+... you got a HA in Cookies? Why you little! If you're going to rely on sucking up, you should at least do it well!  
 **BART:** Sorry Dad... I'll follow a recipe next time.  
 **HOMER:** You'd better boy. Okay Lisa, lets see yours...

LISA hands it over.

 **HOMER:** Ah, much better. A+,A+,A+,A,A... F? you got an F? How could you get an F in P.E? Even I got better marks in P.E!  
 **LISA:** But Dad... I got A's in every other subject! Bart didn't get anything better than a D and you only yelled at him on the cookies!  
 **BART:** Hey, do you mind? I'm sensitive about my culinary failure!  
 **HOMER:** Lisa, haven't I told you often enough that a good P.E. mark is the easy road to instant popularity? You need to concentrate less on learning stuff and more on making people like you!  
 **LISA:** What? That's... ludicrous! As if there's anything I could do to magically make everyone like me! I'm no good at sports!  
 **HOMER:** Well, you should get good!  
 **LISA:** But...  
 **HOMER:** No buts. Go to your room, and run on the spot or something!

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM**  
Lisa enters, in a bad mood.

 **LISA:** Stupid sports... why do they think I have to be good at everything? I can make friends no problem... I've got my brains, I'm friendly, and I can play music too! (She looks over at the stand with her saxophone) Yeah right, run on the spot... I'll just quietly practice my sax.

She gets the sax, and starts to play.

 **SFX** : A creak, as the window opens a crack. But Lisa doesn't hear. She just sits on her bed playing, and then looks down at the bed. The BLACK CAT is there.

 **LISA:** Hey... how did you get in here? You must be one clever cat to follow me like this...  
 **CAT** (young feminine voice): Thanks. You play really well, by the way.

Lisa just gapes at the cat for a moment, before screaming, and springing over to the other side of the bed. She peeks over the top of the bed at the cat.

 **LISA** (startled): AAAAGH! A talking cat? What the heck?  
 **CAT** : Oh! Sorry to scare you. My name is Luna. I've been looking for you for a very long time, Lisa.

Lisa just hides behind the bed, looking at the cat.

 **LUNA:** Ah... thank you for getting rid of the band aids. Someone put them on me to trick me, I couldn't talk with them covering my crescent moon birthmark. It was pretty cruel, but it did mean I found you, so it wasn't all bad. Anyway, nice to meet you.

Luna walks toward Lisa. Lisa just stares at her.

 **LISA:** Wow... I must be hallucinating! Maybe that sickness I felt earlier was really something bad!  
 **LUNA:** Hey! I'm not a hallucination! I'm a real cat!  
 **LISA:** Yeah? Real cats can't talk! I should know, I have one!  
 **LUNA:** Well, I'm not an ordinary cat, of course!  
 **LISA:** Of course! You're an imaginary one caused by a high temperature or something!  
 **LUNA:** I am not!  
 **LISA:** Are too!  
 **LUNA:** Am not!  
 **LISA:** Are too!  
 **LUNA:** Oh, this is ridiculous!

Luna turns away and starts crossing over to the other side of Lisa's bed.

 **LISA:** You think so? You're not the one talking to a cat!  
 **LUNA** (stops and turns): Oh... look, just give me a chance, will you? All will become clear, I promise.  
 **LISA** (getting up) **:** Well... sorry, but I think I had better get some medicine from my mom.  
 **LUNA:** Don't go... wait, I know. You were feeling fine when I met you this morning, weren't you?  
 **LISA:** Yeah... (protesting) but you weren't doing anything unusual then!  
 **LUNA** (sarcastic): You think cats doing 7 foot backflips onto car roofs is normal?  
 **LISA** (overwhelmed): um... okay, okay. I'll stay. But this better be good.  
 **LUNA:** Oh, I know it is. HERE!

Luna does a big twirly backflip, and a sparkling item appears at the apex of the flip. It falls onto Lisa's bed - it's a gold brooch.

 **LUNA:** Here, a present for you.

Lisa picks it up and starts inspecting it.

 **LISA:** Wow, more jewelry. It looks expensive... is it really for me?  
 **LUNA:** Yes, only you can use it. Lisa, you might not have noticed, but a lot of strange things have been happening all over Springfield recently.  
 **LISA** (surprised): What, you mean all those mysterious deaths? The ones were nobody can find any cause of death except exhaustion?  
 **LUNA:** Yes, those deaths.  
 **LISA** (thoughtful): Bart and I had been looking into some of them... a lot of the time we're more likely to solve the case than the police are.  
 **LUNA** (surprised): That's good... (enthused) that's a great start! Lisa, you have been chosen to be a soldier in the battle against the people causing these deaths!  
 **LISA:** What? Chosen by who? Who would choose an 8-year-old?  
 **LUNA:** Fate.  
 **LISA:** Um, okay... MOM!  
 **LUNA:** Lisa! What, don't you believe me?

Lisa starts nervously edging toward the door.

 **LISA** (nervously): Of, of course I do, imaginary fever cat. But I really think I should have some medicine!  
 **LUNA:** (sigh): Lisa... I know you don't need to believe me, but I can prove this... please, hold up the brooch and say "MOON PRISM POWER - MAKE UP!"

Lisa just stares at Luna.

 **LISA** (in shock): Moon prism power - make up?  
 **LUNA** (defensive): Hey, I didn't decide on the phrase, okay. Just say the stupid words.  
 **LISA:** Uh, sure I will... (at door) MOMM!  
 **LUNA** (sigh): Please Lisa, I'm begging you... if it does nothing I'll leave.

Lisa looks at Luna, and sighs.

 **LISA:** Oh, alright. (grabs brooch, poses) MOON PRISM POWER - MAKE UP!

Nothing happens.

 **LISA:** There! I knew it!

Suddenly, with a SWISH her dress morphs into a leotard. She jerks into an odd pose in shock.

 **LISA:** AGH!

SWISH and jerk as her shoes become knee-high boots.

 **LISA:** Waugh!

SWISH and jerk as elbow-length gloves appear.

 **LISA:** Eek!

SWISH and jerk as tiara and earrings appear.

 **LISA:** What?

One final SWISH and Lisa goes into a pose with her left hand on her hip and her right fingers over her eye, as the skirt and bows appear

 **LISA:** Woah! What on earth? (she falls over onto her butt) Ow! My, my clothes! (angry) What the heck have you done to my clothes? What is this?  
 **LUNA:** Lisa, you have been chosen to be a soldier for Justice. You are Sailor Moon!

When she is Sailor Moon, Lisa will be referred to as **MOON-LISA**.

 **MOON-LISA:** How can I be a soldier if I look more like a sailor?  
 **LUNA** (dismissive): That's not important right now...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Yes it is, I look like an idiot! (angry, dives at Luna) Give me my red dress back!  
 **LUNA:** Agh! Sailor Moon! What are you doing?

Luna dives out of the way onto Lisa's desk. As she lands, she dislodges the box with the new pearl necklace, which falls out and onto the ground. The evil mist that is drawn into it can clearly be seen.

 **LUNA:** What is this?  
 **MOON-LISA:** (gasp)  
 **LUNA:** Sailor Moon! We must destroy this necklace!

Luna leaps down, claws unsheathed, and cuts the string between some of the pearls. Moon-Lisa grabs something heavy and smashes it down on the necklace a few times, breaking some of the pearls. As Moon-Lisa removes the heavy object, the mist dies away.

 **MOON-LISA:** What on earth was that?  
 **LUNA:** That necklace must have come from the Dark Kingdom! I'm sure that, if you had worn that, it would have started to steal your life energy for the Dark Kingdom's evil schemes!  
 **MOON-LISA:** What? Is that why I felt a little faint before?  
 **LUNA:** I would bet it is.  
 **MOON-LISA:** But... if all the jewelry in the store is like this... dozens of people could die!  
 **LUNA:** Yes! You must do something Sailor Moon!

Moon-Lisa gapes at Luna.

 **MOON-LISA:** Me? What can I do? We need to call the police!  
 **LUNA:** Normal people can't fight youma! Only certain people can, and you are one of them. As one of the Sailor Soldiers, it's your responsibility to help these people!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hm... all right. What do we need to do?  
 **LUNA:** We must head for that new store right away!

Luna heads over to the open window and leaps out. Lisa watches her.

 **MOON-LISA** (shout): But I can't go outside dressed like this! (to self) Or jump out of a window for that matter... (sigh) this is getting weirder all the time. Well, here we go...

She jumps out the window and runs across the garden chasing Luna. They both clear the fence at the end in one jump.

 

 **INT: THE EVIL WAL-MART, NIGHT**  
All of the SHOPPERS are here, now completely passed out. FAKE MOM is here too, holding JANEY by her throat two feet from the floor.

 **JANEY** (struggle): Huh... ggh... mom, why, what are you doing...  
 **FAKE MOM** : I'm not your mother. She is tied up in the basement!  
 **JANEY** (struggle): But... who... ugh...  
 **FAKE MOM** : You don't see to be affected ... oh, you didn't buy anything! Well, I know exactly what to do with you.  
 **MOON-LISA** (OS): Stop right there!

Quick pan to the door, where Moon-Lisa and Luna stand.

 **FAKE MOM** : Who are you?  
 **MOON-LISA** (hesitates): Um... I'm... (poses) I am the pretty soldier (pose) of love and justice (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the moon (pose) I'll punish you! (pose, pose)  
 **LUNA:** Wow, she's catching on fast...  
 **FAKE MOM** : Sailor Moon? A bit smaller than expected, but that doesn't matter! I'll teach you to mess with the powers of the Dark Kingdom!

Close-up of Fake Mom as she morphs into MORGUE. Morgue is a zombielike youma, somewhat androgynous, with stretched gray skin, no nose to speak of, and long and decidedly evil black hair.

Luna gasps in shock, Moon-Lisa screams in horror.

 **MOON-LISA:** It's Michael Jackson!  
 **LUNA:** No Sailor Moon, it's the youma that's caused this! You must destroy it!  
 **MORGUE:** You can try, little girl! Attention shoppers, we have a blue light special on dead wannabe heroes!

All the SHOPPERS get up, possessed my Morgue.

 **MOON-LISA:** Hey, what's wrong with you? (to MORGUE) What have you done to them?

She doesn't get an answer, as AGNES SKINNER charges at Moon-Lisa. Moon-Lisa screams and tries to run, but Agnes manages to get a grip of her ankle.

 **AGNES** (groaning): Seymour... come... and... help... me... hold... her... down...  
 **SKINNER** (groaning): Coming... mother...

Skinner tries to shamble over, zombie style, but Moon-Lisa manages to pull free before he gets there.

 **AGNES** (groaning): You... call... that... shuffling??? That's... the... worst... shuffling... I've... ever...  
 **SKINNER** (groaning): But... Mother...

Moon-Lisa ignores them and runs further into the shop away from the crowd. But MRS KRABAPPEL and MS HOOVER block her way.

 **MRS KRABAPPEL** (groaning): You... should... not... disobey... your... elders! 10... years... detention!  
 **MS HOOVER** (groaning): Write... 10000... lines! "This... is... not... appropriate... clothing!"  
 **MOON-LISA:** Detention and lines? But I'm a model student!

Moon-Lisa is paralyzed in shock.

 **HOOVER/KRABAPPEL** (groaning): We... have... her... now!

They dive at Moon-Lisa, attempting to grab her. But she manages to jump backwards and they fall on the floor. She jumps over their bodies and keeps running. Morgue covers it's eyes with a hand.

 **MORGUE:** My Queen, these slaves are useless... unless... (turns to CLETUS) You, redneck! Here's the key to the gun cabinet!  
 **CLETUS** (groaning): Yee... haw...

**CUT TO:**

**COUNTER**  
Moon-Lisa squats behind a counter.

 **MOON-LISA:** What's happened to them? That monster must be controlling them. It's a good thing they're not very fast or they'd already have me by now.

LUNA runs up to her.

 **LUNA:** What are you doing sitting here, Sailor Moon? Get out there and destroy that youma!  
 **MOON-LISA:** But how can I? You never told me that bit!  
 **LUNA:** ... okay, so I didn't. Just remove your tiara, and throw it at the youma while shouting "Moon Tiara Action!"  
 **MOON-LISA:** Moon Tiara Action? (pause, yells) MOM! MOMM! Come wake me up!  
 **LUNA** (exasperated): For goodness sake girl, I'm being perfectly serious!  
 **MOON-LISA:** That's hard to believe right now...  
 **LUNA:** Look, the "Moon Prism Power, make up!" worked, didn't it? So trust me a little, Sailor Moon! I'm not a hallucination or anything, and those people it's controlling are dying!

Moon-Lisa thinks to herself for a moment, and turns to Luna.

 **MOON-LISA:** I'll try...

She stands, and looks over the counter.

 **MOON-LISA:** Okay youma, set these people free or I will AGGH!

Cletus is looking at her down the barrel of a shotgun! Moon-Lisa freezes in fright. Close-up of Cletus's finger pulling the trigger...

The gun fires, but in a blur something slams into the side of the gun, forcing it over a bit to the left. Cut to Moon-Lisa, who appears to be in shock. There are some holes in the wall a few inches to her right, and the shot has clipped the end off a hair spike. It falls to the ground.

 **MOON-LISA:** What was that?

Show the shotgun. A rose is in it, the stem having passed through the barrel. Everyone follows the path of the rose and looks up. A second-story window is open, and a MAN stands in it. He wears a tuxedo, cape, mask and top hat, and carries a cane.

 **MAN** : I am Tuxedo Kamen! You can't win if you don't have faith in your powers Sailor Moon! Just trust the damn cat already... (looks closer) hang on a moment, are you...?

He jumps down from the window, landing next to Moon-Lisa. She has her hands clasped together, and is looking up at him with starry eyes.

 **MOON-LISA:** You saved me!  
 **TUXEDO KAMEN** (bends down and looks closely): You're a bit... uh... younger than expected...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Is your name Corey?  
 **TUXEDO KAMEN** (shudder): Uh, no. (to self) This is my love-interest? Even I have limits... (to Moon-Lisa, embarrassed) Well, good luck! Gotta go!

He jumps back up to the window, and leaves.

 **MOON-LISA:** Hey, where are you going?  
 **MORGUE** (OS): (cough) Are you done yet?

Show Morgue and some of the possessed people sitting around having coffee.

 **MOON-LISA:** Um, I guess so...  
 **MORGUE:** Good. Prepare to meet your death, Sailor Moon!

Morgue stands and reaches out her arms, which get longer so that her hands are rapidly stretching towards Moon-Lisa.

 **LUNA:** Do it now Sailor Moon!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Okay!

**CUT TO:**

**REPETITIVE CUT-'N'-PASTE TIARA ATTACK**  
Moon-Lisa appears before a trippy background with bubbles and stuff in it. Close-up of her tiara. She picks it off her head, and POSES. Then she holds it in front of her and SPINS twice on one leg. The tiara starts to glow becoming a disc of white light. She POSES.

 **MOON-LISA:** MOON TIARA ACTION!

She throws the tiara/disc like a frisbee.

**CUT TO:**

**WAL-MART**  
Morgue screams as the tiara heads straight for her. There is a large explosion of white light as it hits.

 **MOON-LISA:** Wow! That's incredible!

Morgue crumbles into dust.

**CUT TO:**

**A REALLY DARK PLACE**  
JIMBOITE's ball of energy suddenly dissipates as it's returned to its owners.

 **JIMBOITE:** Oh no, the Queen ain't gonna be happy about this... that wiener Morgue must have failed.

 

 **INT: LISA'S ROOM - NIGHT**  
MOON-LISA flops down back-first onto her bed, exhausted. Her uniform glows for a moment before turning back into her red dress.

 **LISA:** I can't believe I really did that... It's impossible, isn't it?  
 **LUNA** (proudly) **:** Not at all, and you did it really well too! Great job Lisa, you saved all these people!  
 **LISA:** Huh, I guess I did! It was weird and embarrassing, but it worked pretty well. I'm just glad those people probably won't have any memory of me in that silly costume.  
 **LUNA:** Oh, don't worry about that. Nobody, not even your closest friends and family will ever recognize you as Sailor Moon.  
 **LISA:** Why not?  
 **LUNA:** Plot convenience.  
 **LISA:** Ah. So... was that the only youma, or will there be more enemies like it?  
 **LUNA:** I'm afraid there will almost certainly be more. We've got a long battle ahead of us, Lisa.

**FADE TO BLACK**

**LISA** (voice over): Luna was right. It seemed like from that point on, a new youma appeared every few days to set up a new con and steal people's energy. They must have tried everything...

Show still picture of Moon-Lisa fighting a batlike youma in the broadcast mast of KBBL Talk Radio.

 **LISA** (voiceover): hijacking radio stations...

Picture of Moon-Lisa running on a fast treadmill as a Youma laughs at her.

 **LISA** (voiceover): taking over fitness clubs...

Pic of Moon-Lisa gasping at Bart, who is holding a nasty looking guinea pig.

 **LISA** (voiceover): even selling possessed animals. It was hard work, sometimes I wound up staying up really late to destroy a youma. But fortunately, I got an ally pretty soon!


	2. Genius Girl vs Stupid, Stupid Youma! So you thought school was brainwashing YOU?

**EXT: SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY  
** The school bell rings, and swarms of KIDS run out. LISA walks out calmly with JANEY and ALLISON TAYLOR.

 

(Information for those who don't watch much Simpsons... : Allison was a first grader who got moved up into Lisa's class due to her intelligence. As an extremely smart person and an excellent saxophone player, she started beating Lisa at all the things Lisa used to be best at, but she was too nice a person for Lisa to hate her. When Lisa tried to sabotage Allison's "The Telltale Heart" diorama, she bottled out due to guilt and returned it. After Lisa admitted what she'd done Allison took no offence, and since Ralph won the diorama contest anyway with his Original Star Wars figures, the two made up and became good friends. Allison was voiced by Winona Ryder, but has shown up in several eps since then without her original voice.)

 

**JANEY:** I'm telling you, Sailor Moon's real! I was there, remember?  
 **ALLISON:** I'm not saying you're wrong, it's just that you were only halfway conscious at the time. Maybe what you saw wasn't what you thought you saw. I mean, you'd just heard of that Sailor V character on TV the previous day.  
 **JANEY:** So you're saying I'm crazy.  
 **ALLISON:** I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that girls can't do magic, cats can't talk, and nobody would go into a battle wearing a leotard covered with bows. Right, Lisa?  
 **LISA** (embarrassed): Well, I wouldn't say anything is strictly impossible.

 

A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

**"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 2 : Genius Girl vs. Stupid, Stupid Youma!

So you thought school was brainwashing you?

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

 

**LISA** (voice over): Allison had been going to a nearby cram school that was taken over by a youma... 

 

**INT: CRAM SCHOOL CLASSROOM (DAY)  
** Allison is unpacking her schoolbag in front of a computer. The TEACHER stoops down by her desk to talk.

**TEACHER** : Make sure you study hard with that crystal disk, Ms Taylor. It would be a shame to let a mind like yours go to waste.  
 **ALLISON:** Okay...

The teacher leaves, and Allison rummages through her school bag.

**ALLISON:** Huh? The disk is missing! Well, I don't need it to study, I always get a headache while using that thing anyway.

**LUNA** (voice over): But she didn't know that we had her crystal disk, after she dropped it at school.

  

**INT: BART'S ROOM (DAY)  
** LISA and LUNA sit in front of Bart's computer. Lisa puts the crystal disk in the CD tray and closes it.

**LISA:** Hm, I really should learn how to use this thing properly someday.  
 **LUNA:** You can't use a computer?  
 **LISA:** Well, I can use Word and play Minesweeper... but this looks like something else...  
 **LUNA:** It's for DOS. Hmph, you'd better move over then...

Luna stands on Lisa's chair, and starts typing like mad. The screen flashes all sorts of colors.

**LISA:** Hey, I didn't know cats could use computers!  
 **LUNA:** J00R |\|0T L337 e|\|uf 4 m3, g!rl!3... well, here it is!

Some strange patterns start to flash on the screen, and "Enter Sandman" by Metallica starts playing. Lisa looks a little woozy.

**LISA:** Wha...? I feel funny and tired... it's just like when I had that necklace on!  
 **LUNA:** It's a program for brainwashing people!  
 **JIMBOITE** (from computer): Come on dudes, give up your mental energy for our Queen Metallica! You don't need it, really! And when it's all gone go buy a Metallica Album too!

Luna quickly turns the speakers and monitor off.

**LUNA:** I knew it! I was sure I was getting a strange feeling off of that girl, and this proves it! Lisa, she must be a youma sent by the enemy!  
 **LISA:** Who, Allison? That's impossible, I've known her for months!  
 **LUNA:** It could be impersonating her! The real Allison's probably tied up in a basement somewhere, they like that tactic it seems.  
 **LISA:** I guess you're right, we'd better get over there...

**SFX:** (KNOCK KNOCK!)

**BART** (OS): Hey, can I come in my own room already? Jeez Lis, what are you doing on that computer, I want to play Quake!  
 **LISA:** We're just done!

She opens the door and leaves, followed by Luna. BART enters and turns on his computer. He is immediately hypnotized.

**BART** (sings slowly): dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon's fire...

**LISA** (voiceover): We left immediately, and headed straight for the cram school.

 

**INT: CRAM SCHOOL CORRIDOOR (DAY)  
** Lisa and Luna look through a door.

**LISA:** Okay, here's Allison's class! Let's go in!  
 **LUNA:** Don't you think you should be Sailor Moon before you go in, Lisa?  
 **LISA:** Hm, good idea, I wouldn't want to have to change in front of all those people. MOOON PRISIMU POWA, MAKE UP! (pause, then with a SWISH her dress morphs into a leotard. She jerks into an odd pose in shock) AGH! (SWISH and jerk as her shoes become knee-high boots) Waugh! (SWISH and jerk as elbow-length gloves appear) Eek! (SWISH and jerk as tiara and earrings appear) Woah! (SWISH and pose as the skirt and bows appear. She holds the pose for a moment, then glares at Luna)  
 **MOON-LISA:** Can't you arrange a more comfortable transformation method?  
 **LUNA:** You'd rather be spinning, glowing and naked?  
 **MOON-LISA** (dismissive): Forget I said anything. (boldly) Okay, lets go in!

She opens the door.

**CUT TO:**

**CLASSROOM**

Moon-Lisa bursts in through the door. 

**MOON-LISA:** Quick, everyone get up and away from those computers! They're stealing your energy for the Dark Kingdom! 

The STUDENTS look up at her, confused and disbelieving. 

**MOON-LISA:** Um... that is... if you don't get away from them now, you could get eyestrain and carpal-tunnel syndrome! 

The students look MUCH more concerned at this, and start talking to each other.

**STUDENT 1** : Hey, my hands do feel a bit sore, now that you mention it!  
 **STUDENT 2** : Oh no, I never noticed how bad my vision was getting until now!  
 **STUDENT 3** (panicky): Help, I think sitting on this seat has sent my legs to sleep!  
 **ALLISON** (stands up): Don't be hypochondriacs, everyone! We don't use computers for that long, we're not at risk from those things! (to Moon-Lisa) How can you just charge in here and disturb everyone's study?  
 **LUNA:** There, I knew it! She wants them to go back to using the computers, that girl must be the youma!  
 **MOON-LISA:** I didn't believe it, but I guess it must be true! Don't worry Allison, I'll destroy the youma impersonating you and set you free!  
 **ALLISON** : A youma? Who, me? No, you've got it all wrong...

A hand is clamped over her mouth. It's the TEACHER!

**TEACHER** : Close girl, but no gold star!

Instead of protecting it's identity and just letting Moon-Lisa accidentally kill Allison, the STUPID, STUPID YOUMA reveals itself.

**STUPID, STUPID YOUMA** : I am Garaben, the youma of knowledge, but not intelligence apparently!

All the students are scared by the monster and flee the classroom.

**MOON-LISA** (to Luna): Luna, I thought you said Allison was the youma!  
 **LUNA:** Whoops... I wonder what it was I felt then?  
 **GARABEN** : You're too late! This girl's mind is the richest I have seen, I'll take all her mental energy and then dump her in a trailer park somewhere!  
 **MOON-LISA:** I don't think so! (poses) I am the pretty soldier (pose) of love and justice (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the moon (pose) I'll punish you! (pose, pose) 

Garaben holds up a finger.

**GARABEN:** First question...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Huh?  
 **GARABEN:** A question about the genius Isaac Newton! Why did the apple fall from the tree? 

Garaben throws several sheets of notepaper at Moon-Lisa, like knives.

**MOON-LISA:** What the... agh! 

The paper sticks in the wall by Lisa's head, and she runs to the side.

**GARABEN:** If you can't answer, you're dead!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hey, stop that! It was the force of gravity!  
 **GARABEN:** Correct! Second question! Explain the force of gravity in less than 50 words!

**MOON-LISA** (quickly): Gravity is a result of the attraction between matter that draws masses toward each other. The strength of a mass' gravity is dependent on its size and composition. A small mass like a stone has nearly no gravity, while a large mass like Earth has higher gravity.

Garaben looks confused. She looks down at Allison (she still has her hand over Allison's mouth)

**GARABEN** (clueless): Is she right?  
 **ALLISON** (muffled): Eif finc soe. Itf clofe enofe.  
 **GARABEN:** Alright, correct! Third question! Politics - who was the father of Socialism?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Karl Marx!  
 **GARABEN:** Correct! Fourth question! History - whose death triggered the start of the first world war?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Archduke Franz Ferdinand!  
 **GARABEN:** Correct! Fifth question! Networking - what is an error 404?  
 **MOON-LISA:** um...  
 **LUNA:** File not found, Sailor Moon!  
 **MOON-LISA:** File not found!  
 **GARABEN:** Correct! Sixth question...

**FADE OUT** , and back  **IN AGAIN** .

**SUBTITLE** : Fifteen minutes later...

**MOON-LISA:** 200 Job Points gets you Ifrit!  
 **GARABEN:** Correct! Fifty-second question! Mythology - who wrote the Odyssey and the Iliad?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hom... wait... that can't be right, can it?  
 **GARABEN:** Ah, I have you!

Garaben throws more paper, which manages to pin Moon-Lisa to the wall.

**MOON-LISA:** Agh! Luna, help!  
 **GARABEN:** Now, I can send this girl's mental energy to my master!

Garaben pushes Allison's face up against a computer screen. Nothing happens.

**ALLISON** : Urk! What are you doing? (distressed) I'm getting static electricity off this thing!

Garaben is zapped by a little bit of electricity.

**GARABEN:** Ow! I don't understand... (ranting) the program should be taking your mental energy! Why isn't it working!

A small blue symbol starts to glow on Allison's forehead. It looks as if someone mashed a love heart and a O+ symbol together and gave it ears.

**LUNA:** (gasp) That's it! The strange energy I felt!  
 **GARABEN:** Well, if I can't take your energy, I'll just take your entire brain!

Garaben throws Allison down to the ground. Luna does another Big Backflip, and an odd pen appears at the apex. She slides it over to Allison.

**LUNA:** Quickly, Allison! Pick up that pen!  
 **ALLISON:** (gets the pen) What? A talking...  
 **LUNA:** Yes, I know I'm a talking cat, I've already been through it with Lisa. Just hold up the pen and say "Mercury Power, Make up!"  
 **ALLISON:** What?

Allison gets up, and looks at Garaben. It morphs it's arm into a really big axe. Allison glares at it.

**ALLISON:** okay... (raises pen) MERCURY POWER, MAKE UP!

A thick layer of water covers her, and when it subsides Allison is wearing a fetching boots-leotard-skirt-bows-tiara combo similar to Sailor Moon's. The bows and skirt are all blue.

**LUNA:** Allison is the second Sailor Soldier, Sailor Mercury!

(NOTE : Like Moon, Allison shall be referred to as MERC-ALLISON when she is Sailor Mercury)

**LUNA:** Quick, Sailor Mercury! Use the Bubble Spray!  
 **MERC-ALLISON** (twiddles her ears): Sorry, what did you say? I can't hear, I've got water in my ears.  
 **LUNA:** USE THE BUBBLE SPRAY!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Okay... BUBBLE... SPRAY!

Merc-Allison POSES, TWISTs a little and POSES again as she throws out lots of little bubbles, creating a dense fog.

**GARABEN:** What the... I can't see anything... so cold...

The papers pinning Moon-Lisa to the wall go soggy, and she is able to get free.

**MOON-LISA** (awestruck): So Allison is another Sailor Soldier? That's great! But... where is she? I can't see anything here...

Garaben is still searching for Merc-Allison. It suddenly sees her in the distance.

**GARABEN:** I've found you now! You'll pay!

Garaben charges and dives... and goes flying through a plate glass window. The image of Merc-Allison was merely a reflection. Merc-Allison steps out from the fog.

**MERC-ALLISON:** I can't believe it was so easy to outsmart it! (calls) SAILOR MOON! Over here!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Coming! (steps out of the mist) I heard glass breaking, where'd it go... (sees window) oooh... (smirk)

**CUT TO:**  

**STREET OUTSIDE SCHOOL  
** A large open-top truck is parked outside the school. Its cargo is cabbage. A pair of youma legs stick out the top. Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison stand in the school window.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Do we do anything else, or is that punishment enough?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Leave this to me.

**CUT TO:**  

**REPETITIVE CUT-'N'-PASTE TIARA ATTACK  
** Moon-Lisa appears before a trippy background with bubbles and stuff in it. Close-up of her tiara. She picks it off her head, and POSES. Then she holds it in front of her and SPINS twice on one leg. The tiara starts to glow becoming a disc of white light. She POSES.

**MOON-LISA:** MOON TIARA ACTION!  

She throws the tiara/disc like a frisbee.

**CUT TO:**  

**STREET  
**

******GARABEN** (shouting): I hate cabbages! AAAARGH!

There is a bright flash of light. Merc-Allison shades her eyes. When it subsides, most of the cabbages are vaporized, and the rest are covered in the dirt and dust that Garaben was transformed into. Merc-Allison looks at her gloved hand.

**MERC-ALLISON:** I'm... I'm...  
 **MOON-LISA:** You're the second Sailor Soldier, Sailor Mercury.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** That's strange, I was sure it was impossible this morning... I guess I can't be right about everything.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Don't worry about it, I still have trouble understanding how all this can be real.  
 **LUNA** (stern): Sailor Moon...  
 **MOON-LISA** (apologetic): Okay, okay, no more. But there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't the computer steal your energy, Mercury?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** I had lost my crystal disk, so I wasn't running the program at the time. I think that must be what prevented it.  
 **MOON-LISA:** So what were you doing on that computer then?

Moon-Lisa goes over to take a look, Merc-Allison chases her.

**MERC-ALLISON** (worried): Nothing, it was nothing.  
 **MOON-LISA:** (smirk) You were writing fanfiction? Wow... I thought I was introverted, but I guess you're still a step ahead of me...  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Hey now, that's art!  
 **MOON-LISA** (funny look): Right...  
 **CLETUS** (OS): Hey, what in the durn heck happened to mah cabbages?

The two girls look guiltily at each other.

**BOTH** : Whoops...

They run away.

**EXT: PUBLIC PARK (DAY)  
** Lisa and Allison sit on a bench, talking to Luna. (they are muted) Luna does a backflip and a slim blue case appears, dropping to the ground.

**ALLISON** (voice-over): It took me a while to get used to the magic, so Luna gave me a great miniaturized super-computer as well, to use in analyzing enemy powers and weak spots, and devising strategies.  
 **LISA** (voice-over): It is a nice computer, I'm sure it'll be useful. So Luna, will we be getting any more friends?  
 **LUNA** (voice over): Yes, we should. And my feline intuition says it will be quite soon... although "friend" is debatable...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something very strange happened with this fic. It turns out that not only do Usagi and Lisa have the same voice actress in Spain, but Allison and Ami also have the same actress there! I was pretty shocked to find out. :-)


	3. The Bus Smells of Old People! Flame's Soldier Appears!

**EXT: FIRST CHURCH OF SPRINGFIELD - DAY**  
Establishing shot of the church. The billboard reads "Communion this Sunday. NO MINORS!"

**LISA** (voice-over): Oh no, not her...  
 **LUNA** (voice-over): Hush, Lisa.

**CUT TO:**

**NEAR BACK DOOR**  
LISA and LUNA hide behind some bushes, watching REVEREND LOVEJOY and CHIEF WIGGUM talking.

**LOVEJOY:** Look Chief, all I know is they left their bridge club meeting at the hall, got on the bus, and never arrived at their homes.  
 **WIGGUM** (accusatory): You sure you're telling me everything? Kidnapping the old folks is a serious crime, churchie!  
 **LOVEJOY:** And exactly what do you mean by that?

**LISA** (voice-over): It was the talk of the town at the time - entire buses full of old people were going missing from the bus stop near the church. Of course, we suspected the Dark Kingdom...

**LUNA** (whisper): Sssh, Lisa, not so loud! Do you want them to hear us?  
 **LISA** (whisper): What? I didn't say anything!  
 **LUNA** (whisper): Whoops, sorry... it must have been a voiceover...  
 **LISA** (whisper): Uh huh... Well, it looks like the reverend doesn't know anything, and if I know the Springfield Police, they'll be completely clueless too. Looks like this one is up to us...  
 **JESSICA** (OS): Are you talking to that cat?

A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

**"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 3 : The bus smells of old people! Flame's soldier appears!

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

Lisa and Luna turn, to see JESSICA LOVEJOY (episode "Bart's Girlfriend") standing over them. They both scream briefly, then start shaking their heads rapidly.

**LUNA:** Meow, meow meow, meow meow, meow, meow.  
 **LISA:** No, of course not, how could a cat talk back anyway, it's not possible...  
 **LUNA:** Meow meow.

(about Jessica... A trip to church suddenly became interesting for Bart, as he caught sight of Reverend Lovejoy's beautiful daughter Jessica. But his attempts to woo her met with failure until he started misbehaving - unknown to anyone, Jessica was the biggest hellion Springfield has ever know. Even Bart felt intimidated by her pranks and feared she'd get him into trouble. Sure enough, when he tried to break up with her during a church service she just stole the collection money and framed him for it. Since the entire town believed Jessica was a saintly ministers daughter, only Lisa would stand up for Bart - the next week she took the pulpit and persuaded the congregation to check Jessica' room for the missing money. It was found under Jessica's bed. Therefore, relations between Jessica and Lisa are best described as... frosty. Jessica was voiced by Meryl Streep.)

**JESSICA:** Humph, I knew you were a goody-two-shoes snitch, Lisa, but I didn't know you were crazy enough to talk to animals. What are you doing here?  
 **LISA:** None of your business, Jessica.  
 **JESSICA:** Hey, you're the one spying on my dad, you can't say it's none of **my** business.  
 **LISA:** Alright, if you must know, I'm investigating the old folks' disappearances.  
 **JESSICA:** Heh, good luck. (snort) A witless imbecile like you'll need it!  
 **LISA:** Oh, I suppose you're doing much better, Jessica? Got any clues of your own?  
 **JESSICA:** It really doesn't bother me what happens to a bunch of dumb old coots. But even if I did, I wouldn't share them with you.  
 **LISA:** Fine then. Well, there isn't anything else to be found here, we'll just head off somewhere else. Come on, Luna.

Lisa walks off toward the front of the church. Luna takes a last look at Jessica, and follows.

**CUT TO:**

**FRONT OF CHURCH**  
Luna and Lisa walk around. CREEPY JIMBO is cleaning the steps around the front.

**LISA:** That obnoxious, stupid, stuck up... criminal! I wouldn't be surprised if she were behind this, I really wouldn't.  
 **LUNA:** Lisa, that's an awful thing to think about someone! You should give her a chance, she may surprise you someday.  
 **LISA:** It's not very likely... but okay, I'll try next time. So what shall we do now about the buses?  
 **LUNA:** I think our best get is to get ourselves on those buses to investigate. We may find our enemies on them somewhere...  
 **LISA:** But, what if we get kidnapped?  
 **LUNA:** If we are, we'll be in the perfect place to defeat the kidnappers and rescue the old folks.  
 **LISA:** Hmm, I guess you're right. I'd better get Allison over here then.

She pulls a cell phone out of her bag, and dials a number.

**LUNA:** Didn't I give you communicators?  
 **LISA:** This is less conspicuous.

SPLIT SCREEN - show ALLISON waiting at a bus stop.

**ALLISON:** Hello?  
 **LISA:** Allison, where are you?  
 **ALLISON:** I am waiting for a bus.

A CREAM PIE comes out of nowhere and smacks into Allison's face.

**KRUSTY** (OS): Oops, sorry! Automatic reaction!

Allison glares offscreen, and tries to wipe cream out of her eyes.

**LISA:** Hey, what was that? Are you okay?  
 **ALLISON:** I'm fine. What is it, Lisa?  
 **LISA:** Luna and I need you at the First Church of Springfield. We think we've uncovered another plot by the Dark Kingdom.  
 **ALLISON:** Okay, I'll be right over.

They hang up, and the screen goes back to just being Lisa.

**LISA:** She's on her way.  
 **LUNA:** Good.

**CUT TO:**

**FRONT STEPS OF CHURCH**  
JESSICA stands here, arms folded, watching Lisa and Luna. CREEPY JIMBO is still washing the steps. He wears a shirt that reads COMMUNITY SERVICE.

**JESSICA:** Huh, look at her, trying to act all smart and resourceful. Little Lisa Snitchy has as much chance of figuring this out as you do!  
 **C-JIMBO** : Hey Jessie, you're wrong! I could figure this out if I wanted to. There's just no point in doing it, is all.  
 **JESSICA:** Yeah, you're right.

Jessica walks back to where she'd talked to Lisa and Luna.

**JESSICA:** Unless... boy, I bet it would really piss off Lisa if I found out what's going on before her. It'd be a great way to get back at her for tattling on me... (looks down) hey, what's this?

She finds a fancy red pen on the ground.

**JESSICA:** She must have dropped it. Oh well, I'll just keep it. (puts it in a pocket) Well, that's it then. I'll just start my own investigation.

**CUT TO:**

**CHURCH PARKING LOT**  
A bus is parked here. Lisa is waiting around, until Allison runs up to her.

**LISA** (voice-over): We met up with Allison, and got on the bus.

While MOON-LISA looks around, MERC-ALLISON uses her computer and touches her right earring, and a blue visor lowers out from her tiara to cover her eyes. She looks around, scanning the bus.

**LISA** (voice-over): But as far as we could tell, it was just a normal bus.  
 **ALLISON** (voice-over): So since we knew that we would be thrown off the bus when the old guys had to use it, we hid under the seats so that we could try to prevent it being hijacked.

The girls are hidden under the seats when old people start getting on - among the oldies are Grampa Simpson, Jasper, the Crazy Old Man and Mrs Glick. OTTO also gets on.

**OTTO** : Okay, old dudes! I know you're probably all worried about the kidnappings of your friends...  
 **GRAMPA** (looks around, guilty): Kidnappings? What are you talking about, I ain't kidnapped nobody, I tells ya!  
 **OTTO** (continued): ... but don't worry, there's no way anything's gonna go wrong on this bus, I already checked the trunk for Arabs, (waves a gun) and I'm packing a piece jussst in case.

The old folk cheer.

**JASPER:** Now that's forward thinking!  
 **GRAMPA:** This is the safest I've felt for decades!  
 **OTTO:** So don't worry old dudes, you are completely safe!

He waves the gun, and accidentally shoots out the back window of the bus. The oldies are quiet for a moment, and then cheer again.

**CUT TO:**

**MOON LISA UNDER A SEAT**  
Moon-Lisa looks annoyed.

**MOON-LISA:** This is a farce...

A foot is put down next to her face... it's wearing sandals. Moon-Lisa screws up her face, and pinches her nose.

**MOON-LISA:** Oh god...

**CUT TO:**

**ARIEL VIEW OF THE PARKING LOT**

The bus pulls away, and heads down the street. Suddenly, a black portal materializes down the street from the bus, and fills the otherwise empty street.

**CUT TO:**

**THE BUS - VIEW FROM THE BACK, FACING TOWARD THE FRONT**  
The portal can be seen in the windshield. The oldies are shouting in fright and surprise. Camera pans down to MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON and LUNA, hidden under the seats. Moon-Lisa is starting to turn blue from holding her breath.

**LUNA:** That sounds like our cue!

They get out from under the seats, and Merc-Allison strikes a pose.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Quick Otto, stop this bus or we'll all be kidnapped!

Moon-Lisa just tries to breathe again, and ends up almost having a coughing fit.

**LUNA:** Sailor Moon, this isn't the time...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Okay, I think I'm better now...

She runs up to the front of the bus, Merc-Allison following.

**MOON-LISA:** Otto, stop the bus now! That portal must be what somebody is using to kidnap these buses!  
 **OTTO:** Hey, don't worry about it sailor dude-ess, I've seen this before. That's just another of my acid flashbacks, it'll disappear once we drive through it.

Merc-Allison scans the portal with her visor and computer.

**MERC-ALLISON:** I don't think that's very accurate Otto, my computer says it's a pan-dimensional non-harmonious rift in simultaneous 4-day cube space.  
 **MOON-LISA:** ... and that means?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** I'm not sure. (looks at computer screen.) Apparently I'm educated stupid.  
 **LUNA:** O...kay, so Sailor Mercury's computer is on the fritz. When we get out of here, remind me to call tech support.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Speaking of getting out of here, aren't we getting a bit close to that portal?

Shot of everyone looking at the portal, which is right in front of the bus now. Merc-Allison, Moon-Lisa and Luna scream.

**OTTO:** All right, this is getting good!

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE THE BUS**  
The bus floats off the ground a little as it enters the portal.

**MOON-LISA** (OS): It's going in! Everyone hold onto your tiaras!  
 **OLD FOLKS** (OS): OKAY!

The bus goes all the way through the portal.

  


**EXT: FRONT OF CHURCH (DAY)**  
Jessica walks around with a magnifying glass, inspecting the pavement. CREEPY JIMBO is still cleaning the steps.

**JESSICA:** (sigh) Oh, this is hopeless... I don't have any idea where to start. I'll never find any clues at this rate, and I'm too proud to ask that dog on Nick Junior. Jeez, there must be SOMETHING around here, just under my nose or something... I can't shake the feeling that it's something nearby.

**CUT TO:**

**JESSICA'S POV**  
Jessica looks up and down the street. The only thing of note is JIMBO, NELSON, DOLPH and KEARNEY harassing NED FLANDERS. Jessica looks directly at them.

**JESSICA:** Hey, that looks like fun! But I'd never get away with doing it too. Hey... wait a minute!

**CUT TO:**

**FRONT OF CHURCH**  
Jessica looks at the steps. Creepy Jimbo is still washing them. She looks back at the street - Jimbo is still harassing Flanders.

**JESSICA:** But that's...

Creepy Jimbo gets up from washing the steps, and goes inside the church.

**JESSICA:** I should have known!

**CUT TO:**

**INSIDE THE CHURCH**  
Creepy Jimbo walks down the aisle, and approaches the stage. SFX - Door Opening. C-Jimbo turns at the noise. Pan over to show Jessica in the door.

**JESSICA:** Hey, you! Faker!  
 **C-JIMBO** : What? You talking to me!  
 **JESSICA:** Yeah, I am! Who the hell are you to come here impersonating Jimbo Jones? The real Jimbo would never even turn up for community service like a wimp, never mind finish on time! You're the one behind the kidnappings, aren't you?  
 **C-JIMBO** : You're right... how smart of you to figure it out.

C-Jimbo's clothes shimmer, and change to the uniform of a Dark Kingdom general! He reveals himself to be JIMBOITE! (SHOCK!!!)

**JIMBOITE:** But now that you know kid, I can't let you live! (waves an arm. A black portal appears!) You can go in too, then!

The portal sucks a screaming Jessica in, and closes behind her.

  


**EXT: WEIRD DIMENSION**  
The dimension certainly is weird. A single island made of firmament, floating in a vast blackness. Another bus is parked at the side of the island, and the current bus enters through a portal higher up.

**CUT TO:**

**ON THE BUS**  
OTTO, MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON and LUNA are up the front.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Great, now where are we?  
 **MOON-LISA:** It looks like we've left our reality completely.  
 **LUNA:** This is part of the Dark Kingdom's realm.  
 **OTTO:** Woah, this is new. I've never had a hallucination like this before.

Moon-Lisa "Hmmmm"'s, and heads to the back of the bus.

**MOON-LISA:** Attention old people! Do not be alarmed at your new, unfamiliar surroundings, we are trying to find a way back to your usual dimension and your afternoon Matlock as soon as possible!  
 **MRS GLICK** : But who are you anyway?  
 **JASPER:** They're obviously trapeze artists!  
 **CRAZY OLD MAN** : No, they're ice skaters!  
 **GRAMPA:** You're both crazy! Look at those costumes, they're obviously Broadway showgirls! Hey girls, can you Can-Can like I can? (gets up and starts trying to do the can-can) Da, diddy-diddy, da da diddy-diddy da da...  
 **MOON-LISA** (disturbed): Eww...

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE**  
The bus pulls in next to the island, and the doors open. Moon-Lisa steps out.

**MOON-LISA** (testing the ground): Hmm, seems solid enough.

Merc-Allison, Luna, Otto and the Old Folks follow her out.

**JASPER** (satisfied) **:** Well I'll be jiggered. It looks like I've finally died.  
 **CRAZY OLD MAN** : Not before time, too. I've been waiting for years to get your room, you long lived old bastard.  
 **JASPER:** Hey, over my dead body, you room-coveting young whippersnapper!  
 **CRAZY OLD MAN** : Your dead body eh? Well, where are you now, eh? (gloating) The room is mine!  
 **JASPER:** Not if I kill you before you take it!

Jasper dives at the COM. They struggle, and roll along the ground, in front of the two Sailor Soldiers and Luna.

**MOON-LISA:** So have you figured out where we are yet?  
 **MERC-ALLISON** (looking at computer): Nearly, I think I can get the MapMaker program on this thing to work. (she gives it a smack. **SFX:** Windows "ping") Ah, here it goes!  
 **MOON-LISA:** So where are we?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** It says we're "In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."

Everything is silent for a moment. A spooky wind blows.

**LUNA:** If that's right, we're in big trouble. That had better not be right.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** (gives it another smack) I think it's probably still a bit buggy...

There is a THUNDERCLAP, and thanks to either coincidence or contrivance JESSICA falls out of a portal directly above the two soldiers, falling on them.

**JESSICA/MOON-LISA/MERC-ALLISON:** OW!  
 **LUNA:** What the?  
 **JESSICA:** Now where am I? Where did you send me?

She sees who she's landed on, and gapes at them for a moment, before standing and helping them up.

**JESSICA** (gushing, to Moon-Lisa): oh my god oh my god it's you! (to Merc-Allison) And you! I can't believe it, I am your biggest fans, I mean fan!  
 **MOON-LISA/MERC-ALLISON** (deadpan): what  
 **JESSICA** (hyper) **:** I can't believe it's you! I have all of the Sailor Moon comics so far, and your video games and some of the dubbed cartoon on tape!  
 **MOON-LISA:** We have a comic book?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** And video games?  
 **LUNA:** What? I never approved a hack-job dub! What is central control thinking?  
 **JESSICA:** And oh, I can't believe I finally met you! It's a dream come true! Wait until I tell the girls at school about this!

Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison look at each other, and smile.

**MOON-LISA** (sly): Let me get this straight. You, Jessica Lovejoy, are our biggest fan?  
 **JESSICA:** Yes!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** You think we are very cool?  
 **JESSICA:** Yes!  
 **MOON-LISA:** You want to be like us?  
 **JESSICA:** Definitely!

After a brief pause, Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison burst out laughing.

**JESSICA:** What? What is it? Hey, what's so funny?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Nothing. (snort) Sorry, Jessica. Well, it was great to talk like this, but we're trying to find out what's behind these kidnappings. Maybe you should go wait over with the old folks.  
 **JESSICA:** What? I don't want to go over by those old farts - I can help! I know who's behind this! What's why I got thrown in here!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** You do? Who?  
 **JESSICA:** It was a guy, in a grey uniform of some kind!  
 **LUNA:** Hm, that sounds like a Dark Kingdom general. If he's out on earth, he must have assigned a youma to take care of things here! We have to identify it before it strikes!  
 **MOON-LISA:** What about Otto? He's the one who drove us through the portal in the first place!  
 **LUNA:** No, not Otto. Every youma we've fought has been female, remember?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Oh yeah.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Well, that leaves fangirl-Jessica here, and (looks at the old folks) Mrs. Glick. Who is acting the most unusually?

Everyone looks at Jessica, who steps backward.

**JESSICA:** What? I'm not a youma, I swear! If I was a stupid, stupid youma, I would have revealed myself at the slightest suspicion, right?  
 **LUNA:** She's got a point.  
 **MOON-LISA:** So that leaves...

They glance sideways at Mrs. Glick, who turns into a lizardlike youma.

**STUPID, STUPID YOUMA** : Okay, you got me! But you'll never defeat me!  
 **MOON-LISA:** We'll see about that! (poses) I am the pretty soldier (pose) of love and justice (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose)  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** (pose) And I am Sailor Mercury! (pose)  
 **BOTH** : (pose) In the name of the moon we'll punish you!  
 **JESSICA:** Wow! It's just like in the cartoon!

Moon-Lisa turns to her, angrily.

**MOON-LISA:** Will you shut up about that? This isn't a cartoon! (back to youma) Youma! I won't forgive you for kidnapping people and bringing them to this kind of place! (pose) In the name of the moon (pose) I'll punish you! (pose, pose)

**CUT TO:**

**REPETITIVE CUT-'N'-PASTE TIARA ATTACK**  
Moon-Lisa appears before a trippy background with bubbles and stuff in it. Close-up of her tiara. She picks it off her head, and POSES. Then she holds it in front of her and SPINS twice on one leg. The tiara starts to glow becoming a disc of white light. She POSES.

**MOON-LISA:** MOON TIARA ACTION!

She throws the tiara/disc like a Frisbee.

**CUT TO:**

**WEIRD DIMENSION**  
The moon-tiara races toward the youma, but she catches it out of midair.

**YOUMA** : Ha, you think I could be destroyed with this toy? I was a world Frisbee champion in my youth, you know!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Well, I'll get you another way then!

She raises a hand, and the tiara moves, binding the youma's wrists and ankles together. It's trussed up like a turkey.

**YOUMA** : Hey! Waah! Woaaahhhh... (falls over)

Merc-Allison uses her computer.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Sailor Moon's attacks will not be able to destroy this youma!  
 **LUNA:** Well, we have to find some way of beating it!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** I would, (eyes Luna) but somebody decided I should only be able to make fog...  
 **LUNA** (washes paws): Hey, don't look at me, I don't allocate the magic...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Luna! Sailor Mercury! Now's not the time to argue!  
 **JESSICA** (interrupts, holds paper and pen): Um, Sailor Moon? I know now might not be the time, but I was wondering if I could have your autograph?

Moon-Lisa slaps a hand over her forehead.

**MOON-LISA:** The appeal of fame is starting to wear off...

Luna sees that the pen Jessica is holding is the transformation pen she left.

**LUNA:** Hey, the pen found you, Jessica! Quickly, hold it up and say "Mars power, make up!" to become Sailor Mars, the soldier of flame!  
 **JESSICA:** I can be Sailor Mars? (pause, giddy) Oh my god! Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy...

The youma breaks its bonds, and Moon-Lisa's tiara returns to her.

**LUNA:** Do it now, Jessica!  
 **JESSICA:** oh boy... what? Okay! MARSU POWA, MAKE UP! (nothing happens) Hey, it didn't work...

Jessica suddenly bursts into flame.

**JESSICA:** Aiee! Help, I'm on fire!

She runs around madly, until the flames go out on their own accord, revealing that she now wears a uniform similar to the other two, except her bows etc are shades of red and black, and she wears heeled shoes instead of knee-boots. She looks down at herself with an expression that's a mix of shock and happiness

**JESSICA:** COOL!

(NOTE : And she's henceforth referred to as MARS-JESSICA when appropriate)

**MOON-LISA:** Jessica is the third soldier, Sailor Mars? (to Luna) Are you crazy, cat? She's not a good girl, believe me!  
 **LUNA:** Hey, give her a chance, Sailor Moon!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Yeah! I'll show you I can be good! Occasionally... (to Youma) Youma! The church depends on the collection money and hall fees of elderly people to survive! Kidnapping enough would bankrupt my family and is unforgivable! In the name of Mars, I'll p...  
 **YOUMA** : You're going to punish me, right? Boy is this getting repetitive...  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Um, no! I'll chastise you in the name of Mars! Yeah, chastise! FIRE...

She TWIRLS and clasps her hands, pointing her index fingers out together. A spark appears just above the tips of her fingers.

**MARS-JESSICA:** ... SOUL!

She shoots a great big fireball at the youma. It hits and the youma is surrounded by a huge pillar of flame, eventually throwing it into the sky.

**YOUMA** (flying into the air): Aggh! If this is chastise, what's punish like?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Wow! That's not bad!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Wow! I'm good at this!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** The youma's gone! Lets get out of here!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Yeah, lets do that ASAP! (to old folks) Quick everyone, get on the bus!  
 **GRAMPA:** Why?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Why? Because you'll be stranded here if you don't get out soon!  
 **GRAMPA:** Aww, this is nothing. Did I ever tell you about the time I was trapped behind enemy lines in Belgium? There we were, nothing but Nazis for hundreds of miles...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hm, this'll be harder than I thought. We need to get their attention and get them moving, fast!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** But how?  
 **GRAMPA** (cont) **:** ... and we were really bored. So I did what we always did in those days, we created out own entertainment! But we didn't have many things to use, so we ended up stealing a pig and seeing how full of air we could pump it...  
 **MOON-LISA:** I have an idea. Huddle!

Moon, Mercury, Mars and Luna get in a huddle, and whisper among themselves for a while. Mars-Jessica pokes her head up.

**MARS-JESSICA:** I don't know, Sailor Moon... it sounds pretty embarrassing.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Sailor Mars, if there's one thing you need to get used to in this job, it's embarrassment.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** She's right, and it does sound like it could work.  
 **GRAMPA** (cont) **:** ... that was fun for a while, but the novelty of an inflated pig soon wore off, so I devised a game - a wondrous game played on the Belgian beaches, where you had to hit the inflated pig over a high net, over and over again. Beach Abeyball was so popular that after the war we were chosen to represent Belgium in the Olympic games. I just wish the original pig had lived to see our success, but he had died somewhere in the middle of the second match.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Okay, lets do it then.

The soldiers line up, Mars-Jessica at the left, Merc-Allison in the middle and Moon-Lisa at the right, and start to do the can-can.

**MOON/MARS/MERC** : Da, diddy-diddy da da diddy-diddy da da diddy-diddy da da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da, diddy-diddy...  
 **JASPER:** Hey, look! They're putting on a Broadway show!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hey, come over and join in, if you want!  
 **CRAZY OLD MAN** : Oh boy, have you ever seen me dance? I'm a superstar!

All the old folks and Otto line up behind Mars-Jessica, and start doing the can-can. (badly) Moon-Lisa starts leading the line toward and then onto the bus.

**JASPER:** Heh, this reminds me of my own time in the navy... ah, good times, sweet nights...  
 **OTTO:** Woah, I gotta try this out in the clubs!  
 **GRAMPA:** Of course, Mike Van Damme wasn't very happy about the death of his pig, and set his son Jean Claude on us, but I easily defeated him with my patented mixture of preying mantis kung fu and The Force.

They can-can their way onto the bus, and Otto drives it out through the portal, towing the other bus behind it. Grampa continues his story as they do so.

**GRAMPA** (cont) **:** Unfortunately, after that I was double teamed by Hercule Poirot and Hieronymus Bosch, and not even my mastery of the art of Anything-Goes Abeyball Martial Arts could win the day. I returned to America a broken man, which explains a lot about my offspring.

**CUT TO:**

**THE STREET**  
As Grampa is talking, the bus emerges from the portal and people start getting off.

**CUT TO:**

**ROOFTOP**  
MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA and LUNA watch the old folks getting off.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Wow, I'm relieved we managed to get out!  
 **MOON-LISA:** I'm amazed! I must admit, I thought we were goners for a while.  
 **LUNA:** You all did very well today, I'm proud of you. Especially you, Sailor Mars.  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Wow, thanks! So... now that we're out of danger and out of sight, can I find out who you are? You know who I am, after all.  
 **MOON-LISA:** You really want to know?  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** You bet! You're my idols, it would be amazing to know who you are!

Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison smile at each other.

**MOON-LISA:** Okay, if you want to know...

Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison change their uniforms back to their regular clothes. There is a brief pause, then Mars-Jessica's jaw drops.

**MARS-JESSICA:** My teammates, Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury are... nerds?

Another pause, then...

**CUT TO:**

**VERY, VERY HIGH VIEW OF SPRINGFIELD**  
Jessica's tortured scream is heard in every part of the town.

**LISA** (voice-over): Needless to say, we saw fangirl Jessica rarely from that point on, and she returned to her normal nasty self.

As a variety of unrelated soldier-fight scenes play on the screen, Allison giggles on the voiceover.

**JESSICA** (voiceover): That was a cruel trick, Lisa. In the name of Mars, I'll REALLY punish you!  
 **LISA** (voiceover): Hey, you can't punish me! I'm Sailor Moon!  
 **LUNA** (voiceover): Girls, this is not the time.  
 **ALLISON** (voiceover): She's right. We still had to defeat Jimboite!

  


**EXT: SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT (NIGHT)**  
It's dark, after midnight. Far shot of Jimboite running away from a Jumbo Jet that is chasing him.

**JESSICA** (voiceover): Oh, he was easy! We ran him over with a jet!

Sure enough, the front plane wheel goes over Jimboite. SQUISH.

**JIMBOITE:** Owww... (leg twitches)  
 **JESSICA** (voiceover): So now that the Dark Kingdom is dealt with, I can punish these two!

 

**EXT: A PUBLIC PARK (DAY)**  
LISA and ALLISON sit at either end of a bench. JESSICA is in the middle, and twisting Lisa's arm behind her back. Allison is carrying LUNA.

**JESSICA:** This is what you get for tricking me!  
 **LISA:** Ow, that hurts! Jessica, you're mean! Stop it!  
 **LUNA:** JESSICA! Stop that right now! Allison, sit in-between them, will you?  
 **ALLISON:** Um, okay...

She moves in-between them, and Lisa and Jessica stop fighting.

**LUNA:** Now, I think we all know that the Dark Kingdom is more than just one general, don't we, Jessica?  
 **JESSICA:** Yes...  
 **LISA:** How long do you think it will be before they send out a new general to harass us then?  
 **LUNA:** Not long, I'm afraid. I would be surprised if they haven't already chosen Jimboite's replacement.

 


	4. Babysitters in Weird Crushes! Jupiter Comes Stumbling In

**INT: BIG SPOOKY MANSION. NIGHT**  
NELSONITE stands alone in the room. He's a copy of Nelson, wearing a Dark Kingdom general's uniform.

**NELSONITE:** The stars know everything. The life of humans is governed by the stars, and at one point in their lives the energy of a human will rise to a great level due to celestial intervention... I shall take that energy for our ruler. Stars, grant me the mystical power, show me the next target!

He sits down, and opens a newspaper.

**NELSONITE:** Okay, I'm a Sagittarius - (reads) Chance encounters and mistaken identities will bring love. Your confident attitude finds you favour with your boss, but beware of jealous co-workers trying to kill you. A set of badly dressed schoolgirls may cause problems. Regardless of everything else, you have a cool car despite being only 10, so you're doing fine. Your lucky colour is grey, lucky number is 3, the victim of the week is a tennis player.

  


A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

**"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 4 : Babysitters in weird crushes! Jupiter comes stumbling in...

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

  


**LISA** (Voice-over): Unfortunately it all ended in tragedy, as Nelsonite's colleague, Dolphite caught up with him...

 

**EXT: WOOD - NIGHT  
** Nelsonite leans against a tree. He's somewhat worse for wear, as he has about 6 3-foot-long thorns stuck through his chest. JANEY is kneeling beside him.

**JANEY:** No, don't die!  
 **NELSONITE:** Janey... I'm sorry... I really wanted to eat that chocolate parfait with you... and get a pizza, and some french fries... and a squishiee too... and some ice cream... a few cans of coke... a nice big steak... (starts to sit up) hey, man I'm hungry, oh wait, I forgot, I'm dead. (dies)  
 **JANEY:** NOOOOOOOOOO!

MOON-LISA, MARS-JESSICA and MERC-ALLISON watch from a vantage point some distance away.

**MARS-JESSICA:** I guess it's the same old story. Boy meets girl, girl gets crush, boy mistakes girl for Sailor Moon, boy steals girl's energy, girl doesn't seem to mind, boy uses girl to steal crystals, girl still doesn't seem to mind, boy uses girl to find out Sailor Moon's secret identity, girl STILL doesn't seem to mind, girl is kidnapped, boy finally gets a damn conscience, boy rescues girl, boy wants chocolate parfait, boy is killed by 3 foot thorns, girl is heartbroken.

Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison shake their heads sadly, tears in their eyes.

**MERC-ALLISON:** So sad... It's always the same.  
 **MOON-LISA:** I wonder how Janey could ever get over this...

**JANEY** (voiceover): It took a while, but I eventually did, and I got myself a new boyfriend. The boy who'd stuck by me the closest when I was sad...  
 **MILHOUSE** (voiceover): Me!

 

**THE BENCH IN THE PUBLIC PARK (DAY)**  
MILHOUSE and JANEY sit at the right-hand side of the bench. LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA and LUNA are at the far left, looking at Milhouse and Janey. It looks like they've just had a great shock and they've scrambled up on top of each other! Jessica kneels on the bench, Lisa has climbed up onto Jessica's back, Allison has climbed up onto Lisa's back and Luna is standing on Allison's shoulders.

**LISA/ALLISON/JESSICA** (in unison, surprised): Woah! When did you two get here???  
 **JANEY:** Just now.  
 **MILHOUSE:** You were doing some narration, and it looked like fun, so we thought we'd join in!  
 **JESSICA** (glare): Well, if you don't mind, this is a private narration.  
 **LISA:** Sorry Janey.  
 **JANEY:** Hmph, okay. We know when we're not wanted. Come on Milhouse, let's leave them to their clique and go have that shrimp.  
 **MILHOUSE:** Shrimp? Oh boy!

They get up and leave. The girls climb down off each other and sit on the bench.

**LISA** (disturbed) **:** Anyone predict that those two would get together?  
 **JESSICA:** Not me...  
 **ALLISON:** Nor I. But anyway (to Luna) what happened next?  
 **LUNA:** Well, I think the Dark Kingdom changed their plan...

  


**INT: THE BIG BLACK SCAREY PLACE.**  
QUEEN BERYL sits on her throne. DOLPHITE and KEARNEYITE stand before her.

**BERYL:** Our collection of energy is proceeding far too slowly! The Dark Kingdom has never had to do this before, but I've called in a consultant. Mr Dogbert?

A small white dog wearing glasses enters.

**DOGBERT:** Right here, Queen.  
 **BERYL:** Now that you have finished your analysis of our organization, what are your suggestions?  
 **DOGBERT:** Well, first there's an issue of space. You have quite the network of huge caves here, but currently you just let your youmas and generals stay anywhere, so we have 2 or 3 youmas per cavern. (holds out a cardboard box) Now, if you installed these "modular workspace and sleeping quarters" you could stack all your vassals and peons into a single cavern, and rent out the remaining space to other evil empires.  
 **KEARNEYITE:** Hey now wait a minute. I'm not sleeping in a cardboard box!  
 **DOGBERT:** We do of course have an executive model...

He pulls the cord on a curtain behind him, revealing a luxuriously decorated cardboard box, roughly the size of a penthouse.

**KEARNEYITE/DOLPHITE:** Oooh...  
 **DOGBERT:** As an extra bonus, I can get these modular units to you fairly cheap, from Dogbert Cardboard. Now, to my next finding... there is no sense of teamwork here. This kingdom is completely lacking in synergy, we can see it every day in the infighting, bickering and killing between Generals. If your generals could learn to work together on a task, the chances of success would rise, correct?  
 **BERYL:** You might be right...  
 **DOGBERT:** No, I'm always right. Now, it just so happens that I run a week's wilderness training workshop, to teach fundamental skills like teamwork and leadership and whatever. 99.3% of pointy-haired-bosses agree, they always have more synergy in their company after going on a wilderness workshop.  
 **BERYL:** Sounds good. We'll take it!

Fade out, and show caption "Two weeks later" Fade in to show Beryl, Dolphite and Kearneyite slowly staggering into the throne room. Dolphite and Kearneyite both carry a heavy backpack.

**KEARNEYITE:** Correct me if I'm wrong, your highness, but did we just pay $2000 a head to walk from Peking to Paris, while the dog drove ahead in a limo?  
 **BERYL:** Yes... I suppose so. But we learned a lot about teamwork, didn't we?  
 **DOLPHITE:** Did we? I didn't.  
 **KEARNEYITE:** Neither did I. He didn't talk to us once during the trip.  
 **BERYL:** Well, I did... didn't I?

**CUT TO:**

**ANOTHER PART OF THE DARK KINGDOM**  
DOGBERT stands counting a stack of money, laughing quietly to himself. He turns as he hears some shouting behind him, and sees a huge mass of youmas charging at him, led by Dolphite and Kearneyite.

**KEARNEYITE:** Die!  
 **DOGBERT:** Uh oh, looks like they've caught up faster than average. (into communicator) Beam me up, Nabiki.

**NABIKI TENDO** (filtered): I told you this was a bad idea.  
 **DOGBERT:** Never mind that, just beam me up before they kill me.  
 **NABIKI TENDO** (filtered): 160000 yen.  
 **DOGBERT:** Forget it. (throws away communicator, gets another one) Beam me up, Dilbert.  
 **DILBERT** (filtered): Sure.

Dogbert disappears in a flash of light, just as the Dark Kingdom guys get to him.

**KEARNEYITE:** Damn! We missed him!

Beryl glides over.

**BERYL:** Kearnyite, hunt down that consultant and destroy him! The rest of you, forget what he said... we're going back to basics. Dolphite...

Beryl waves a hand over the orb on her staff. A black crystal comes out of the orb, and throws itself over to Dolphite, who catches it.

**BERYL:** Forget about human energy... if we had the Ginzuishou, or Silver Plot Device, we would be able to awaken our great ruler instantly. The Ginzuishou will shine when all the "Rainbow Crystals" are collected - and this Dark Crystal will lead you to the humans that have the rainbow crystals. Got it?  
 **DOLPHITE:** Uh... could you repeat that? What crystals lead to what again?  
 **BERYL:** Just use the dark one to find the rainbow ones for now, dimwit.  
 **DOLPHITE:** Huh, okay...

 

**STREET - DAY**  
LISA walks home from school, LUNA beside her.

**LUNA:** I must say, Lisa, I'm very impressed with how well you girls are doing. You're tackling our enemies responsibly and competently, even though you're a bit young. I was occasionally afraid that the soldiers would turn out to be ditzes, but I'm glad you have a brain in your head.

**LISA** (smiling, but a bit embarrassed): He he... well, thanks Luna... I'd prefer it if it didn't seem so silly though, I mean, couldn't we change the uniform a little or something...

Lisa's not looking where she's going, and walks into a 9th grade girl. The girl and her two friends tower over Lisa. All three smoke cigarettes.

**GIRL 1** : Hey shrimp, watch where you're going!  
 **GIRL 2** : Yeah, you could hurt someone like that!  
 **LISA:** S-sorry, I didn't mean...  
 **GIRL 1** : It doesn't matter what you meant! We're gonna need some compensation for this! You've got money, don'cha?  
 **LISA:** Money? N-no, I don't...  
 **GIRL 3** : Liar! 'Course you do! Get her!

Girl 1 pushes Lisa over. 2 and 3 hold Lisa down, while 1 goes through Lisa's bag.

**LISA:** Agh! Hey, don't... hey, lemmie go!  
 **LAURA** (offscreen): Hey! Leave her alone!

Camera quickly pans over to LAURA POWERS. (episode "New Kid On The Block") She stands with a hand on her hip and her schoolbag over her shoulder.

(Laura is a teenager who moved in next door to the Simpsons. Bart became infatuated with her, but his heart was (almost literally) torn out when she got herself a boyfriend - Jimbo Jones. Bart managed to get his own back though - he tricked Moe into threatening Jimbo with a very sharp knife. Jimbo burst into tears and Laura realized he wasn't the hard man he made himself out to be. So she dumped the wimp. When she was younger, Laura spent a lot of time travelling the world as her dad was in the army. Now her parents are divorced and she lives with her mother Ruth in Springfield)

**GIRL 3** : Hey, you're an eighth grader, aren't ya?  
 **GIRL 1** : Better leave us alone, or you're next!  
 **LAURA** : I don't think so, that girl's my neighbor! I baby-sit for her!  
 **GIRL 1** : You wanna be a hero? Okay, you asked for it!

**LISA** (voiceover): Needless to say, when a lone heroine babysitter is outnumbered by bullies in defense of an innocent victim...

Show quick flashes of Laura uppercutting one girl, kicking the next, and throwing the last over her shoulder

**LUNA** (voiceover): ... she always beats the stuffing out of them. Absolutely always.

**CUT TO:**

**STREET**  
Lisa and Luna walk with Laura. Dear God, are there three L's in this scene? At least Lenny and Lou the cop aren't here.

**LISA:** Um... thanks for helping back there... how'd you do that?  
 **LAURA:** No problem, glad to do it. Back when we were always moving around with my dad, he's teach me some of the stuff he learned from the army. (looks around nervously) Come on, I'll walk you home in case they come back.

They continue, and pass the Kwik-E-Mart... there seems to a huge commotion going on outside.

**LISA:** Hey, what's going on over there?  
 **LAURA:** I don't know... lets check it out.

Close up on Luna.

**LUNA** (thinking): Hm, I sense a strange energy. We'd better be careful.

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE KWIK-E-MART**  
There's a huge crowd of people gathered around a crane-game machine. A young man in his teens to early-20s (JOE) is playing on it. An almost full bag of soft toys lies at his feet. A large group of people, including ALLISON and JESSICA have gathered to watch.  
He puts another quarter into the machine, and positions the crane over a bootleg Sailor Merc-Allison plush doll. As the crane descends, he places a hand on the glass, and the doll ascends up into the grabber, followed by an Itchy plush as well.  
He picks them up out of the tray, and holds them before him - suddenly a huge smile appears on his face, and he stares blankly at the dolls.

**JOE** (to self): He he... plushies for Joe, more plushies for Joe...

He rubs his cheek against the Itchy doll, making "mnn mnn" noises, and then seems to wake up, as he notices people are watching him.

**JOE:** Hey, what are you looking at?

All the people looking at him take a step backward. Joe looks at the dolls.

**JOE:** Hm, I hate it when that happens in public...

He puts the dolls in a bag, and another quarter in the machine. Camera pans over to Lisa, who walks over to Allison and Jessica.

**LISA:** Heya... what's going on? Who is this guy?  
 **ALLISON:** Hi Lisa. I think he's called Crane Guy Joe.  
 **JESSICA:** He's some freak who obsessively plays crane games until he has all the dolls from them. I heard he's cleaned out most of the games around Springfield in the last few days.  
 **LISA:** Hm, that's weird. He must have some kind of obsession or something...

Tight shot of Joe's profile. His face is turning red with excitement as he wins another doll. Suddenly, the muzzle of a shotgun is pressed into his cheek.

**APU** (OS): Please to be stepping away from the machine.

Cut backwards to show APU and SANJAY pointing shotguns at Joe. Joe puts up his hands and steps back.

**APU:** I do not know how you have been so lucky with my rigged amusement, but I must ask you to step away and allow others to waste their money on it. Take your ill-gotten toys and leave please.  
 **JOE:** Hey man, I was winning those dolls fair and square...

Apu and Sanjay cock their guns. Joe backs away.

**APU:** Nobody wins those dolls fair and square! It is not possible Sir!  
 **JOE:** Okay, alright, I'm going...

He grabs his bag and leaves, passing Lisa, Allison and Jessica who watch him go.

**JESSICA:** I'd say that one's missing a few buttons.  
 **ALLISON:** He looks a lot like he needs psychiatric help.  
 **LISA:** Yeah, I agree... what do you think, Laura?

Camera pans back to show Laura standing next to Lisa. She has a lovesick look on her face.

**LAURA:** My old boyfriend...  
 **LISA:** Huh?  
 **LAURA:** He looks just like my old boyfriend, who I dumped because he was a wuss...

JIMBO appears from out of nowhere.

**JIMBO:** Hey, I resemble that remark!  
 **LAURA** (suddenly vicious): Was I talking to you, worm?  
 **JIMBO:** Eep! (backs away)  
 **LAURA** (lovelorn again): Anyway... ever since then, I havn't really been able to get him out of my mind...  
 **JIMBO** (OS): If you want me back, I'm right here!  
 **LAURA** (vicious again): Push off and die, creep!

Laura runs off, chasing after Joe.

**LISA:** Wow, pretty weird.  
 **LUNA:** Lisa, I'm concerned about Laura... we should follow her, I got a strange feeling from that man.

 

**A PARK - DAY**  
Laura walks through the park, looking for Joe. She eventually spots him in amongst the trees, sitting cross-legged on the grass and playing with his new toys. She hides behind a bush and watches him.

**LAURA:** Ah, he's so cute and wimpy... just like my old boyfriend...

**CUT TO:**

**CLOSEUP OF JOE AND HIS TOYS**  
Joe plays with his toys - a frog doll and the Merc-Allison doll.

**JOE:** So what do you like about me, Clyde Frog?

**JOE** (to himself, as Clyde): Everything! You are great, Joe! And you're so good at the crane game!  
 **JOE** (as self): Well thank you Clyde Frog. What about you, Sailor Mercury?  
 **JOE** (to self as Mercury): I think you're the smartest and coolest person ever, Joe! I really like the way you casually blow off nice people, just to be an asshole!

**CUT TO:**

**CLOSEUP OF LAURA**  
She continues to stare lovingly toward Joe. But there's a rasping sound coming from somewhere. Camera moves out to show Lisa, Jessica and Allison hiding behind the same bush. Allison is grinding her teeth, and looks severely PISSED OFF.

**LAURA:** Woah, where did you three come from? Is everyone following me about today?  
 **JESSICA:** Hey Allison, I didn't know you swore like that.  
 **ALLISON** (incandescent RAGE): I Don't. If he doesn't get his hands off that doll in 6 seconds, I'll...  
 **JESSICA:** Yeesh, calm down girl. It's just a doll, it's not you.  
 **JOE** (OS): I'm glad I got you Sailor Mercury, and not that nasty Sailor Mars. (Jessica frowns) I got one of her once and had to throw her in the trash, (Jessica glares) she just didn't understand me.  
 **JESSICA** (deadpan): Okay, he's dead.  
 **ALLISON** (glaring): Lets get 'im.

They nod at each other, and grab their transformation pens, but are interrupted by a coughing coming from the ground. Luna is hiding in the bush and glares up at them.

**LUNA** (whisper): I sincerely hope you're not thinking of transforming in front of Laura, and attacking a civilian?  
 **ALLISON/JESSICA:** Aw... but...

Luna shakes her head.

**JESSICA:** Okay Luna... come on Allison, lets go find a private place to transform, and then get him!  
 **ALLISON:** Alright!

They run off.

**LUNA:** Hey, that's not what I meant... aw, forget it.

Pan back to Laura and Lisa. Laura apparently hasn't noticed any of this, as she's still looking at Joe.

**LAURA:** Okay, I'm going to make my move.  
 **LISA:** Are you sure? He seems a bit... disturbed... to me.  
 **LAURA:** Don't worry Lisa... I'm sure that once you get past his odd obsession with toys, he's a great guy. Wish me luck!

She gets up from behind the bush, and walks over towards Joe.

**LAURA:** Hi, I...

Joe grabs his toys and holds them to his chest.

**JOE** (snarling): MY PRECIOUS!

**CUT TO:**

**BEHIND BUSH**  
Lisa has been watching this, and Laura sits down beside her.

**LAURA:** Okay, on to plan B.  
 **LISA:** You're going to bother with plan B after that?  
 **LAURA:** He's a bit edgy and possessive, but I'm sure that I can change him.  
 **LISA:** Don't you think you're being a little ridiculous?  
 **LAURA:** I'm a teenager, ridiculous is my forte. I mean...

As she gets to "I mean", DOLPHITE teleports into the area near Joe. Joe is a bit scared.

**LAURA:** ... hey, who the heck is that?

Luna sticks her head out from the bush.

**LUNA** (quiet): A Dark Kingdom general! (heads through bush to Lisa) Lisa, sneak away and change to Sailor Moon!

Lisa looks at Luna and nods.

**CUT TO:**

**CLEARING IN PARK.**  
Joe sits on the ground, looking up at Dolphite.

**JOE** (scared): Who, who are you? And what do you want with my plushies?  
 **DOLPHITE:** What do I look like? I don't want your plushies. It's you I'm interested in!  
 **JOE:** W-w-what?

Dolphite throws the black crystal toward Joe.

**DOLPHITE:** Dol!

The crystal spins, and hangs in the air. It then starts giving out weirdo rays represented by loads of concentric circles. The concentric circles make Joe even weirder - he starts shaking and screaming.

**LAURA** (getting up): Hey, what do you think you're doing to him?  
 **LISA** (whisper): Laura, no! Be careful!  
 **LAURA:** Why don't you pick on someone your own size?  
 **DOLPHITE:** Don't get in my way, or you'll be sorry.  
 **LAURA:** Hmph! Hi-ya!

Dolphite snatches the crystal back, as Laura attacks him. She tries to kick and punch for several seconds, but Dolphite just dodges. Eventually however she manages to get a punch in on Dolphite's cheek, and he staggers.

**DOLPHITE:** Hey! You hit me! But you won't stop me... I WILL have the rainbow crystal! Dol!

He throws out the Dark Crystal again, and Joe starts screaming again. A red crystal comes out of his chest, and flies over to Dolphite's hand.

**DOLPHITE:** I got it!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hey! Stop right there!  
 **LAURA:** Sailor Moon?

Yes, at some point Lisa has finally got her hands on that brooch and changed to Sailor Moon mode. Dolphite is unimpressed.

**DOLPHITE:** You're too late. Take care of them, Youma Gesen!

He disappears, teleporting away. Moon-Lisa and Laura gasp, and then turn to Joe. He's kneeling on the ground and screaming - a huge whirlwind rises up around him, and when it subsides, a youma shaped like a robotic man is there.

**YOUMA GESEN:** GESEN!  
 **LAURA:** What the?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hey! He turned into a youma?  
 **GESEN:** GESEN!

He points his arm at Lisa, and presses some buttons on his gauntlet. It makes some "video-gamey" beeps and bloops. Then the hand turns into a grabber which shoots straight at Moon-Lisa, seizing her and binding her arms to her sides.

**LAURA:** Look out!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Agh! Help!

She tries to break out of the grip, but can't.

**LUNA:** Sailor Moon! (to self) Oh, where did Jessica and Allison go? I thought they would be back soon...

**CUT TO:**

**LADIES TOILETS**  
Jessica and Allison stand outside the cubicles, waiting for the current users to come out. After a few moments the toilets flush, and the 2 doors open. The current occupants leave and Jessica and Allison run in, closing the doors behind them.

**JESSICA:** MARSU POWA, MAKE UP!  
 **ALLISON:** MURCURI POWA, MAKE UP!

A huge fire flares in the cubicle that Jessica is in, while water starts flooding out of the cubicle Allison is in. This continues for a few seconds, until Merc-Allison opens her door and the blackened and charred door falls off of Mars-Jessica's cubicle, and she exits it. The floor is flooded with water, and Mars-Jessica's cubicle is on fire. She looks at it, and puts her hands to her mouth.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Oops...  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Hm, maybe we should avoid doing that in enclosed spaces...  
 **MARS-JESSICA** (panicking): Well, what are you waiting for? Put it out!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** I'll try... BUBBLE SPRAY!

She tries to use the Bubble Spray to put the fire out.

**CUT TO:**

**BACK AT THE FIGHT**  
Things are the same as they were - Gesen has Moon-Lisa in a hold, Laura and Luna are watching.

**LUNA** (to self): Well, I hope they return soon! I don't know how much longer Sailor Moon can hold on.

Closeup of Moon-Lisa. She struggles against the bonds for a few seconds... and then they suddenly disappear.

**MOON-LISA:** Huh?

She looks up, and sees that Laura has picked up Gesen, and is holding it over her head! As she holds the pose, a symbol similar to a green 4 appears on her forehead.

**LAURA:** I'm a big fan of Sailor Moon, so leave her alone!  
 **GESEN:** GESEN?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Wow, that's incredible! I had no idea Laura could lift so much!

Laura suddenly turns red as her shoulders slump, and stumbles to the side a little before falling over.

**LUNA** (deadpan): That's because she can't.  
 **LAURA:** Well, I think I hurt him more than I hurt myself... ow.

Gesen gets up.

**GESEN:** GESEN!  
 **LUNA:** Quick, Laura, get up!  
 **LAURA:** Woah, the cat is talking! Cool!  
 **LUNA** (flattered): Well, thanks for saying, I'm glad...  
 **LAURA:** Are you one of those Japanese robot pets, like an AIBO?  
 **LUNA** (no longer flattered): No. Hmph! Quickly, take this transformation pen, and say "Jupiter Power, Make Up!" Then help Sailor Moon defeat the youma!  
 **LAURA:** What? It sounds strange but... okay. (takes it, and holds it up) JUPITER POWER, MAKE UP!

Laura is immediately covered by electricity - we see her hair standing out on end, and an x-ray of her skeleton in a "shock" pose.

**LAURA:** Bzzt-but-bzztt-bu-buztz-bu-butz-buzz...

The electricity subsides quickly, leaving a slightly smoking SAILOR JUPITER (JUP-LAURA) standing there. She's dressed similarly to Moon-Lisa, except in shades of green with pink bows.

**JUP-LAURA** (breathless): Woah... what a rush...  
 **LUNA:** You are the fourth Sailor Soldier, Sailor Jupiter!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Great! We finally got another!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** I am? So, uh... what do I do?  
 **GESEN** (getting up): GESEN!  
 **LUNA:** Quickly, use the "Supreme Thunder!" on that!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** "Supreme Thunder?" Okay, I'll give it a shot...

She jumps up into the air, toward Gesen.

**JUP-LAURA:** My planet Jupiter, bring the storms, dark clouds, and thunder!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Who do you think you are, Storm?  
 **LUNA:** Just do the attack!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Awww... okay.

A lightning rod extends out of the gem in Jup-Laura's tiara. Lightning crackles around it.

**JUP-LAURA:** SUPREME THUNDER!

She shoots the lighting at the youma. As it's mechanical and electrical, it crackles and almost shuts down from being overloaded.

**GESEN:** GE-GE-GESEN!  
 **MOON-LISA:** I think it's almost down! I'll finish it off with my tiara! (goes to grab it...)  
 **LUNA:** No, Sailor Moon, don't! That youma was originally a human - well, a really weird one, but a human nonetheless.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Well... that's bad! I can't kill a human!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** What can we do? We can't let it go either!  
 **LUNA:** You have to heal it!

Luna does a BIG TWIRLY BACKFLIP, and a wand with a crescent-moon shaped head appears. It falls into Moon-Lisa's hands.

**LUNA:** It's the Moon Wand. Wave it about a lot and say "Moon Healing Escalation!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Is that all I do in this job? Wave things about and shout?  
 **LUNA:** Pretty much, yeah. No heavy lifting.  
 **MOON-LISA** (resigned) **:** Oh well. Here goes then...

**CUT TO:**

**REPETITIVE MOON WAND ATTACK**  
Closeup of Moon-Lisa's hand - she spins the Moon Wand in it, and then lowers it to POSE with it in front of her face. Then she sticks out the wand, and SPIN SPIN SPIN WAVE WAVE WAVE POSE.

**MOON-LISA:** MOON HEALING ESCALATION!

**CUT TO:**

**BACK TO THE PARK**  
GESEN glows brightly, stretching out his arms and legs.

**GESEN:** Refresh!

He turns back into JOE, and falls over. There is silence for a moment.

**MOON-LISA:** Refresh?  
 **LUNA:** Don't ask me. I'm just a cat.  
 **JUP-LAURA:** So... forgive me for being a clueless newbie, but what just happened?  
 **LUNA:** You are one of the Sailor Soldiers, Sailor Jupiter, the soldier of Thunder and lightning, and also coconuts and oak leaves for some reason. Sailor Moon, now we have 4 members, and the Moon Wand has appeared in your hands... you must be the leader! Now, we have to find the princess!

An ambulance pulls up, and DR NICK RIVIERA gets out.

**NICK:** Hi everybody!  
 **MOON-LISA/JUP-LAURA:** Uh, hi Dr Nick...

Nick sees Joe lying on the ground.

**NICK:** Holy smokes! You caught the escaped mental patient we were looking for!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** We did? Well, it was nothing really...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Uh, yeah, nothing we can't handle.

**NICK:** Well then... come on Joe!

Two men come out of the ambulance, straitjacket Joe, and load him onto a stretcher. He's still partly unconscious, just groaning occasionally.

**NICK:** Thanks again, we need to get Joe back to his treatment. Bye everybody!  
 **MOON-LISA/JUP-LAURA:** Bye Dr Nick!

The ambulance doors close, and it drives off. Follow it for a moment.

**NICK** (OS): Now Joe, since you missed so much of your treatment, we'll have to increase the voltage for just now. Or should we increase the amps? Eh, lets do both!  
 **JOE** (OS): No... not more electricity...

Loud ZAPPING noises are heard, and lights flash in the ambulance. Joe's screams are heard over the noise.

**NICK:** Oh, that was a good one. Now, how do you feel about plushies?  
 **JOE:** Eugh...

**CUT TO:**

**BACK TO THE PARK (AGAIN)**  
Moon-Lisa and Jup-Laura watch the ambulance leave.

**JUP-LAURA:** Well, it's good to know he's in safe hands.

MARS-JESSICA and MERC-ALLISON run over.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Okay, if you see anybody claiming we vandalized a restroom, we didn't do it, okay?  
 **LUNA:** What are you talking about?  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Never mind. (cracks knuckles) Now, where's that freak?  
 **MOON-LISA:** The state took him away.

Both Mars-Jessica and Merc-Allison bow their heads sadly.

**MARS-JESSICA/MERC-ALLISON:** Aww...  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** I guess we were too slow... oh well. Who's the new girl?  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** And where'd you get that tacky wand?

**LISA** (voiceover): We explained everything that had happened to Allison and Jessica, and told Laura about everything we knew.

**CUT TO:**

**THE PARK BENCH**  
LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA and LAURA sit on the bench. Allison holds LUNA on her lap.

**LAURA:** So, what do we do now?  
 **LUNA:** We need to find the princess.  
 **JESSICA:** Where is she?  
 **LUNA:** I... don't know.  
 **ALLISON:** How will we find her?  
 **LUNA:** I... don't know.  
 **LISA:** What does she look like?  
 **LUNA:** I... don't know.

Jessica picks up Luna, and holds her level with her face.

**JESSICA:** Do you know ANYTHING about her?  
 **LUNA:** Not really... but I have Central Control working on it! They're trying to get us some clues.  
 **LISA:** You mentioned them before. Who are Central Control?  
 **LUNA:** Well, um... y'know, I don't really know.

A sweatdrop appears over everyone's heads, and they bow their heads. Lisa puts her face in her hands.

**LISA:** We're doomed...

 


	5. Shine on you Crazy Crystal! The Birth of Venus!

**INTRO MONTAGE**

Shot of LISA, standing with her back to you, She turns and smiles as the VO speaks.

**LISA** (voiceover): Hi, my name's Lisa Simpson!

She makes the victory sign with her fingers. Shots of Lisa's swish-swish-swish-swish transformation sequence.

**LISA** (voiceover): It's strange but, as you should know if you've been paying any attention, somehow I've ended up as the pretty suited soldier for love and justice, Sailor Moon! And my friends are -

Shot of ALLISON turning into MERC-ALLISON

**LISA** (VO cont): the kind genius girl, Allison Taylor...

Shot of JESSICA turning into MARS-JESSICA

**LISA** (VO cont): the beautiful but nasty Jessica Lovejoy

Shot of LAURA turning into JUP-LAURA

**LISA** (VO cont): and our newest but eldest member, Laura Powers! There are four of us now, so we should have nothing to worry about...

Close-up of MOON-LISA's face as she does her salute.

**LISA** (VO cont): but I can't help it. With something this weird, wouldn't you worry a little? Oh well, we'll try our best!

MOON-LISA giggles a little.

 

A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

**"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 5 : Shine on, you crazy crystal! The birth of Venus.

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

  


**ESTABLISHING SHOT : SIMPSONS HOUSE**

**CUT TO:**  

**KITCHEN**

MARGE stands by the sink, washing dishes. HOMER is sitting at the table. Marge acts as normal but has a vertical blue line on her forehead and a blue mark on each cheek.

**MARGE** (concerned) **:** Homer, have you noticed how strangely Lisa's been acting lately?  
 **HOMER:** Yeah, I was just talking with one of her teachers yesterday.  
 **MARGE:** Oh? What were they saying?  
 **HOMER:** Her gym marks have finally improved! She's getting really good at (starts counting on fingers) dodgeball...

The background behind Homer suddenly changes to a picture of LISA diving out of the way of a ball. It then fades to a similar pose of MOON-LISA diving out of the way of a huge fireball.

**HOMER** (cont, next finger): sprinting...

The background behind Homer changes to a picture of LISA running down the track leaving other students in her wake. It then fades to a similar pose of MOON-LISA sprinting away from a GIANT YOUMA.

**HOMER** (cont, next finger): high jump...  
 **MARGE** (interrupting, background back to norm): That's not what I mean, Homer! I mean the late nights! Her being so secretive about where she's been! That cat that's always following her about! Her new group of friends! I mean... Allison is nice, but I don't approve of that Lovejoy tramp at all, and I don't know if she should spend so much time around Laura.  
 **HOMER:** You're worrying too hard Marge, Lisa's fine. She's just putting effort into getting more popular, and that's what's important.  
 **MARGE:** Hmmmph... well, it's not just Lisa. People all over Springfield have been acting oddly, and nobody notices. Like when all those space pirates and that crazy scientist moved in with Moe?  
 **HOMER:** That's nothing unusual, Moe's always been a handsome if bland lady-killer.

Marge just gapes at Homer.

**MARGE:** Did you just say...

She is interrupted by extremely loud HEAVY METAL, and looks up at the ceiling.

**HOMER:** Well, at least Bart's still as American as apple pie and evil faceless corporations. BART! IT'S TOO LOUD!  
 **BART** (shout, OS): YOU'RE TOO OLD!

Thankfully for the rest of the scene, the music does turn down a bit.

**MARGE:** And that's another thing. When did Bart become the world's biggest Metallica fan?  
 **HOMER** (overacting): I don't know, but it's clear that the devils own music has got to the boy! (stands) He needs some discipline and fast. There's only one thing to do! (reaches under table and pulls out a huge rucksack, which he puts on.) Marge, I'm taking the boy on a training trip to China.  
 **MARGE** (pointing at Homer): Okay, but if he doesn't come back a man among men you're both committing suicide.  
 **HOMER** (casual salute): You got it.

Suddenly an odd creature jumps onto the table. It looks a bit like a rabbit with 8 spidery (but still furry) legs. Marge gasps.

**MARGE:** A bug!  
 **HOMER:** A bug?  
 **SELMA** (OS): A bug!

Whip pan over to PATTY and SELMA standing in the doorway. Patty is dressed in a brave attempt at "sexy" and Selma wears white robes and carries a small hammer. They have similar marks on their faces as Marge.

**SELMA** : DIE bug!

Selma leaps onto the kitchen table, and smashes the hammer down on the bug, which disappears in a puff of smoke. Silence for a moment, until Marge puts her hands on her hips.

**MARGE:** We'll, I'm just glad none of us are affected!

LUNA enters the room, and looks at everyone, a puzzled look on her face. She seems to shrug her shoulders, and walks out.

**LUNA** (to self): Weird people...

  


**EXT: THE KWIK-E-MART CAR PARK, NIGHT**  
LUNA walks along the front of the K-E-M building, heading for the door.

**LUNA:** Time to talk to Central Control again.

The doors open for her, and she heads inside.

**CUT TO:**

**INSIDE THE KWIK-E-MART**

APU is behind the counter, but aside from him and Luna the store is deserted. Luna sees the "Cat Fight" arcade machine (from ep "Bart Star") and heads over, jumping up to the control platform.

Quick shot of the game - two women fight on a huge cannon with the sea in the BG. One wears a white top and black miniskirt, the other an entirely-too-revealing red dress. They stand slapping each other.

**WOMEN** : Bitch! Bitch! Skank! Bitch! Skank! Skank! Bitch! Skank! Bitch!

**LUNA:** Central control certainly seems to have a twisted sense of humor. Oh well, lets see this code again. (she puts her paws on the controls) Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start.

The screen freezes and turns light blue. An oscilloscope-line on the screen synchronizes with Control's speech.

**CONTROL** (male, filtered): Password accepted. Welcome, Luna. Do you have a report to make?  
 **LUNA:** Yes. We have found and awakened Sailor Jupiter! Sailor Moon, though occasionally still skeptical, has taken to her role well and is proving to be a good leader, and the other 3 Sailor Soldiers are adapting just as well.  
 **CONTROL** (filtered): That is excellent news, Luna.  
 **LUNA:** Oh yes... also, Sailor Mercury requests that she be given a power that is actually useful.  
 **CONTROL** (filtered): Again? Persistent, isn't she?  
 **LUNA** (groan): You have no idea...  
 **CONTROL** (filtered): Okay, just tell her she can have the computer, or a new power, but not both at once until she gets to level 6. Is there anything else?  
 **LUNA:** Well... the last youma we fought was created from a human - the Dark Kingdom general stole a Rainbow Crystal from it.  
 **CONTROL** : Hm... that is very worrying... you know what you have to do.

Luna nods at the screen.

**CUT TO:**

**FROM BEHIND APU'S COUNTER**

Apu looks out over his counter. A black paw reaches up onto the counter and leaves a $20 bill there.

**LUNA:** You didn't see nuthin'.  
 **APU** (taking money): That is correct, small black talking cat.

**MONTAGE** : the Sailor Soldiers fighting some of the Great Youma's - for example, Rev Lovejoy with a pair of angel wings and boxing gloves.

**LISA** (voiceover): What followed was a very difficult process of waiting for Dolphite to strike, letting him take the gem, and then taking the gem from him while also trying to defeat the new youma. Too often we freed the person, but failed to get the gem... we needed some help. But who?

  


**INT: LISA'S BEDROOM, NIGHT**  
LISA sits on the end of her bed. LAURA sits on the bed and leans against the headrest. JESSICA sits on the floor, reading a Sailor V comic. (American comic, not a manga, poor girl) ALLISON sits on Lisa's ergonomic chair, working on her computer.

**LAURA:** There's got to be someone we could ask for help.  
 **JESSICA:** What about those NERVOUS guys? The ones with the giant robots?  
 **LISA:** I tried talking to them, but they seem pretty suspicious and manipulative... I don't trust them.

**CUT TO:**

**SPRINGFIELD TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT**  
Shot of the statue of Jebidiah Springfield. A LARGE PURPLE METAL FOOT crushes it. Pan up to see a HUGE PURPLE ROBOT fighting a giant monster. The purple robot proceeds to get it's ass handed to it, until it is disabled.

**CUT TO:**

**COCKPIT OF ROBOT**  
MILHOUSE is in the pilot's seat.

**MILHOUSE:** Uh oh, this ain't good...

A HOLOGRAMATIC GRETA WOLFCASTLE appears in front of him. It's obviously the robot's form of communication. She's seen in a square pop-up window.

**GRETA:** Milhouse, you suck! Now I'm going to have to upstage you and defeat the monster myself!  
 **MILHOUSE:** But I...

She disappears, and A HOLOGRAMATIC KIRK VAN HOUTEN appears. He's steepled his fingers in front of him, and is mostly in shadow except for his bright white glasses.

**KIRK** : I'm very disappointed in you Milhouse.  
 **MILHOUSE:** But dad...

He disappears, and a HOLOGRAMATIC NELSON MUNTZ appears. He pounds his fist into his hand angrily.

**NELSON** : My sister was standing next to that statue you crushed, Van Houten. Remind me to hurt you badly later.  
 **MILHOUSE:** But...

Nelson disappears, and Milhouse clutches his hands to the side of his head.

**MILHOUSE:** Agh, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE! I don't like giant robots or fighting! All I wanted to do was cook fried shrimp!

His freak-out is interrupted by A HOLOGRAMATIC MRS KRABAPPEL appearing.

**MRS K** : So you screwed up again? Well, never mind... just come back to my place and check out the anthropomorphic penguin I just got! (wink)

She disappears, and Milhouse shudders.

**MILHOUSE** (to self): I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away...

**CUT TO:**

**SIMPSONS'S TV ROOM**  
Closeup of MAGGIE who sits on the couch by herself. She looks disdainfully at the camera.

**MAGGIE:** Suck suuck.  
 **SUBTITLE:** So many idiots.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM**  
LISA, LAURA, JESSICA and ALLISON are still here.

**LAURA:** Well, we could always ask Bart to help.  
 **LISA:** I would ask him, but I don't think it's a good idea to risk him finding out about us... and he's got some problems of his own since he came back from his trip with Dad...

**CUT TO:**

**SPRINGFIELD CITY STREETS.**  
A chase scene is in progress. Closeup of Bart's face, as he runs away from a number of people in the background behind him - MARA MORRIGAN (fanfic character) who wears a green gymnastics leotard and twirls a ribbon, SHERRI who is dressed in a Chinese-style red dress and carries two colourful but heavy maces, and DATABASE who is wearing long white robes and has no (visible) weapons.

**MARA** (slightly insane): Ah ha ha ha ha! Bart, my darling! Marry me today and we shall live in bliss for all eternity!  
 **SHERRI** (Chinese accent for some reason): You crazy girl. Bart marry Sherri! Wo ai ni!  
 **DATABASE:** Bart, I'll kill you, and then I'll be able to marry Sherri myself!  
 **BART:** (huff) But, I don't want to marry anyone! (puff) I'm only ten! (huff) Aw geez, what did I do to deserve this?

Bart glances over his shoulder at the pursuing three and runs into somebody. Bart falls backward to the ground. Camera moves down to the ground next to him to look up at the person - it's MARTIN.

**MARTIN** (drama king): Who dares to assault the personage of Martin Prince?  
 **BART:** Oh great, this is the last thing I need now.

Martin draws a bokken, a Japanese wooden sword.

**MARTIN:** Ah, it is the rogue, Bart Simpson. Have you no respect for your betters, cretin? Although it may be wasted on an ignoramus such as yourself, it must fall to me to teach you a lesson in proper behaviour. (to self) For that is surely my duty - being so noble can be a true chore it seems, but that is the role of a master swordsman such as I, to punish the wrong, champion the cause of civility and, on occasion, sell Amway as well. But enough talk... (to Bart) have at you!

But Bart has gone!

**MARTIN:** He... e's buggered off!  
 **SHERRI** : Silly overblown sword boy right, he scarper!  
 **DATABASE:** Bart Simpson, you coward! Where have you fled to?

**CUT TO:**

**SIDE STREET**  
Bart tiptoes down the side street, looking over his shoulder occasionally.

**BART:** Phew, I finally lost them.  
 **BOB** (OS): Prepare to die, Bart Simpson!

Bart turns to see SIDESHOW BOB standing over him. Bob waves a switchblade at Bart.

**BART:** AAAGH! SIDESHOW BOB!  
 **BOB:** Yes Bart, it's me again! Finally, today is the day I'll get my revenge for all the pain and hardship you've caused me!

There is a sudden deluge of water. Quickly pan up to a second floor window. NELSON pokes his head out the window. He carries an empty bucket.

**NELSON** : HAW HAW! Soaked ya good!

Quick pan back down. Bart has a pigtail now, and he is being (ineffectively) assaulted by a small black pot-bellied pig wielding a switchblade. Bart kicks the pig out the way.

**BART-CHAN** : Uh, great meeting you again, Bob...  
 **PIG** (infuriated): Squeeee!  
 **BART-CHAN** (ignoring pig): Great, now I gotta go home for a bath.

Bart walks off, leaving the pig behind.

**PIG** (infuriated): Squeeeeee! (throws switchblade at ground) Squeeee! (sadly, sits down) Squee...

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM**  
They're all in the same places.

**LISA:** No, Bart's far too busy.  
 **ALLISON:** Well, what about that guy you once told me about? The tuxedo guy who saved you once?

Lisa's face gets a wistful expression.

**LISA:** Ah, Tuxedo Corey... I'll never forget the way you swooped in and saved me, before taking me up in your arms and carrying me to the window, (clasps hands together) where under the moonlit sky you pledged to...

Allison COUGHS loudly, and Lisa returns to normal-ish.

**LISA:** Oh, sorry, did I do it again?  
 **JESSICA** (looking up from comic): Yes, and it was pathetic.  
 **LAURA:** Oh, I don't know, I thought it was pretty cute.

Lisa glares at Jessica and Laura.

**ALLISON:** Well, in any case, did he ever turn up again?  
 **LISA** (thoughtful): No, actually. He's never been back... I wonder where he is now...

 

**REALLY MISTY PLACE - NIGHT**  
There is a LOT of mist here, hard to see further than a foot or two. TUXEDO KAMEN stands on the ground, facing what appears to be a large castle - specifically he looks up at a balcony, where there is a teenage girl's silhouette. The girl's identity is hidden, but she has an odd haircut that seems to consist of spaghetti and meatballs.

**GIRL:** **<** Hurry! Hurry, find the Ginzuishou!>

TUXEDO KAMEN takes a step forward, reaching out an arm to her.

**KAMEN:** **<** The Ginzuishou? What is it? Tell me where I can find it! And who are you?>  
 **GIRL:** **<** Bring me the Ginzuishou... everything will be clear, if you have the Ginzuishou... please, bring the Plot Device to me...>

Suddenly another GIRL jumps down from the balcony, and clutches hold of Kamen's entire arm, hanging on to it with her arms and legs. We can clearly see the girl is LISA in a white dress. She doesn't act much like Lisa though...

**LISA** (shrill and annoying): **<** MAAAMMMO-CHAAAAANNNN! I love you MAAAMMMO-CHAAAAANNNN! Please bring me the Ginzuishou, MAAAMMMO-CHAAAANNNN! I want to MARRY you, MAAAMMMO-CHAAAANNNN!>

Kamen just looks at the girl latched on to his arm, stunned for a moment, before he panics and tries to shake her off. She clings on though.

**KAMEN:** **<** Aggh! Help! Help, get it off, get it off, get it off! HELP!>

There is a sudden flash of light and...

**CUT TO:**

**MAMORU CHIBA'S APARTMENT, JUBAAN WARD, TOKYO, JAPAN - NIGHT**  
Closeup view of MAMORU CHIBA'S face as he awakens from his nightmare, screaming. Mamoru is the civilian identity of Tuxedo Kamen.

**MAMORU:** **<** HELLLP!>

He eventually gets a grip of himself.

**MAMORU:** **<** Oh, not that dream again!>

He gets up out of bed, and walks over to his apartment's balcony.

**CUT TO:**

**BALCONY**  
Mamoru leans on the balcony wall, and looks out over Tokyo. In the distance, GODZILLA is half-heartedly attacking, but nobody notices any more.

**MAMORU:** **<** I've had that dream for as long as I can remember... but the second girl has only appeared since I came back from America. Who is that insane Princess? I know that I have seen that face before somewhere... though I also feel that there is a warning about some terrible creature I shall meet in the far future. But where could I have seen her before?>

Camera stays on Mamoru for a while as he watches the giant lizard. He comes to a decision.

**MAMORU:** **<** I guess I'll just have to return to America. Maybe I'll find this Ginzuishou there...>  
 **DOLPHITE** (OS): **<** I can't allow that, Tuxedo Kamen...>

Before Mamoru can even turn around, DOLPHITE runs up behind him and beats him over the head with a mallet. Mamoru crumples to the ground.

**DOLPHITE** (girly giggle): Goodnight, my Prince...

 

**INT: LISA'S ROOM - NIGHT**  
LISA, JESSICA, ALLISON and LAURA are still here.

**LISA:** For the time being however, we'll make do...  
 **JESSICA:** Yeah, I don't see what the problem is anyway. We've been handling these...

LUNA bursts through the door, interrupting Jessica.

**LUNA:** Quick, turn on your TV to Channel 6! There's something about us on!  
 **LISA:** Huh? What is it?

Lisa finds her TV remote and turns a TV on her shelves on.

 

**"EYE ON SPRINGFIELD" TITLE SEQUENCE**  
The familiar title sequence, consisting of KENT BROCKMAN + BIKINI BABES plays.

**CUT TO:**

**EOS STUDIO**  
KENT BROCKMAN is sat behind his desk.

**KENT:** Tonight on Eye On Springfield! We reveal the miracle diet that helped Roseanne Barr lose 20 pounds!

**CUT TO:**

**INTERVIEW**  
ROSEANNE sits on a reinforced chair. She's still ungodly fat.

**ROSEANNE** : Another three years of this and I can fit into a Volvo.

**CUT TO:**

**EOS STUDIO**  
KENT is still here...

**KENT:** And I'll be visiting the set of the (mirth) hilarious and edgy new sitcom, "Sex Sex Sex"

**CUT TO:**

“ **SEX SEX SEX” COFFEE SHOP**  
A group of TWENTYSOMETHINGS, of both the male and female varieties, sit around a table at a coffee shop.

**TWENTYSOMETHINGS** (chorus): Sex sex sex explicit sex sex sex sex sordid sex sex sex sex...

A man sitting on the fringe of the group leans forward.

**MALE TWENTYSOMETHING** (interrupting, whispers): Violence.

All the other twentysomething's recoil in horror.

**CUT TO:**

**EOS NEWSROOM**  
KENT looks impressed.

**KENT:** Whoo, pretty daring. But first, an opinion piece disguised as fact.

**CUT TO:**

**FIRST BANK OF SPRINGFIELD - DAY**  
The bank is closed. Kent walks onscreen, speaking into a microphone.

**KENT:** The First Bank of Springfield, normally Springfield's center of business and first refuge for those seeking a modest loan...  
 **TEEN VOICE** (shout, OS): The interest rates at the Second Bank are lower!

Kent glares off-camera, and points. A security guard in a black suit walks in front of him and off-camera.

**TEEN VOICE** (shout, OS): We also have a much better mortgage... ACK!

The sounds of a painful beating are heard. Kent continues.

**KENT:** But the peaceful sound of money accumulating was ruined earlier today, as the bank was attacked and robbed by the so-called "Pretty Soldier," Sailor Moon.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM**  
Everyone gasps, Lisa especially. Laura, Luna, Jessica and Allison look at Lisa in shock. She looks at them.

**LISA:** What? I didn't do it!

**CUT TO:**

**SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE - DAY**  
Fuzzy camera footage of a tellers booth. A TELLER is behind the glass, serving a CUSTOMER. CREEPY-MOON walks into shot. She looks a bit taller than Lisa, and is mostly seen in shadow and silhouette.

**CREEPY-MOON** : Stop right there! (poses) I am the pretty soldier (pose) of money and crime (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the moon (pose) I'll take everything in the vault! (pose, pose) And don't try anything funny, bulletproof glass can't stop the power of love!

The customer puts his hands up and the teller starts getting money.

**KENT:** Sailor Moon was previously best known as the leader of the secretive "Sailor Soldiers" gang of juvenile vigilantes - a group that up until now has been fighting crime and destroying monsters.

**CUT TO:**

**FIRST BANK OF SPRINGFIELD CONT**

**KENT:** But today's events mark a dramatic turnaround for their intentions. What could drive Sailor Moon to this? I'm here with renowned child psychologist Dr. J. Lauren Pryor. Doctor?

Camera moves back to show DR PRYOR standing next to Kent.

**PRYOR:** Thank you Kent. I must admit it took a while to figure out the answer, but I feel I have found how we can blame videogames for this.  
 **KENT** (annoyed): Videogames again, Doctor? You do realize I used up the last of my material with the last games scare, don't you?  
 **PRYOR:** I'm sorry Kent, but I think my theory will stand on it's own. You see, when children play these games, the aim of the vast majority of games is to single-handedly save the day - one man against an army, one general against a country, one spaceship against an alien fleet, and so on. And in most games, this is possible with either insignificant or no outside help.  
 **KENT:** I see.  
 **PRYOR:** Naturally, this places the idea into the child's mind that THEY can make a difference, and it is for this reason that we have seen this recent rise in juvenile vigilante groups. Of course, the reality is that they are insignificant and have no chance of making a difference in their lifetime - once a child realizes this, their slide into disillusioned anti-socialism begins.  
 **KENT:** That's a rather pessimistic theory, isn't it?  
 **PRYOR:** Well... I had a hard time forming it, my wife left me recently to go stalk Hideo Kojima and steal his shoes.  
 **KENT:** Ah... well, we're getting off the subject here. Tell me Doctor, what can be done to curb the tide of crime?  
 **PRYOR:** Well, I understand that the First Bank is already taking matters into it's own hands - it's lawyers are currently preparing a lawsuit against various game developers. I must also recommend that parents boycott and prevent their children playing game series where you need to save the world, such as Doom, Final Fantasy, Super Mario Brothers and (glowers) Metal Gear. (leans forward into camera, yelling) ESPECIALLY THAT ONE!

**MIX TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM**  
The picture on the TV disappears, and camera moves back to show that Luna has (deliberately) stood on the remote. Lisa is FUMING. Everyone else watches her carefully.

**ALLISON:** Uh, Lisa...  
 **LISA:** How... how DARE they? I'm Sailor Moon, not that imposter!  
 **JESSICA:** Lisa...  
 **LISA:** I was at school all day today, not robbing banks!  
 **LAURA:** Calm down Lisa...  
 **LISA:** We have to transform and go find this imposter! (grabs brooch) MOON PRISM POWE...  
 **LUNA:** Lisa! NO! Stop her!

All 3 girls and Luna pounce on Lisa, tackling her to the ground, and Laura manages to pull Lisa's brooch out of her hands.

**LISA:** What? Why are you stopping me?  
 **LUNA:** Don't get carried away... don't you think this might be a trap to lure you out?

Lisa pauses.

**LISA:** Well, it could be... (hand on forehead) Geez, sorry girls... Yeah, I know, we can't rush into this.

They all get up off of Lisa, and Laura gives Lisa her brooch back.

**LUNA:** Tomorrow is Saturday, so we'll spend the day looking for the imposter.

  


**EXT: CAFÉ IN SPRINGFIELD TENTH STREET SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY**  
LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA and LAURA sit around a table. There is a bag on the table, and LUNA hides inside it so people don't see a talking cat.  
Allison spreads out a map on the table.

**ALLISON:** Okay, here's the plan... We'll split into two groups. Lisa, Luna and myself shall head north from here and ask around. Jessica and Laura head south.  
 **LUNA:** Everyone okay with that? There's bound to be someone in the city center who has some idea, or who has seen the imposter recently.

JESSICA shakes her head.

**JESSICA:** I don't like it. Luna should be in a group of her own.  
 **LISA:** Why? She can't ask people anything, she's a cat.  
 **JESSICA** (wagging finger, smug): Yes, but cats can go many places girls can't.  
 **LISA:** Oh, of course...  
 **LUNA** (impressed): Good idea Jessica. We'll do that. Okay, lets go!

They split up, and head off to ask people.

**CUT TO:**

**STREET**  
Lisa and Allison talk to SKINNER

**SKINNER:** No, I haven't seen Sailor Moon... though I would surely like to. School guidelines stipulate that all extracurricular activities must be approved by a teacher!

**CUT TO:**

**STREET**  
Laura talks to the OWNER of a grocery shop. Jessica edges over to a crate of apples, and slips a few into her pocket. Suddenly, she's lifted up into the air - pull back to show that Laura has grabbed her collar and picked her up. Jessica grins sheepishly. Laura clears her throat. Jessica reaches into her pocket and pulls out the apples, putting them in the crate. Laura clears her throat again. Jessica reaches deeper into her pocket, and pulls out a green purse that she hands to Laura.

**LAURA:** Thank you.  
 **JESSICA:** Can you put me down now?  
 **LAURA:** I'm thinking about it...

**CUT TO:**

**MOE'S TAVERN**  
Luna sits on the bar, talking to a drunk BARNEY.

**LUNA:** So, have you seen Sailor Moon?  
 **BARNEY:** Who me? I don't spend no time amongst sailors.  
 **LUNA:** I'm not asking if you spend time, I'm just asking if you've seen...  
 **BARNEY:** NO! I've not been seeing any sailors, and you can't prove it, no matter what Joel says!  
 **LUNA:** But...  
 **MOE** : Hey, if you wanna interrogate my barflies, you gotta buy something or get out!  
 **LUNA:** Oh? Sorry. I'll have a bowl of milk.

Moe pulls out a shotgun.

**MOE** : That's not the answer I wanted to hear...  
 **LUNA:** Eep!

**CUT TO:**

**STREET**  
Closeup of Lisa and Allison talking to Chief Wiggum.

**LISA:** Excuse me, have you seen Sailor Moon around today?  
 **WIGGUM:** No, but don't worry about that nasty Sailor Moon little girls - the Springfield Tank Police are here to protect you.

The view pulls out a little to show Wiggum is standing in front of a somewhat chunky tank with the name "Bonaparte."

**LISA:** Tank Police? What do you need tanks for?  
 **WIGGUM:** Well, ever since things started getting weird around here, we've needed more firepower. Criminals today are a lot more dangerous.

Camera pulls out again. HANS MOLEMAN is lying under the tank's caterpillar tracks.

**HANS** : Could you let me out from under here now? Your tank is heavy.  
 **WIGGUM:** Not until I read you your rights, jaywalker. Hey Eddie, how we doing on the building front?

EDDIE THE COP sticks his head out of the tank.

**EDDIE** : Much better chief. We only destroyed 3 buildings chasing this guy.  
 **WIGGUM:** Great! We're beating the Lovely Angels' record by a mile!

Whip pan over to MRS KRABAPPEL and MS HOOVER. They are wearing metal bikinis and carry heavy weaponry. Mrs K has a rocket launcher and about a dozen handguns, Ms H has some kind of combo-plasma gun/rail gun.

**MRS K** : Hey! We don't destroy that many buildings, fatty!

As she talks she throws her rocket launcher on the ground in anger. The launcher goes off, and a rocket flies into the sky before hitting the side of an abandoned building. It crumbles into dust.

**MRS K** : Oopsie.

**CUT TO:**

**THE ANDROID'S DUNGEON COMIC BOOK SHOP  
** Laura approaches the counter - the COMIC BOOK GUY is behind it.

**LAURA:** Excuse me, have you seen Sailor Moon?  
 **GUY** : Look, I've told you kids a thousand times. If it's not on the shelves or in a case, I don't have it. And that means that I am sold out of Sailor Moons for the moment. The only thing I have left in the store is that limited edition Sailor V manga signed by Sailor V herself.  
 **LAURA:** No, I didn't mean...

She doesn't finish. Jessica runs into shot and into Laura, knocking her out of shot. Jessica turns to the GUY.

**JESSICA:** Limited edition Sailor V manga signed by Sailor V herself? How much?  
 **GUY** : 60 dollars.  
 **JESSICA:** I'll take it!

Jessica hands over $60 and gets the book. She walks out of shot just as Laura walks back in.

**LAURA:** Where did you get that kind of money... (pats pockets) HEY! Where's my purse?

**CUT TO:**

**DOOR OF OLD LOOKING HOUSE**  
Luna sits on the steps, looking at a sign that reads "TONIGHT! SAILOR SOLDIER NIGHT!"

**LUNA:** Hm, this looks suspicious. I'd better check it out.

She opens the door, and enters.  
A brief pause, then a loud outraged "YEEEEOW!" from Luna. She comes running out of the door, chased by BELLE who is carrying a broom, and several SHOWGIRLS wearing flashy Sailor costumes. It's the Maison Derriere burlesque house! (episode "Bart After Dark") Luna runs to the gate, and turns back to Belle.

**LUNA:** You can look forward to a nice big lawsuit! (turning and walking away, to self) Perverts.

**CUT TO:**

**CAFÉ**  
Lisa and Allison sit at a table, drinking cola and having a rest.

**LISA:** It's no good. There's no sign of her anywhere.  
 **ALLISON:** Don't worry Lisa. Someone's got to know something - it's only 4 PM.  
 **LISA:** Yeah... nothing happens in Springfield without some gossip getting out.

Lisa looks around. There is a platform hanging from a building, as a WINDOW CLEANER (a Generic Teen) is washing the windows. Lisa looks further up the street, and sees the silhouette of CREEPY-MOON walking along the top of a building. Lisa gasps, and grabs Allison's hand.

**LISA:** There she is! (gets up, dragging Allison) Come on!  
 **ALLISON:** Urk!

Close up of Creepy-Moon from behind. She laughs to herself, and draws out a blade, which she throws at the platform, cutting the ropes. The platform falls immediately, and people on the ground gasp as they see the window cleaner fall to the ground.

**CLEANER** : AAAAAAGH!

But at the last moment MOON-LISA and MERC-ALLISON run in underneath him, and catch him in their arms. (Moon catches the body, Mercury gets the legs.) But they're not strong enough to hold him - first their arms shake, then their bodies shake, then their legs shake, then they all fall over.

**MOON-LISA** (getting up): Ow... well, that could have worked better.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Well, we saved him, didn't we?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Yeah.

Moon-Lisa looks up at Creepy Moon, who is laughing to herself. Creepy Moon turns to walk away.

**MOON-LISA** (glare): That maniac! (gets up) Come on Sailor Mercury, we have to catch her!

Moon-Lisa does that big-jump thing that the Sailors are so good at, jumping first to the top of a no-parking sign, then the top of a streetlamp, then to roof level.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Hey! Wait up, Sailor Moon!

Merc-Allison follows, hopping off of the TALLEST MAN IN SPRINGFIELD's head instead of the parking sign.

**CUT TO:**

**ROOFTOP CHASE**  
Creepy Moon runs away, followed about 50 feet behind by Moon Lisa, and Merc Allison about 10 feet behind her. They all make a big jump whenever they come to a street - Creepy Moon almost seems to teleport across, while Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison usually have to make several jumps to streetlamp level and off anything else at hand - billboards and trucks for example.

**MOON-LISA** (shout): Come back here, you impostor!

Merc-Allison takes out her communicator.

**MERC-ALLSION** (to communicator): Luna! Laura, Jessica! We've found the imposter and are in pursuit!  
 **LUNA** (filtered): What? Good work! Where is she headed to, we'll meet you there!

Merc-Allison looks ahead of her. A tall tower make entirely of popsicle sticks rises on the skyline. (episode "Marge VS The Monorail")

**MERC-ALLISON:** Oh, you have got to be kidding me... (to communicator) They're heading for the Popsicle Skyscraper!  
 **LUNA:** Um... alright. We'll be right there!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** You'd better be quick, I don't think Sailor Moon is keeping calm about this impostor very well.

**CUT TO:**

**CLOSEUP OF MOON-LISA**  
It's true, she's (quite justifiably) fuming.

**MOON-LISA:** Come back here, doppelganger!

  


**EXT: POPSICLE TOWER ENTRANCE - DAY**  
The tower is deserted apart from a few lost tourists taking pictures of it. The entire thing is made of giant popsicle sticks, each about 5 feet long and 4 inches wide. It leans over just a little bit in the wind, but it's light and the wind just blows though the many gaps in the walls, so it hasn't fallen yet.

CREEPY MOON runs through the entrance - MOON LISA is about to follow, but...

**MARC-ALLISON** (OS, shout): Sailor Moon! Wait a second!

Moon-Lisa turns and sees MERC-ALLISON running over to her. But Moon-Lisa keeps chasing.

**MOON-LISA** (still angry): No time to stop! We'll catch this imposter if it's the last thing I do...

She crosses the threshold of the tower - as she does so, a solid metal wall appears over the door behind her.

**MOON-LISA** (quiet): ...which it may well be. D'oh!

DOLPHITE'S disembodied laugh is heard.

**DOLPHITE** (OS): If you know what's good for you, come to the top floor, Sailor Moon. We have a hostage you might want to meet.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Oops... looks like I'm alone...

She tests the metal wall behind her, to check it's impassible. (it is)

**MOON-LISA:** Sailor Mercury! Are you okay?

There is no answer. The sound of her voice is being blocked. Moon-Lisa turns to the stairs and starts heading up, jumping up a flight at a time.

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE TOWER**  
Merc-Allison leans against the metal wall.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Sailor Moon! Are you there? Hello? (no answer) Hmm...

She takes a step back from the wall, takes out her computer, and presses the button on her earring that lowers her visor. Then she starts to analyze the wall.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Fascinating...

**CUT TO:**

**POPSICLE TOWER, ROOF**  
The tower roof is a large open area, with large pillars at each corner. The sun is setting now. Moon-Lisa emerges through a trap-door. She looks around, and sees CREEPY MOON standing a few dozen feet away, still in silhouette and shadows.

**MOON-LISA:** It's you! Done running for now?  
 **CREEPY-MOON** : Yes... you've come right into our trap...

Creepy Moon pulls off the wig, revealing her(him)self to be DOLPHITE! Moon-Lisa goes into a completely-shocked pose.

**MOON-LISA:** Ack! How could anyone mistake YOU for ME? (clears throat, composes self) Well... now that the imposter is revealed, (pose) I'm the original and only pretty suited soldier (pose) of love and justice, (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the Moon, (pose) you're dead meat for ruining my reputation! (pose, pose)

Dolphite laughs to himself.

**DOLPHITE:** No way man.

He motions over to his left, and we see an unconscious MAMORU hanging from a cable by his wrists. The cable is attached to one of the pillars that overhangs the roof. Dolphite walks forward a few feet, and places 3 Rainbow gems on the ground. He then heads back to his starting place, so that the gems are midway between him and Moon-Lisa.

**DOLPHITE:** You've got 4 of the Rainbow Gems. We want them all. So leave yours in that pile, and I'll let the hostage go without hurting him. Otherwise... (he draws a finger across his throat) he's dead.

 

**EXT: OUTSIDE POPSICLE TOWER – NIGHT  
** Merc-Allison still stands about analyzing the metal wall. LUNA, MARS-JESSICA and JUP-LAURA run up to her.

**JUP-LAURA:** Mercury? What are you doing here? Where's Sailor Moon?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** She just ran into the tower about 15 minutes ago, and then this wall appeared before I could enter!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Hm...

Jup-Laura walks over to the wall and off-camera to take a look - camera stays where it is.

**MERC-ALLISON** (cont): I've been trying to analyze the metal to find a possible way though, but it's completely unlike any substance known to humanity...

She is interrupted by the sound of cracking wood. Pan over to show Jup-Laura kicking a hole in the brittle popsicle sticks next to the door.

**JUP-LAURA:** Come on, we can get in this way.

She goes through, and Luna follows immediately. Mars-Jessica turns to Merc-Allison.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Didn't you or Sailor Moon think of that? I thought you were meant to be the smart ones in the group.

**MERC-ALLISON** (embarrassed grin, hand goes behind head): I guess nobody's thinking straight. Heh.

**CUT TO:**

**POPSICLE TOWER ROOF**  
Moon-Lisa looks at the pile of gems, than at Dolphite, then at the still-unconscious Mamoru.

**MOON-LISA** (thinking): There's no way I can give them our gems! But... I can't let them kill this guy... he looks kinda familiar as well. Hmm... there's nothing I can do.  
 **MOON-LISA** (spoken): Okay, I'll put them over here... (she walks over, puts down her own Rainbow Gems, and then walks back to her previous place.) Now let him go!  
 **DOLPHITE:** Ha ha... no way, brat!  
 **MOON-LISA:** I knew it!

She immediately dashes forward to get the gems, but KEARNEYITE teleports over them, and stretches out a hand. A bolt of Dark Energy hits the surprised Moon-Lisa, sending her flying back several feet.

**KEARNEYITE:** Stupid girl... aaah...

He stoops down, and picks up the Gems.

**KEARNEYITE:** Dolphite... (walks over and puts an arm around Dolphite's waist) Finally, we've succeeded, my dear. Queen Beryl will be very happy.  
 **DOLPHITE** (looking into his eyes): Yes, and we did it together!  
 **KEARNEYITE:** Yes, we did my love...

They lean together, going in for a kiss... Lisa gasps!

**MOON-LISA:** Woah!

Before they kiss, Kearneyite glares at Moon-Lisa.

**KEARNEYITE:** Do you have a problem with our love?  
 **MOON-LISA** (to Kearneyite): Huh? No, no, I think what you two guys have is wonderful!  
 **KEARNEYITE:** Us two... guys...?

Kearneyite looks closely at Dolphite. He then hops backward and goes into the same shocked pose that Moon-Lisa used earlier.

**KEARNEYITE:** Eyah! Dude, with that hair I thought you were a chick!  
 **DOLPHITE** (ever so slightly devastated): Does this mean you won't be coming with me to the Dark Kingdom victory ball like you said you would? I had a dress picked out and everything...

Kearneyite turns red, and freezes up.

**KEARNEYITE:** Um... excuse me... (cheerily manic) hey! We have intruders at the bottom of the tower! I'll go check them out! You stay here and kill Sailor Moon, Dolphite!

Kearneyite teleports away before Dolphite can respond.

**DOLPHITE:** huh? But, we...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Huh? I wonder what that was about?  
 **DOLPHITE** (glare): You! You ruined my date with Kearneyite! For that I can't forgive you! (pose) I'm the pretty suited General (pose) of backstabbing and bitchiness, (pose) Dolphite! (pose) In the name of the Dark Kingdom, (pose) I'm gonna beat the crap out of you! (pose, pose)  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hey! Take that sailor uniform off and stop copying me!  
 **DOLPHITE:** Take this!

Dolphite's hand glows as he winds up, and throws a bunch of icicles at Moon-Lisa. She jumps out the way.

**MOON-LISA:** Waagh!

**CUT TO:**

**POPSICLE TOWER 76th FLOOR**  
Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Luna arrive on this floor via the stairs. No more steps head up from their stairwell.

**LUNA:** No more steps here... we'll have to find another way up.  
 **MARS-JESSICA** (whining): But why can't we take the elevator Luna?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** This tower is made of popsicle sticks. Ever see a popsicle stick that could make a motor to lift an elevator?  
 **MARS-JESSICA** (sulky): no, but...  
 **LUNA:** Sssh, quiet! Do you want them to find us?

They proceed across the floor, which is a large open room here.

**KEARNEYITE:** Stupid girls - I've already found you.

They all gasp as Kearneyite appears before them, and a black dome forms around all 3 girls and Luna.

**KEARNEYITE:** I've just gone through a painful breakup with my... (annoyed) _girl_ friend so I've decided to go for a long and painful death tonight. This forcefield will get smaller and smaller until you all die.

Jup-Laura pushes against the forcefield, but can't get through. She gives it a kick.

**JUP-LAURA:** It's like solid rock!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** So we're trapped. (gets out computer and starts pressing buttons)  
 **KEARNEYITE:** It's hopeless. My forcefield is impenetrable.  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Yeah, so you say! But I'm sure Sailor Mercury can find a way through! Right, Mercury?  
 **MERC-ALLISON** (still pressing buttons): Um... no, actually. The computer and I have no idea how to get though.  
 **LUNA:** What? So what are you doing?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Getting in one more game of Tetris before I die.  
 **JUP-LAURA:** What? Are you crazy? Get back to work!

**MUSIC** : "Game over theme"

**MERC-ALLISON:** Nuts. Just one more go...

Jup-Laura snatches the computer away from her.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Awww...

**CUT TO:**

**TOWER ROOF**  
A wind is starting to blow, and with it the popsicle tower is swaying slightly. Dolphite has created a sword made of ice and is attacking Moon-Lisa with it, while throwing more of the magic icicles as well - Moon-Lisa doesn't have a good weapon to use against it, so she's forced to run away.

**DOLPHITE:** Come back here, homewrecker!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Not... not fair! I need a weapon too!

She dodges Dolphite's attacks, trying to get far enough away to use her tiara. Suddenly the tower sways erratically, and Moon-Lisa loses her footing.

**MOON-LISA:** Eyah!

She falls down on her back, and Dolphite poses over her, with the sword at Moon-Lisa's throat.

**DOLPHITE:** Ha, you're not so tough! I dunno how all those stupid, stupid youma managed to lose to you!

Moon-Lisa just gulps to herself.

**DOLPHITE:** Get ready to die, Sailor Moon!

He raises the sword - as he does so, a red streak speeds past his face, cutting a gash in it. Show the floorboards - a red rose is embedded in them. Dolphite's cheek has been cut.

**DOLPHITE:** Who...  
 **MAMORU** (OS): Stay away from the girl. Why don't you fight me?

Whip-pan over to MAMORU - he is now conscious and hanging from the rope by one hand. His free hand reaches into the jacket he's wearing, and he draws out another rose. Moon-Lisa's eyes bulge out of LOVE.

**MOON-LISA:** It can't be!

Mamoru drops to the ground, and goes into his transformation sequence - something to do with holding a rose and throwing a hat. Everyone is relieved that it features no naked glowing spinning. He turns into TUXEDO KAMEN! Moon-Lisa runs over to him, stars in her eyes.

**MOON-LISA:** Tuxedo Corey!  
 **KAMEN** (slightly annoyed): It's Tuxedo Kamen! Kamen! It means Mask!  
 **MOON-LISA** (slightly disappointed but still super-happy): Tuxedo Kamen!  
 **KAMEN** (heroic): You're a brave fighter, Sailor Moon, (holds his cane up, steps in front of Moon-Lisa) but a duel should be a fair fight fought with equal weapons! As long as I am awake, untied, unhypnotised and can be bothered I shall protect you!

Dolphite concentrates, and a icicle materializes behind Moon-Lisa and Tuxedo Kamen. It aims at Moon-Lisa.  
 **DOLPHITE** (laugh) You want to die for her? Well, I can allow that...

The icicle shoots toward Moon Lisa's back. Kamen spots it at the last moment and...

**FLASH OF RED**

Moon-Lisa turns in slow motion, and sees Kamen fall to the ground, the icicle in his chest. She's in shock.

**DOLPHITE:** Hmph... I didn't like him anyway. Never liked people who lecture.

**CUT TO:**

**76th FLOOR**  
Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Luna are still stuck in the forcefield. It's considerably smaller now - Jup-Laura has to stoop to avoid banging her head.

**MERC-ALLISON:** BUBBLE SPRAY!

Merc-Allison POSES, TWISTs a little and POSES again as she throws out lots of little bubbles at the forcefield. The water bounces off the forcefield and back at the girls, soaking them.

**JUP-LAURA** (dryly): Well, anyone got any better ideas?  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Let me try! FIRE... SOU...

Before she is finished, Merc-Allison, Jup-Laura and Luna pounce on her.

**MERC-ALLISON:** No!  
 **LUNA:** Do you want to incinerate us?  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Oops... sorry...  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Hm, I guess that means I can't use my power either... I know!

She kneels on the floor and punches 3 times, smashing the popsicle sticks and making a hole.

**JUP-LAURA:** This way!

She drops down the hole, but finds herself landing on the bottom half of the forcefield. A pool of water is here at the bottom of the field - the water Mercury's magic created has drained to here.

**KEARNEYITE:** I know I'm not that smart, but I did put a bottom on my trap!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** D'oh!

The field is getting smaller still. Laura climbs back up to the other's level.

**JUP-LAURA:** We're screwed.

**CUT TO:**

**ROOF LEVEL**  
Moon Lisa runs over to Kamen.

**MOON-LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen!

But he's already unconscious.

**MOON-LISA:** Please wake up, Tuxedo Kamen!

A tear runs down her cheek. It starts to glow brilliantly.

**CUT TO:**

**76th FLOOR**  
Kearneyite stands near the forcefield - it's now only a few feet across, and the 3 girls and a cat in it are huddled together. The water is now up to their waists (they're sitting currently) Jup-Laura is using Mercury's computer.

**LUNA:** This can't be it... this can't be the end...  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Can I get the computer soon Sailor Jupiter? I want that last game of Minesweeper.  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Hang on, I'm having my one last game of Snake...  
 **LUNA** (angry): How can you be taking this so lightly?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** We've tried everything, Luna... we have nothing left, unless Sailor Moon can save us...  
 **KEARNEYITE** (taunting): and she won't - she is dead now, thanks to Dolphite (reaches out a palm - the rainbow gems are on it) You see? We have all her gems! The Dark Kingdom wins! W00t!  
 **MERC-ALLISON** (crying): Then this really must be the end... at least we'll asphyxiate before we're crushed...

But suddenly, the gems lift off from Kearneyite's hand, and fly upward through the cracks in the ceiling!

**KEARNEYITE:** What the? No!  
 **FEMALE VOICE** (OS): CRESCENT BEAM!

A streak of gold flies into Kearneyite, taking him completely by surprise, smashing him through the wall behind him and outside. The forcefield disappears immediately - Jup-Laura, Merc-Allison and Mars-Jessica look around in surprise, while Luna looks directly at the source of the voice.

**MALE VOICE** (OS): Sorry we're so late. It took a long time for us to find the right Springfield.

Show the two figures - one (the male voice) is a cat like Luna, with a yellow Crescent Moon mark on its forehead, and white fur. (ARTEMIS - who is male in spite of his name) The other is a girl of about 14, in an orange-skirted sailor uniform, with a blue bow on the front and a yellow on the back. Her hair is very long (knee length) and blonde, and it has a red bow in it. She wears a large mask that covers her eyes. Mars-Jessica recognizes her.

**MARS-JESSICA:** From my manga... and the news reports! It's Sailor V!  
 **GIRL:** Iya da. (dramatically removing mask) Atashi wa Seeraa Viinasu wa yo!  
 **ARTEMIS** (aside, to Girl): in English, like we practiced...  
 **GIRL** (apologetic): Oh! Gomen ne... (puts mask back on) No. I am not Sailor V... (dramatically removing mask) I am Sailor Venus!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Sailor Venus...  
 **LUNA:** Artemis! I never thought I'd be glad to see you!  
 **ARTEMIS** (happy): Thank you Luna. (realization) Hey...  
 **VENUS** (interrupting, concerned): Seeraamuun, doko no ka?  
 **LUNA** (looking up): If my hunch is correct... the top floor...

**CUT TO:**

**TOP FLOOR**  
Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura, Venus, Luna and Artemis arrive through the trapdoor. They see Moon-Lisa kneeling by Kamen's body.

**LUNA:** Sailor Moon!

The 7 rainbow crystals appear, and hover around Moon-Lisa's head. She watches them, as they come together and form with her tear to make the Ginzuishou!

**LUNA:** It's the Ginzuishou!  
 **ARTEMIS:** Yes, there's our plot device!  
 **DOLPHITE:** The Ginzuishou?

The other sailors can just gasp at it. The Moon Wand spins in mid-air, and the Ginzuishou places itself just at the bottom of the crescent, at the top of the handle.  
Moon-Lisa watches it, and quietly stands and takes the handle of the wand.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Sailor Moon!

Moon-Lisa looks blankly at the wand in her hands for several seconds.

**LUNA** (thinking): Why am I holding my breath?

Eventually Moon-Lisa looks up.

**MOON-LISA:** The Ginzuishou... (glares at Dolphite) You...  
 **DOLPHITE** (panicking): uh... what? What?  
 **MOON-LISA:** You backstabber, you killed Tuxedo Kamen!  
 **DOLPHITE:** Hmph, he's not quite dead yet, can't you tell? I wouldn't kill someone so valuable to our queen...  
 **MOON-LISA:** What? Well, I won't let you have him!

She raises the moon wand over her head.

**DOLPHITE** (cowers): No, don't use it!

Moon-Lisa thrusts the wand out, pointing it straight at Dolphite.

**MOON-LISA:** Take this!

Nothing happens. She gives the wand a shake.

**MOON-LISA:** take... this?

Dolphite laughs to himself.

**DOLPHITE** (smirk): You seem to be having some problems with your attack... are you sure you can use that crystal?

Moon-Lisa shakes the crystal again.

**LUNA:** She can't use it?  
 **DOLPHITE:** Well, this is cool...

Dolphite waves a hand - 3 large shards of ice appear, pointed directly at Moon-Lisa. He advances on her, holding the sword out.

**DOLPHITE:** If you won't be using that crystal, then give it to me. And do it now.

Moon-Lisa instinctively steps back away from him, and manages to get a foot stuck in one of the holes between popsicle sticks. She falls backward onto her butt.

**DOLPHITE:** Even with your friends backing you up, this wouldn't be a fair fight for you.

**MOON-LISA:** A fair fight?

She looks at Kamen's body, and sees his cane.

**MOON-LISA** (thinking): Yes, a fair fight... with equal weapons!  
 **DOLPHITE:** What's the delay! Give me that crystal!

He tries to slash down at her, but Moon-Lisa grabs the cane and blocks his slash.

**DOLPHITE:** huh?

Dolphite shoots his icicles at her.

**LUNA:** Sailor Moon? What are you thinking... QUICK! COVER HER!

The other sailors quickly rattle off their attacks.

**MERC-ALLISON:** BUBBLE SPRAY!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** FIRE SOUL!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** SUPREME THUNDER!  
 **VENUS:** CRESCENT BEAM!

A stream of bubbles breaks one icicle, fire melts the next, electricity melts another, and a crescent hits Dolphite. Moon-Lisa gets up as he reels from the blow, and takes the initiative, attacking Dolphite with the cane. They start swordfighting - Kamen's cane is designed for swordplay, and Moon-Lisa is surprisingly good with it. But she doesn't have as much skill as Dolphite, and is unable to maintain her advantage of surprise. Dolphite ripostes and manages to knock a harried Moon-Lisa back to the edge of the tower.

**DOLPHITE:** This is it! Hand over the Ginzuishou, or you'll regret it!  
 **MOON-LISA:** No!  
 **DOLPHITE:** Then get ready to fly!

He rears back for a moment, before trying to shove Moon-Lisa off the tower.

But she dodges at the last moment...

**DOLPHITE:** No!

Dolphite's own momentum carries him over the edge. He falls backward, and off the wall... and off the tower. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... (thump)

Moon-Lisa looks at the spot where he was standing for a while, and exhausted emotionally and physically, faints.  
All the other sailors and cats run over to her.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Sailor Moon! Are you okay?  
 **MARS-JESSICA** (first to reach her): She's unconscious... I think she's just sleeping.

**KEARNEYITE** (OS): She put a lot of her energy into trying to use that crystal, but can't.

Everyone looks over to see Kearneyite standing by Kamen's body.

**KEARNEYITE:** If there is anything good about losing Dolphite, at least we know that none of the Sailor Soldiers can use the Ginzuishou... we can take it from you when we want. (thoughtful) And I guess there's an extra bonus that nobody else at the Kingdom knew about him being a guy, which gets me off the hook...

**MARS-JESSICA:** What?  
 **JUP-LAURA:** That's horrible! Every time I meet you Dark Kingdom creeps, you get worse and worse.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** How can you be so callous?  
 **KEARNEYITE:** 's easy! (he starts to fade away, as does Tuxedo Kamen's body) Self-promotion and ambition above all else, at all costs!

They disappear.

**LUNA:** He's gone!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** And he's taken the Tuxedo guy with him!  
 **KEARNEYITE** (OS): And one last thing... that crystal would survive a fire and a fall, but you won't.

**CUT TO:**

**LONG SHOT OF THE POPSICLE TOWER**  
Long shot of the entire tower from far away. A fire breaks out in the middle, and rapidly spreads up and down the dry wood.

**CUT TO:**

**ROOF**  
Everyone looks down the side of the tower.

**ARTEMIS:** We're on fire!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** There's no chance of the tower lasting more than a few minutes! We need a fast way down and now!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** A fast way down? Well... a little more fire won't hurt now...

She walks away from the others toward the center of the floor, clasps her hands together with the fingers pointing out, and points directly down.

**MARS-JESSICA:** FIRE... SOUL!

A fireball shoots from her fingertips, and she quickly jumps away as the ball hits the ground beneath her, creating a large hole. Follow the fireball down as it smashes through floor after floor, eventually creating a deep hole in the tower's concrete base. Back to roof level - Merc-Allison looks down.

**MERC-ALLISON:** I think I know what your idea is... BUBBLE SPRAY!

She shoots water down the hole, putting out some fires on the way down and filling the hole at the base.

**LUNA:** Kind of risky, Sailor Mars, but it's our only shot.  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** I'll go down first to check.  
 **JUP-LAURA** (picks up Moon-Lisa and puts her over shoulder): Okay... good luck.

Mars-Jessica jumps down the hole. Show her speeding down the 80 floors and eventually landing in the water at the bottom. She surfaces, and shouts back up.

**MARS-JESSICA:** It's good! The water's fine!

She gets out, and after a moment Jup-Laura falls down, carrying Moon-Lisa. She is followed by Merc-Allison carrying Luna, and Venus carrying Artemis. They all flee the tower.

  


**EXT: HILLTOP ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF SPRINGFIELD**  
All five soldiers and two cats are here - MOON-LISA sits against a tree, still unconscious. She is attended by MERC-ALLISON and MARS-JESSICA, with advice and nagging from LUNA and ARTEMIS. JUP-LAURA and VENUS keep guard.

Moon-Lisa eventually rouses and immediately turns back to LISA.

**LISA:** Uh... where am I?  
 **LUNA:** Don't worry Lisa... we're safe.  
 **ARTEMIS:** The rest of you can turn back.

Merc, Mars, Jup and Venus turn back to civilian clothes. (ALLISON, JESSICA, LAURA and a GIRL)

**LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen! Where is he?  
 **ALLISON:** We don't know.  
 **JESSICA:** After you beat Dolphite, Kearnyite...

Laura hits Jessica lightly on the back of the head.

**LAURA** (continuing from Jessica): ...left. He left.  
 **JESSICA** (whisper to Laura): What was that for?  
 **LAURA** (whisper back): Do you want her to worry to death? We'll tell her about tux-boy later!  
 **ALLISON:** When we checked on Tuxedo Kamen, he was gone. I'm sure he'll be okay.

Lisa seems too tired to worry. She looks at the GIRL.

**LISA:** And who are you? I don't recognize you, sorry...  
 **LAURA:** Yeah, what's your name?  
 **GIRL** (Japanese accent): Ah... my name is Minako Aino, I am 14 years old and I am in the eighth grade. My sign is Libra and my blood type is B. (bow) It is nice to meet you at last, Sailor Senshi. I am Sailor Venus, also called Sailor V.  
 **LISA/ALLISON/JESSICA/LAURA:** Hi.  
 **LISA** (a little depressed): We have the Ginzuishou... Are you the princess, Minako?  
 **MINAKO** (puzzled): I... don't know. I thought one of you might be.

LUNA looks worried.

**LUNA:** This isn't a good sign...

**DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM - NIGHT**  
KEARNYITE kneels in front of BERYL's throne. TUXEDO KAMEN's body lies at the foot of the steps to her throne.

**KEARNEYITE:** Why did you call me back, Queen Beryl? I could have killed them and taken the Ginzuishou.  
 **BERYL:** It was too risky... and with Dolphite gone, we need Prince Endymion here...

She stands, and walks over to Kamen's body.

**BERYL:** Do you remember me, Endymion? The queen you betrayed to side with the Moon Kingdom?

She touches his face. He seems to be having a nightmare.

**BERYL:** Soon, the Dark Kingdom and I shall be all you remember.

 


	6. A Rude Awakening! The Ghosts of the Moon appear

**INT: LISA'S ROOM - DAY**  
LISA is sleeping in her bed. Closeup of her face - she tosses and turns, mumbling in her sleep.

**LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen... sorry...  
 **MARGE** (OS): Are you awake Lisa? Did you say something?

Lisa's eyes open.

**LISA** (tired): Huh? Oh... hi Mom?  
 **MARGE:** Oh, sorry Lisa, did I wake you? You were talking...  
 **LISA** (sigh): No, it's okay Mom...

Marge puts a hand to Lisa's forehead.

**MARGE:** It's strange, you don't have a fever. I wonder what could have made you ill like this.

**LISA** (voiceover): It took me a few days or so to recover from trying to use the Ginzuishou. I stayed in bed most of the time - too much time to think about that Saturday's events.

 

A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

**"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 6 : A rude awakening! The ghosts of the Moon appear...

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM - LATER**  
Lisa is still in bed, but she's sitting up. She talks to LUNA, but they are muted. Lisa is a little upset.

**LISA** (voiceover): Luna told me what really happened to Tuxedo Kamen... she said I wasn't to blame, but... I feel like I am.

**LUNA** (onscreen): Don't worry Lisa, once we find the Princess, and we will soon, we'll be able to get him back. Now we have the Ginzuishou - the Princess can't be far behind.

**LISA** (voiceover): Of course, everyone tried their best to cheer me up.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM - LATER**  
Lisa's still in bed, Luna sitting on her bedside table. Her door opens and JESSICA, ALLISON, LAURA, MINAKO and ARTEMIS run in. Jessica and Allison head to either side of her bed, Laura comes to the bed at Jessica's side, and Minako hangs back a little on Allison's side.

**ALLISON:** I told Ms Hoover that you weren't well, Lisa... she gave me your homework, and I took extra notes on what we did today for you. (hands Lisa a sheaf of paper) You know we can't take second grade too lightly!  
 **LAURA:** We microwaved some cakes in Home Ec. today... here, you can have the ones I made. (gives Lisa a box of cakes)  
 **JESSICA** (slightly reluctant): Here, I thought you might need something to keep you occupied, so you can borrow my limited edition Sailor V manga signed by Sailor V herself. (hands it over) But DON'T get any crumbs on it, spill anything on it, fold the pages or wreck the spine, okay?  
 **LISA:** Okay, okay! Thank you Jessica!

She opens the manga at the first (last) page, and looks at the speech-bubbles. They're in Japanese script!

**LISA:** Oh, this is in Japanese! I can't read it.  
 **JESSICA** (sad): I know... I've just looked at the pictures.  
 **MINAKO:** If you want, I could translate and read what it says to you.  
 **LISA:** Would you? That would be great, Minako.  
 **MINAKO** (flattered): It's no problem, Lisa-chan.

Minako takes the manga from Lisa, and looks at the signature on the front page.

**MINAKO:** That's funny... I don't remember signing any manga. I wonder who did this?  
 **JESSICA:** What? I paid 60 dollars...  
 **LAURA** (interrupting): Of my money!  
 **JESSICA** (cont): ... of her money for that manga! If I find out who forged that signature, I'll punish them in the name of collectors everywhere!

In the background, a sweatdrop appears over Artemis' head, and he cowers slightly.

**LISA** (voiceover) **:** Minako had her first day of school in the USA that day...

**CUT TO:**

**EIGHTH GRADE CLASSROOM, EARLIER**  
Minako stands in front of a CLASS. She wears a Tokyo school-uniform top with a pair of jeans. Laura sits among the class, shifting about in her seat and trying to wave at Minako.

**TEACHER** : Well, we have a new student joining us today... (looks closely at slip of paper) Aino Minako, an exchange student from Japan. Everyone say hello...  
 **CLASS** (bored): Hello Aino...  
 **MINAKO** (perturbed): ah... anou...  
 **TEACHER** : Please take a seat, Ms Minako, I need to get started.

He walks over to the board and starts writing.

**MINAKO:** But my name is different...

The teacher ignores her.

**MINAKO** (under breath): Kono senko wa baka yo...

She stomps over to a desk next to Laura.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM AGAIN**  
Minako sits down at Lisa's bed, and opens the manga. She scans the first few pages.

**MINAKO** (angry): Hey! In this manga, Sailor V acts like a ditz! (stands up) How could anyone dare to publish this slander of me? If I ever find who wrote this, I'll punish him in the name of Venus!

In the background, another sweatdrop appears over Artemis' head, and he quietly slinks away.  
Lisa opens the cake box.

**MINAKO:** And what's worse is... (sees cakes) oooh. Can I have one of your cakes please Lisa-chan?  
 **LISA:** Uh, sure.  
 **MINAKO:** Great! (eats cake) What were we talking about again?

Everyone groans.

**LUNA** (groaning): Sometimes comics can be too much like real life...

 

**KWIK-E-MART – NIGHT**  
Same shot as before, from behind Apu's counter. Luna enters and runs straight for the Cat Fight machine.

**CUT TO:**

**CAT-FIGHT MACHINE**  
She jumps up to the controls, and quickly hammers in the code.

**CONTROL** (male, filtered): Password accepted. Welcome, Luna. Whaaassup?  
 **LUNA** (worried): We're in big trouble. All five soldiers are here and we have the Ginzuishou, but the princess still hasn't turned up! I was so sure she'd be among the Sailor Soldiers too!  
 **CONTROL:** Okay, Luna. First things first, don't panic.  
 **LUNA** (screams): I'M NOT PANICING!

Sudden silence. Everyone in the shop turns to look at Luna. Someone drops a shopping basket. Luna grins, embarrassed.

**LUNA:** Meow?

The shoppers shrug their shoulders and go back to their business.

**LUNA:** Phew, that was close.  
 **CONTROL:** You're telling me. That blonde woman almost broke her eggs.  
 **LUNA:** She did? Oh... hey. (quietly to self) This communication is voice only. How did he know about her?

Luna looks around the store, and spots a passport photo booth with the curtain drawn, but no feet sticking out the bottom.

**LUNA:** hm?

She jumps down from the game machine, and starts walking over to it.

**CONTROL:** Uh, where are you going Luna? (she continues) Uh, pay no attention to the cat behind the curtain!

Luna bites the hem of the curtain, and pulls it open. ARTEMIS sits on the stool, wearing a radio headset.

**ARTEMIS:** uh oh... D'oh!  
 **LUNA:** Artemis? You're central control?  
 **ARTEMIS:** Uh, sorta...  
 **LUNA:** I've been taking orders from YOU all this time?  
 **ARTEMIS:** Uh, kinda...  
 **LUNA:** What about that $500 Control said it was my "duty" to send to Puerto Rico?  
 **ARTEMIS:** Minako-chan and I got on the wrong plane, we really needed the air-fare, honest!  
 **LUNA** (angry): Artemis...!  
 **ARTEMIS:** Yeek!

Luna pounces at Artemis. Pan away from the fight.

**ARTEMIS:** Agh, help!

The shoppers ignore him. Cats can't talk, after all.

**LISA** (voiceover): Naturally this meant Control was no use any more... Artemis had no more idea where the Princess was than we did. All we could do was hope she'd turn up. But from that point on the Dark Kingdom was coming after us personally, trying to get the Ginzuishou from us.

 

**SPRINGFIELD MAIN STREET – DAY**  
A youma is running riot here. It appears to be Hairdresser based, it's most notable feature being the gigantic electric shaver that's attached to it's left arm. It runs about gleefully trying to attack citizens.  
LISA, MINAKO, ALLISON, JESSICA, LAURA, LUNA and ARTEMIS hide behind a ruined wall.

**LISA:** We have to get out and do something!  
 **LUNA:** She's right. Everyone, transform now!  
 **MINAKO:** Alright! (holds pen) VENUS POWER, MAKE UP!

**CUT TO:**

**VENUS TRANSFORMATION SCENE**  
The background is a black and gold starfield. We get a close-up of Minako's hand holding the pen, before the Venus symbol on the top of the pen starts to spin and flies toward the screen.  
Shots of Minako - spinning, glowing and naked. She SPINS and WAVES the pen around her - the top of the pen leaves a trail of stars where it goes. She then POSES, holding the pen over her head. A ribbon of stars twirls down around her, becoming a pool of gold light at her feet. The pool then explodes into a shower of stars that obscures her completely.  
Now she's dressed as VENUS. Camera moves up from her feet to her head as she SPINS. Brief close-up of her face before pulling back to show all of her. POSE.

(note : for consistency's sake and to aid the Simpsons fans, she'll be referred to as VENUS-MINAKO from now on.)

**CUT TO:**

**BEHIND THE RUBBLE**  
VENUS-MINAKO is still posing. Lisa, Allison, Jessica and Laura are gaping at her. She sees the look on their faces.

**VENUS-MINAKO:** What? What's wrong with you? All I did was henshin...  
 **LISA:** It's n'nothing... um... okay, lets do it! MOON PRISM POWER!  
 **ALLISON:** MERCURY POWER!  
 **JESSICA:** MARS POWER!  
 **LAURA:** JUPITER POWER!  
 **LISA/ALLISON/JESSICA/LAURA:** MAKE UP!

They go though their respective transformation sequences. (swish-swish-swish/water/fire/electrocuted) Now it's Venus-Minako's jaw's turn to drop. She looks down at herself, and clenches her fists.

**VENUS-MINAKO** (enraged): ARTEMIS!

Show Luna, who looks at where Artemis had been sitting. He's already gone, with just a few strands of fur left floating to the ground.

**LUNA:** Wow. He's getting faster.

**CUT TO:**

**THE STREET**  
MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA, JUP-LAURA and VENUS-MINAKO jump into the middle of the road, right in the youma's path. Moon-Lisa looks thoughtful for a moment, and scratches her head.

**MOON-LISA:** Now, what was it... hm... (to youma) Youma! Aii to seiki no! Seira fuuku no biishoojou sennji...Seiramyuun! Suki ni...ni...ni neimu...ochi ooki o!! (turns to Venus) How was that, Sailor Venus?  
 **VENUS-MINAKO** (kind): Ah, it could use a little bit more practice...

**CUT TO:**

**THE WALL**  
Artemis and Luna watch the scene.

**ARTEMIS:** And I thought teaching English to Japanese kids was hard...

**CUT TO:**

**THE STREET**  
All the soldiers except Moon-Lisa use their attacks simultaneously.

**MERC-ALLISON:** BUBBLE SPRAY!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** FIRE SOUL!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** SUPREME THUNDER!  
 **VENUS-MINAKO:** CRESCENT BEAM!

The youma is zapped from 4 directions. It stands there, stunned.

**YOUMA** : Not fair... it was only supposed to be Moon and Venus in this episode...  
 **MOON-LISA:** Hey, stop using meta-references! Those fourth walls are expensive!

**CUT TO:**

**REPETITIVE MOON WAND ATTACK**  
Closeup of Moon-Lisa's hand - she spins the Moon Wand in it, and then lowers it to POSE with it in front of her face. Then she sticks out the wand, and SPIN SPIN SPIN WAVE WAVE WAVE POSE.

**MOON-LISA:** MOON HEALING ESCALATION!

**CUT TO:**

**STREET**  
The youma sticks it's arms and legs out in an X shape and glows brightly for a few seconds.

**YOUMA** : Refresh!

**LISA** (voiceover): Things continued in this very silly manner for a while...

 

**EIGHTH GRADE CLASSROOM – DAY**  
Class is in session. LAURA and MINAKO sit next to each other. All of the CLASS look up as the PRINCIPAL'S VOICE comes over the PA system.

**PRINCIPAL** (OS): I have a small announcement to make... students are not to leave the school grounds for the time being, a blue skinned woman wearing oysters is turning people into wax statues. Thank you.

Laura and Minako lean toward each other across the aisle.

**LAURA:** This sounds like a job for the Sailor Soldiers!  
 **MINAKO:** Yes, it does!

They nod at each other, and sneak out of class.

**CUT TO:**

**SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY**  
Class is in session. LISA and ALLISON sit next to each other. All of the CLASS look up as PRINCIPAL SKINNER'S VOICE comes over the PA system.

**SKINNER** (OS): I have a small announcement to make... students are not to leave the school grounds for the time being, a monster has possessed my mother and turned her into a murderous wrinkle-demon that is stealing youth.  
 **MS HOOVER:** Sounds like an improvement.

Lisa and Allison lean toward each other across the aisle between the desks.

**LISA:** This sounds like a job for the Sailor Soldiers!  
 **ALLISON:** Yes, it does!  
 **SKINNER** (OS): Dang right it is! Mommy!

Lisa and Allison nod at each other, and sneak out of class.

**CUT TO:**

**FOURTH GRADE CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY**  
Class is in session, the usual suspects are here. All of the CLASS look up as PRINCIPAL SKINNER'S VOICE comes over the PA system.

**SKINNER** (OS): I have a small announcement to make... students are not to leave the school grounds for the time being, a 50-story high bio-mechanical monster is besieging the city.  
 **JESSICA** (to self): This sounds like a job for the Sailor Sold... oh wait, it's not. (turns to MILHOUSE) This is one of your ones.  
 **MILHOUSE:** What? Aw nuts... but I hate Eva's, fighting, NERVOUS, my dad, bitch bitch bitch whine whine whine...  
 **KRABAPPEL** : Just nod and sneak out already Milhouse!

**LISA** (voiceover): And so it continued until one fateful day...

 

**EXT: STREET - DAY**  
It's early morning, still a little dark. MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA, JUP-LAURA, VENUS-MINAKO, LUNA and ARTEMIS walk down the street. Merc-Allison has her visor down and is working on her computer.

**MARS-JESSICA:** So where is this portal to the Dark Kingdom meant to be?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** I'm trying to track it right now...

She presses a few buttons, and the computer makes a loud BEEPING sound. Merc-Allison points down the street.

**MERC-ALLISON:** That way!

**CUT TO:**

**KWIK-E-MART CAR PARK**  
APU comes out of the back door carrying a sack of garbage, and chucks it in the dumpster. There is a flash of black light and a spooky wail. He doesn't look that fazed.

**APU:** Hm, it is strange, but the dumpster is usually full by Wednesday. Oh well. If I may save on garbage removal, then I am not going to complain.

He heads back inside. Pan over to see the girls watching from around a corner.

**MOON-LISA:** You have got to be kidding me.

They walk over and peer into the dumpster. A CGI-EFFECT (portal to the Dark Kingdom) is inside.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Okay, I am not getting in there.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Why not?  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Because it's a dumpster, of course!  
 **LUNA:** Oh don't be such a baby, Sailor Mars. There's no trash in there, just a mysterious portal to terra incognita.  
 **VENUS-MINAKO:** Yes, have a little more bravery!

She climbs into the dumpster. There is a flash of black light and a spooky wail.

**MARS-JESSICA:** I don't care. I'm not going in.  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Oh yes you are! (picks up Mars-Jessica)  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Hey!

Jup-Laura throws her into the dumpster.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Waagh!

 

**UNDERGROUND CAVERN - NIGHT**  
There is a flash of light near the ceiling, and Mars-Jessica appears, falling to the ground.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Ow... those jerks... (getting up) I wonder where Sailor Venus is...

She looks up. A large pile of BLACK TRASH BAGS marked "Kwik-E-Mart" is next to her. After a moment Venus-Minako pops her head out of the pile. She has a banana peel on her head and looks annoyed. There are another 5 flashes, and Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison, Jup-Laura, Luna and Artemis fall onto the trash pile. They stick their heads out, covered in trash. Mars-Jessica gapes at the scene for a moment, and then starts rolling around on the floor laughing.

**MARS-JESSICA:** HA HA HA HA HA, HA HA HA HA HA, HAHA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA! Serves you right!

As she laughs, the others climb out of the trash. Jup-Laura takes Mars' hand and gives her a small electric shock.

**JUP-LAURA:** Hey, it's not funny, okay!

**CUT TO:**

**PASSAGEWAY**  
Everyone walks along, following Merc-Allison and her computer.

**MERC-ALLISON:** The Dark Kingdom's base is along here somewhere...

They start to run. The tunnel eventually rises to the surface, revealing...

**CUT TO:**

**TUNNEL ENTRANCE AT SNOWFIELD**  
A vast snowfield, in the middle of a blizzard. A plume of black smoke is visible in the distance.

**JUP-LAURA** (rubbing arms): Woah! It's cold!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Where are we, Mercury?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** According to my computer's GPS, we're somewhere in the arctic circle!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Then... that smoke must be coming from the Dark Kingdom's lair!  
 **KEARNEYITE** (OS): That's right, Sailor Moon.

KEARNEYITE teleports in front of the group.

**KEARNEYITE:** Took you girls long enough, didn't it? I would like to take you to the Dark Kingdom now, but the stupid builders we hired are running over time and over budget. So I'll just stop you here instead.  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Like hell you will! SUPREME THUNDER!

Jup-Laura shoots a stream of electricity at Kearneyite, but he just teleports out of the way.

**JUP-LAURA:** Huh, I can't hit him!  
 **KEARNEYITE:** I'll give you a chance, kids. Sailor Moon! Give me the Ginzuishou now and I'll not need to swirlie you!  
 **MOON-LISA:** You must be kidding! After all the problems and weirdness I've had over the past few months, there's no way I'm giving up now! Tell me what you've done with Tuxedo Kamen!

**KEARNEYITE:** He's safe, now. But you... since you won't help, I will throw you into the Dimension of Random Time!

The sailors and cats look confused.

**VENUS-MINAKO:** The Dimension of Random Time?  
 **KEARNEYITE** (dramatic): You will be sent flying uncontrollably though time... you could end up Africa during the time of the dinosaurs, or stranded in France in 1940, or trapped on the Isle of Orkney at any point in time, they're all equally dull!

The sailors and cats looks confused again.

**MOON-LISA:** But that's a terrible idea for you! Think of all the good we could do if we went back in time!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** We could warn the Chernobyl safety supervisors!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** We could lie in wait at the Grassy Knoll for anyone with a rifle!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** We could warn Sega about the Saturn!  
 **ARTEMIS:** We could sit under Bill Gates' chair and make farting noises while he brokers his first deal with IBM!  
 **LUNA** (resigned): Somehow I suspect you would do that Artemis...  
 **KEARNEYITE:** Stop using logic! Get out of here!

He puts his hands together and throws a huge mass of energy at the girls. Venus-Minako and Jup-Laura try to shield the younger ones, but they all get caught up and dragged in. Moon-Lisa drops the moon wand. (which has the Ginzuishou attached) Kearneyite tries to grab it, but the wand spins by itself and smacks its handle against the back of his hand. The wand follows the girls into the Dimension of Random Time.

**CUT TO:**

**WEIRDO SPACE**  
You know the drill. Clocks, pendulums, E=MC2, other weird stuff. The 5 soldiers and 2 cats fall through this weirdo wonderland. Screen fades to white as they fall into regular time.

**CUT TO:**

**LAB - THE FAR FUTURE**  
Everyone lies on a round platform surrounded by a glass wall. We can also see the legs of a table. Moon-Lisa stirs.

**MOON-LISA:** Great... where are we?

She stands, and comes face to face with GOKU, a constipated looking man with black hair. Or rather, it's Goku's head in a glass jar full of liquid, on the table.

**MOON-LISA:** Aaaagh! What the heck are you?  
 **GOKU'S HEAD** : I'm Goku, a Super-duper Saiyin and great warrior!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Warrior? But you're just a head in a jar!  
 **GOKU'S HEAD** : Hey, I can still kick anyone's ass, even though I don't have any legs. It's a shame I don't have much of a brain, that and my jaws are all I have left.

Pan over to a nearby console, where FRY, LEELA and PROF FARNSWORTH stand facing away from the girls.

**PROF** : Okay, now to try this time machine out. How about we send Goku here to the moon a few thousand years ago?  
 **FRY** : We'll finally be rid of him.  
 **LEELA** : Sounds good to me.

Fry turns, and sees the sailors.

**FRY** : Hey Professor, should there be little girls in the test area?  
 **PROF** : No, and since they shouldn't be there that means they can't be there. Stop hallucinating Fry.

He hits the button. The soldiers, cats and Goku's head disappear. Prof turns and looks at the test area.

**PROF** : There's nothing there now which means there never were any girls. Report to Zoidberg for brain medicine Fry.

  


**EXT: THE MOON IN THE DISTANT PAST - NIGHT**  
On the outskirts of a ruined city. Fallen pillars, arches and rubble are everywhere. Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura, Venus-Minako, Luna, Artemis and Goku's head appear on a raised platform. The Moon Wand lands next to Moon-Lisa.  
Everyone gets up.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Now where are we?  
 **MOON-LISA:** It seems familiar...  
 **LUNA:** Oh my... we're on the moon! This is the site of the old Moon Kingdom, the Silver Millennium!  
 **ARTEMIS** (awed): I never thought I would see it again...

Artemis and Luna wander away, looking around. The soldiers follow them, a little awed. Goku watches them go as they leave him where he is.

**GOKU** : Hey, could someone pick me up and bring me along? Hey! (shout) Hello! Don't ignore me you jerks! Come back! Okay, that does it, I'm going Super-Saiyin! You'll regret this!

Goku's hair turns yellow. Nothing else happens.

**GOKU** : Aw crap. (calls) Hello? Anyone out there? Little help?

**CUT TO:**

**RUINED FLOWER FIELD**  
A wide field in front of the main palace flanked with pillars, now a barren wasteland. The soldiers and cats walk thought it on the way to the palace.

**MOON-LISA:** Luna, what happened here?  
 **LUNA:** It's a long and painful story, Sailor Moon... you see...

Suddenly the Ginzuishou shines brightly, and the palace appears to rebuild itself. The field fills itself with flowers under their feet. Daylight breaks, brightly lighting the whole scene.

**MARS-JESSICA:** What the...

The palace is clearly seen. It has a very Russian design to it, with lots of domes and so on.

**LUNA:** The palace...

Artemis flips out.

**ARTEMIS:** THE PRINCESS!  
 **MOON-LISA:** What? Where?

**CUT TO:**

**THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FIELD**  
A ghostly image is walking among the flowers some distance away. It is a girl of about 14, wearing a long and fancy white dress. She has an unusual hairstyle - a ball of hair on either side of her head, and a long ponytail coming down from each ball. She also has a crescent-moon mark on her forehead similar to Luna's. It's clearly the first girl from Mamoru's dream. She stoops, and picks a flower.

**CUT TO:**

**LUNA'S SIDE**  
Luna looks at her in shock, she hasn't seen this girl in centuries.

**LUNA:** PRINCESS SERENITY!

Luna starts running over to Serenity.

**CUT TO:**

**SERENITY'S SIDE OF THE FIELD**  
Serenity looks at the flower she's just picked. Another ghostly figure, a man in light armor with a sword at his waist approaches her, his back to the camera. She looks up him with a smile, and then both the ghosts disappear just as Luna gets there.

**LUNA** (distraught): PRINCESS SERENITY!

The rest of the girls and Artemis catch up with Luna.

**MOON-LISA:** What was that about?  
 **LUNA:** That was Princess Serenity... the girl we've been looking for!  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** My computer says she was just an illusion.

The Ginzuishou flashes again and night falls. Lights come on in the palace, reflecting off of the huge lake in front of it. Fireworks start to go off in the sky above the palace.

**ARTEMIS:** It seems the Ginzuishou wants to tell the story... come on.

He turns to the castle, and they all set off towards it.

**CUT TO:**

**PALACE BALLROOM**  
There are dozens of ghostly figures in here, dancing in a waltz. All the men are dressed in tuxedos and wear masks like Tuxedo Kamen's, all the women wear dresses similar to Serenity's. The soldiers and cats silently pass though the hall, subconsciously splitting into two groups. Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison follow Luna up the main staircase. Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Venus-Minako follow Artemis into a passageway on this level.

**LUNA** (voiceover): They were a race of immortal beings who were born on the Moon...  
 **ARTEMIS** (voiceover): Their purpose was to protect the earth, and help it evolve. They were also the protectors of the Silver Plot Device.

**CUT TO:**

**CORRIDOR**  
Artemis leads his group along as they explore the palace. Suddenly Mars-Jessica gasps, and points along the corridor.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Look!

Two ghostly figures are approaching them - SAILOR GHOST-MARS and SAILOR GHOST-JUPITER. Ghost-Mars resembles Mars-Jessica but is about 14. Ghost-Jupiter resembles Jup-Laura and is the same age, but has slightly different facial features. They walk toward the group, speaking soundlessly, and walk straight past them before disappearing.

**MARS-JESSICA:** Who the heck was that, and why was she dressed as Sailor Mars? I'M Sailor Mars!  
 **ARTEMIS:** They're your past selves - the princesses of Mars and Jupiter, and bodyguards of Serenity. Don't they bring back any memories?  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Not really. Should they?

Artemis frowns, slightly worried. They continue down the corridor. As they pass an archway heading outside, they look outside and everyone gasps again.

**ARTEMIS:** Of course! Her!

**CUT TO:**

**UPPER LEVEL CORRIDOR**  
Luna leads her group along.

**LUNA:** Are you sure you have not seen a girl who looks like Serenity before?  
 **MOON-LISA:** I'm sure. That's a hairstyle I would remember.  
 **LUNA:** Hm. It's just worrying... (stops walking, depressed) we really should have her by now.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Don't worry about that Luna. I'm sure we'll find her very soon.

As they talk, another ghostly figure passes by them. It's SAILOR GHOST-MERCURY. She looks very little like Allison - she has short blue hair, and is also about 14. Ghost-Mercury heads further along the corridor, and turns left into a room.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Who on earth was that? Why was she dressed like me?  
 **LUNA:** That was the Silver Millennium's Sailor Mercury, your past self.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** My past self? But she doesn't look anything like me!

Merc-Allison runs to the door that Ghost-Mercury entered. She freezes as she sees what's inside.

**MERC-ALLISON:** Lisa?!?  
 **MOON-LISA:** Huh?

Moon-Lisa and Luna run up to the door and look inside.

**LUNA:** Of course! Her!

**CUT TO:**

**VIEW INTO THE ROOM**  
The room is a library. There is an old wooden table, and a GIRL of about 8 years sits at it, reading a thick book. She wears the same kind of dress as Serenity, and looks REMARKABLY like Lisa. Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison and Luna stare at the scene.

**MOON-LISA:** It's... it's me!

Ghost-Mercury appears. She sits down at the table across from the Lisa-ish ghost.

**GHOST-MERCURY** : How are you doing, Princess Leitha?  
 **LEITHA:** I finished the assignment.

She hands a piece of paper to Ghost-Mercury, who reads it.

**GHOST-MERCURY** : Very good, I'm impressed. You nearly got it all right.

Ghost Mercury fades away, and Leitha resumes her reading.

**LUNA:** I had forgotten about this girl... Princess Leitha...  
 **MOON-LISA** (confused): I can remember something... but it's unclear... Luna, what is this?  
 **LUNA:** Long ago, before the Dark Kingdom, an evil force attacked the Moon Kingdom, and there was a war. But in the end it was stopped not by a Sailor Soldier or an army, but by a common man and his wife who sacrificed themselves for the kingdom. They were hailed as heroes...

Dream-blur out.

**CUT TO:**

**MOON KINGDOM THRONE ROOM - FLASHBACK**  
QUEEN SERENITY sits on the throne. She looks just like Princess Serenity but older, and she has white hair in the same style.  
The throne room is packed with people, but they leave a narrow path from the door to the throne.

**LUNA:** But when they died, they left behind a problem...

The double doors at the end of the room open, and a General enters. He leads a small girl along beside him - it's a super-cute TODDLER LEITHA. She looks a little scared and apprehensive, and clutches a teddy bear.

**LUNA** (cont): their now orphaned daughter, Leitha.

Leitha is lead up to the throne, and made to stand before the Queen. The Queen gets up from her throne and picks up the girl, hugging her.

**LUNA** (cont): To honor Leitha's parents, Queen Serenity adopted Leitha, and gave her a portion of her power.

The Queen passes the palm of her hand over Leitha's forehead. A crescent-moon mark appears on it. The crowd cheers, and Leitha looks around, smiling though she's not sure what's happened.

 

**CASTLE COURTYARD – NIGHT  
** The shot shows a large grass courtyard. Artemis, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Venus-Minako stand at the far end, in the background.

**ARTEMIS** (continuing from Luna): Leitha would be allowed to be a Sailor Soldier.

A ghostly Princess Leitha and ghostly SAILOR VENUS step into the foreground, on the grass. Unlike the others, this Ghost-Venus is completely identical to Venus-Minako. Leitha is 8 again, and wears a "trainee" Sailor Soldier uniform, that is all white but has no bows or scarf. They both have swords - they salute each other with them, and then start to practice. Ghost-Venus seems to be taking it lightly, almost humoring Leitha, but Leitha is taking it very seriously and trying hard.

**VENUS-MINAKO** \- I... I remember this now. Leitha was always so enthusiastic and tried very hard to be a good Sailor Soldier - when she discovered that we were allowed to use swords, she begged me to show her how. (giggle) Which is strange, because I don't think I know how to swordfight!  
 **JUP-LAURA** (watching fight): You could have fooled me.  
 **ARTEMIS:** I suppose you must have forgotten, Venus. Anyway, the new Princess proved to be extremely intelligent, devoted and a fast learner... but since she was really a commoner, she had a bad grasp of magic. That'll be why Sailor Moon can't use the Ginzuishou, maybe.

**CUT TO:**

**BALCONY**  
Luna, Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison come out of a passageway, onto a long balcony overlooking the gardens. A ghostly Princess Serenity is here. She looks up at the Earth in the sky longingly.

**LUNA** (gasp): Princess Serenity!  
 **VOICE** (male, OS): Princess Serenity!

Serenity looks down over the balcony. A ghostly PRINCE ENDYMION of Earth stands on a path in the gardens. He is the armored man who approached Serenity in the field of flowers, and he looks a lot like Mamoru.

**SERENITY:** Prince Endymion!  
 **MOON-LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen!  
 **ENDYMION** (to Serenity): I'm sorry I am late for the masquerade ball...  
 **SERENITY:** Yes, I missed you...  
 **ENDYMION:** Unfortunately, a major problem has come up. Beryl has possessed many people from my planet - she is taking advantage of their lust for your immortality, and she will use them to attack the Moon soon...

He climbs up to the balcony, and stands beside Serenity.

**ENDYMION:** Beryl is using the power of a creature called Metallica - she will use this power to attack very soon. If we do not act the Moon will be destroyed - we must crush Beryl's ambition as soon as possible. I need your help, Princess Serenity.  
 **SERENITY:** I see... (to self, lovestruck) Wow, it's all so hard boiled and romantic!  
 **ENDYMION:** Do you believe me?  
 **SERENITY** (lovestruck): Of, of course I do. Prince Endymion...  
 **ENDYMION:** Princess Serenity...

They get closer to each other, and kiss. Moon-Lisa almost turns green, and glares at Serenity.

**MERC-ALLISON** (sly): Are you jealous?  
 **MOON-LISA** (annoyed): Huh? No, not at all!  
 **MERC-ALLISON** (sly): You are jealous!  
 **MOON-LISA** (annoyed): Hey! I told you I'm not!

The Ginzuishou glows again. The ghosts of Serenity and Endymion fade away. Camera pans up to show a tower.

**CUT TO:**

**INSIDE THE TOWER**  
Artemis, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Venus-Minako have gathered in a room. Two ghosts are here - Princess Leitha, and PRINCESS ALYSSA. Alyssa wears a similar white dress to Leitha's, and has long brown hair down past her shoulders...

**MARS-JESSICA:** Now who's this? She looks a lot like Allison.  
 **ARTEMIS:** I think she's Princess Alyssa, from Mercury. She was Sailor Mercury's little sister, if I remember correctly.

The door opens behind them, and the ghost of PRINCESS JACINTHA is pushed though by Ghost-Mars. Surprise! She looks just like Jessica.

**GHOST-MARS** : Now Jacintha, play nice with the girls while we go to the masquerade ball, okay?  
 **JACINTHA:** But sis... do I have to? I want to come to the ball too!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** It's me!  
 **GHOST-MARS** : We already told you, you're too young. Now have fun with Leitha and Alyssa until mother comes to get you.

Ghost-Mars closes the door behind her, and Jacintha glares at Leitha and Alyssa.

**LEITHA:** Hi Jacintha.

Jacintha folder her arms, and glares at Leitha.

**JACINTHA:** Great. I'm stuck here with the commoner, (glares at Alyssa) and the nerd.

The other two princesses glare at Jacintha. Then all three of the ghosts disappear. Jup-Laura looks stunned.

**JUP-LAURA:** Wow, you were really snobby in your past life, Mars.  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** Excuse me? _Were_?

**CUT TO:**

**THE BALLROOM**  
The ballroom is now devoid of ghosts. Luna's group has found their way back inside, and now stand at the foot of the main stairs. They head upstairs, and meet Artemis' group coming out of the door leading to the tower. The two groups stand on a balcony that overlooks the ballroom.

**ARTEMIS:** There you are. We were wondering where you had got to.  
 **VENUS-MINAKO:** You'd never believe the things we've seen, Sailor Moon...  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Same with us. Sailor Moon was an adopted princess here!  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** She wasn't the only princess, Mercury...

Almost on cue, the Ginzuishou flashes once again, and the music resumes as the dancing ghosts reappear. In addition, the ghosts of Jacintha, Leitha and Alyssa run past, and peer over the balcony rail.

**MOON-LISA:** What the?  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Was that me?

All of the soldiers and cats follow the ghosts to where they stand, and listen in to the conversation.

**LEITHA:** I don't know if we should be down here, Jacintha.  
 **JACINTHA:** Oh, don't be such a baby. We're not going to get punished for just looking, are we?  
 **LEITHA:** I guess not... hey, can anyone see Prince Endymion down there?  
 **ALYSSA** (looking): No... he's not there.  
 **LEITHA:** Aww...  
 **JACINTHA:** Don't tell me you still have a crush on that earthling? You do know he's in love with your sister, right?  
 **LEITHA:** He is not!  
 **ALYSSA:** Ah, the wonderful power of denial...  
 **JACINTHA:** Come on Leitha, there's lots of other guys down there.  
 **ALYSSA:** Yeah. Like that prince from Uranus!  
 **LEITHA:** Who? Oooh... yeah, he is pretty handsome...

Jacintha looks alarmed.

**JACINTHA:** Uh, you do realize that's not a Prince... no never mind. I don't want to be the one to explain it.  
 **VOICE** (female, OS): Hey, what are you girls doing here?

Everyone, ghosts and living included, turns to see PRINCESS LEORA approaching them. This one resembles Laura.

**MARS-JESSICA:** This... this one is you, Jupiter!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** I was wondering when I would turn up.  
 **JACINTHA:** Leora! I can explain... uh, Leitha thought it would be...  
 **LEITHA:** Hey!  
 **LEORA** : Hey, don't worry... I'm not going to tell you off. I just came up to get away from the party. (she leans against the rail, and sighs) Frankly, it'll be nice to talk to someone who doesn't just want me to introduce them to my sister.

She looks down at Ghost-Jupiter, who is surrounded by several men trying to chat her up, and sighs again.

**LEORA** : If I had just been born 20 minutes earlier, I would be the one wearing that Sailor Jupiter uniform. But she gets all the attention just because she came out first.  
 **JACINTHA:** I know what you mean. My sis gets to have all this cool magical training to control fire, but they won't let me even let me touch it. She's always bossing me around too  
 **ALYSSA:** I really like my big sister, but she's always talking down to me because I'm younger. I'd know as much as her if I was as old as her.  
 **LEITHA:** Serenity's really nice, but she's not that smart and she's so idle... but she gets to use the Ginzuishou, and she gets to have Endymion fall in love with her. It's not fair.  
 **ALYSSA:** Yeah.  
 **JACINTHA:** Yeah.  
 **LEORA** : Yeah.

Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica and Jup-Laura watch the scene, entranced.

**MOON-LISA/MERC-ALLISON/MARS-JESSICA/JUP-LAURA** (chorus): Yeah...

Venus-Minako stands off to the side, with Luna and Artemis.

**VENUS-MINAKO** (confused, whispers):  <I don't understand... what does this mean?>  
 **ARTEMIS** (grim):  <I have my suspicions... and they're not good.> (glares at Luna)  
 **LUNA** (ignoring him): Sssh. It's about to start.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Huh? What's starting?  
 **VOICE** (Luna, OS): Queen Serenity! Queen Serenity!

A door at the end of the ballroom opens, and GHOST-LUNA and GHOST-ARTEMIS enter, running though the crowd to the Queen.

**GHOST-LUNA:** We have a dire emergency!  
 **GHOST-ARTEMIS:** The British are coming! The British are coming! Uh... I mean... the Earthlings are coming!

Up on the balcony, Artemis bangs his head against a pillar.

**ARTEMIS:** My chance to shine, and I fluff my line... D'oh!  
 **QUEEN SERENITY:** What do they want?  
 **GHOST-ARTEMIS:** I'm not quite sure your highness, but they've brought a flag.

All of the ghosts panic. Queen Serenity tries to retain some order but it's too late. Ghost-Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Venus gather together.

**GHOST-VENUS:** Where's Princess Serenity?  
 **GHOST-MARS** : I don't know! Didn't you keep an eye on her?  
 **GHOST-VENUS:** We're all supposed to keep an eye on her!  
 **GHOST-MARS** : Well, did you?  
 **GHOST-VENUS:** No! Did you?  
 **GHOST-JUPITER** : Will you two calm down? This isn't helping.  
 **GHOST-MERCURY** : She's right. We have to find Serenity now!

Up on the balcony, Leitha runs over to a window behind her and looks out.

**LEITHA** (horrified) **:** Oh no!

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE THE PALACE**  
A ghostly army of EARTHLINGS approaches, led by BERYL. Behind her are KUNZITE, ZOISITE, NEPHRITE, JADEITE, KEARNEYITE, DOLPHITE, NELSONITE, and JIMBOITE.

**CUT TO:**

**SHOT OF THE PALACE**  
A shot of the entire palace from outside. Purple lightning crackles above it for a moment, before the castle is subjected to a massive bombardment of magical energy. Walls and towers crumble immediately.

**CUT TO:**

**THE DANCEFLOOR**  
All 4 ghost Soldiers look up as the ceiling collapses on them.

**CUT TO:**

**BALLROOM BALCONY**  
Everyone is screaming and running. The balcony that the girls were standing on buckles and crumbles, sending them all flying. As Moon-Lisa starts to fall, the Ginzuishou once again glows brightly, and all of the living people disappear.  
Leitha is thrown off the disintegrating balcony, landing on her back on the ballroom floor. She groans, looks up... and sees a huge chunk of masonry falling toward her. Leitha braces herself...

 

**OUTSIDE WALLS - NIGHT**  
A wide path along the top of the walls. This part of the palace is still mostly intact, but there seems to be a strong updraft outside the walls that is sweeping debris up into the air. There is a flash, before Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura, Venus-Minako, Luna and Artemis appear. They all appear disoriented for a moment, and look around at the devastation. Moon-Lisa turns to see the main part of the palace collapse, and runs over to the edge of the wall to look.

**MOON-LISA** (distraught): Luna! What happened to us! What happened to Leitha? Tell me, because I don't remember that, and I need to know!  
 **LUNA** (quiet): I'm sorry... I don't know.  
 **MERC-ALLISON** (shocked): The end of the Silver Millennium came... so quickly...  
 **LUNA:** No, it's not really over yet.

The Ginzuishou flashes once again. PRINCESS SERENITY, PRINCE ENDYMION and QUEEN BERYL appear - Serenity and Endymion stand on the wall, with Endymion in front of Serenity, while Beryl floats in the middle of the updraft. (note to the confused, like me : despite her title, Queen Beryl is not Prince Endymion's mother)

**ARTEMIS:** Princess Serenity!  
 **ENDYMION** (to Beryl): Beryl! If you lay one finger on the Princess, you'll pay dearly.  
 **BERYL:** Think it over, Endymion. You are the Prince of the Earth. Why betray your people for the selfish people of the Moon Kingdom? Marry me, and you'll become king of the entire solar system!  
 **ENDYMION:** I will not betray Serenity and the Moon Kingdom! You're being used by Metallica's evil energy, Beryl! Open your eyes!  
 **BERYL:** SILENCE! I'll just kill both of you!

Beryl rears back and casts a spell. A huge pillar of green lightning appears, smashing it's way over the palace. It passes over Serenity and Endymion - he tries to shield her from it, and for his efforts he is dragged away and into the updraft.

**SERENITY:** ENDYMION! ENDYMION!

He fights it, but the updraft pulls Endymion further out beyond the palace wall. Serenity runs after him.

**ENDYMION:** Serenity, no!

She leaps out after him, into the updraft. The two manage to drift toward each other, but just as they are about to touch hands, a bolt of energy strikes them both. Both die instantly.

**LUNA:** PRINCESS SERENITY!  
 **MOON-LISA:** COREY... I mean, ENDYMION!

The Ginzuishou flashes, and Serenity, Endymion and Beryl fade away. Everyone left is emotionally exhausted.

**LUNA:** Queen Serenity was the only survivor of the attack, but she didn't last long. She used the Ginzuishou's power to seal away the Dark Kingdom, and then sent the souls of everyone who was killed to Earth to be reincarnated.  
 **ARTEMIS:** Now, it's really over.  
 **MOON-LISA:** Oh God, I hope it is. (to Ginzuishou) Please don't show us any more. I don't want to stand helplessly while we watch more people die. Send us home...

The Ginzuishou flashes one last time. All the girls and cats disappear.

**CUT TO:**

**DIMENSION OF RANDOM TIME**  
Everyone falls though the DORT.

  


**EXT: BEHIND KWIK-E-MART - DAY**  
The Moon Wand falls from the sky. As it hits the ground, there is a flash from the Ginzuishou, and suddenly MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA, JUP-LAURA, VENUS-MINAKO, LUNA and ARTEMIS are standing beside the dumpster. They look around for a moment, disoriented. Luna gets her wits about her quickly, and walks a few paces toward the street.

**MERC-ALLISON:** We're back...  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Back in Springfield.  
 **MOON-LISA:** It's over...  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** But... what did any of it mean, really? We saw the past... and we were there...  
 **LUNA:** I can explain it.  
 **MOON-LISA:** You can? What did it mean?

Closeup of Luna. She seems a little aggravated.

**LUNA:** After the death of the queen, Artemis and I set about trying to find the reincarnated Princesses. We desperately needed Princess Serenity and her friends the Sailor Soldiers, because they were the only ones who could defeat Beryl.

She walks over to a discarded cola can on the ground.

**LUNA:** We went our separate ways. I tried looking for Queen Serenity's power signature, knowing that the Princess would share it. I eventually found a very faint trace of it in Lisa... but I had forgotten about Leitha.

Luna seems to tense up, and glares at the can.

**LUNA:** In short... we were so close this time... but once again I have the WRONG (bleeped) GIRLS!

She yowls in anger, and kicks the can. It goes flying into a wall, rebounds off, and almost hits Moon-Lisa. All of the soldiers yell in surprise. While they were previously a little bewildered, now they're completely confused by this unusual change in Luna's attitude.

**MOON-LISA** (confused): The wrong girls? What do you mean we're the wrong girls?  
 **LUNA** (furious): I mean, Lisa, you are not Princess Serenity! You may have shared enough of the Queen's power to become Sailor Moon, but you will never be able to use the Ginzuishou! Never! (looks at other soldiers) The same goes for you other girls!  
 **MOON-LISA** (shocked): What do you mean...  
 **MERC-ALLISON** (shocked): We're not the right girls?  
 **ARTEMIS:** Not quite... Minako... you are the real Sailor Venus.  
 **VENUS-MINAKO:** I am? Why only me?  
 **ARTEMIS:** Because you were found by me. When Luna made her mistake with Lisa, it snowballed and Allison, Jessica and Laura got caught up too. (glares at Luna) You suspected this once you found Lisa couldn't use the Ginzuishou at the popsicle tower, didn't you Luna?  
 **LUNA** (snapping at Artemis): Oh keep out of this, Artemis! So you finally got something right for once. At least I never got any of the girls I found (yelling) BURNT AT THE STAKE!

Artemis looks horrified.

**ARTEMIS** (teary-eyed): Y-you promised you'd never mention Joanie again!

He runs off, crying to himself. Moon-Lisa turns back to Luna.

**MOON-LISA:** But Luna... we can do this! We don't need the Princess...  
 **LUNA:** We do need her, and you are not taking another step toward our enemy! You cannot use the Ginzuishou, you cannot defeat Beryl, and these girls will not be powerful enough to help you! You would die for nothing!  
 **MOON-LISA** (yelling): But we can defeat the Dark Kingdom, I know we can! We're going to try!  
 **LUNA:** OVER _MY_ _ **DEAD**_ _ **BODY**_!

The girls gasp as Luna's hackles rise, and the Moon on her forehead glows. Moon, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter suddenly de-transform back into LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA and LAURA. The reason becomes clear - Luna is somehow summoning their pens and the brooch back to her, along with the communicators and Mercury's computer! They float over to Luna and land on the ground in front of her.

**ALLISON:** Hey!  
 **JESSICA:** What the?  
 **LAURA:** Huh?  
 **LISA:** LUNA! What are you...  
 **LUNA:** There's no way I can allow you to go near the Dark Kingdom now, Lisa. I'm going to go now... I need to find the Princess. Since Minako came from Japan, I suspect she might be there.  
 **LISA** (taken aback): You're leaving? Just like that? But... you know we can help! We can do it, believe me! Luna, please!  
 **LUNA** (sad): I must go now, we don't have much time and... I should go before I cause any more damage around here... I'm... I'm sorry to have wasted your time over the past few months, Lisa. P-please don't hate me... goodbye!

Luna runs, taking the pens and brooch with her. Lisa yells after her.

**LISA:** Come back! HEY! LUNA! COME BACK! LUUNAAA! (pause, gets angry) ALRIGHT! OKAY! FINE! GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE! I never wanted to do this anyway! It's stupid! It makes no rational sense! I'm just a kid! All our enemies were idiots! It was INCREDIBLY embarrassing wearing that thing anyway! Make some other girl save the world! I always hated it! And (scream) I HATE YOU, LUNA!

**ALLISON** (OS): Lisa...

Lisa turns, to glare at Allison, Jessica and Laura. They look very concerned and shocked.

**VENUS-MINAKO** (OS): Lisa... I'm...

Lisa turns to look at Venus-Minako, who is also concerned and a little bit self-conscious. She sees Venus, still in the Sailor uniform, and for a second imagines herself in Venus' place, wearing the Moon uniform.

**LISA** (sad): But... I was enjoying it... it was weird, but we had fun... we were friends... we were going to...

Lisa's eyes fill with tears, she sniffs, and she runs off for home, crying to herself.  
Allison and Jessica move to follow her, but Laura holds them back.

**LAURA:** No... leave her for now...

 

**OUTSIDE SIMPSONS HOUSE - NIGHT**  
LISA runs up the front path and into the house, slamming the door behind her.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S ROOM**  
Lisa runs in and slams the door behind her, before sitting against it.

**LISA:** Luna you... traitor!

She sniffs, and wipes her eyes.

**LISA** (bitterly): Well... I don't care anymore! I have more important things to do!

She gets up and walks over to her desk.

**LISA:** I need to get back into studying more. (sarcastic) "Saving the world" was eating into my time too much.

She picks up a book, and as she does so a picture on her desk catches her eye. It's a group pic of her, Allison, Jessica, Laura, Minako, Luna and Artemis. She frowns and places it flat on the desk. Also, Jessica's signed Sailor V manga is on her desk - Lisa picks it up, and shoves it onto a shelf carelessly.

**LISA:** I don't have any time for that, now.

 

**MINAKO'S APARTMENT - NIGHT**  
Somehow MINAKO has managed to live by herself in this apartment. She sits at a table, and ARTEMIS lies on it.

**MINAKO:** **<** But... I don't understand, Artemis. Why did Luna get so angry at the girls, and you? It wasn't fair on them...>  
 **ARTEMIS:** **<** She didn't get angry at us, Minako-chan. She's angry at herself, and frustrated. Do you have any idea how long she has been looking for Serenity? >  
 **MINAKO:** **<** No...>  
 **ARTEMIS:** **<** Neither does she, and I know I don't have a clue. But she's so dedicated, and she can be stubborn... I just hope we have enough time left before the Dark Kingdom plays its final hand. >  
 **MINAKO:** **<** How is Luna doing anyway? >  
 **ARTEMIS:** **<** I persuaded her to spend the night here before we leave tomorrow. She's sleeping in your room now. >  
 **MINAKO** (sigh): **<** So we're going on the road again, I guess...>

Minako leans on the table, deep in thought.

**CUT TO:**

**MINAKO'S ROOM**  
It's still day, but the curtains are drawn and it's fairly dark in here. LUNA lies on a rug on the floor, asleep. The brooch, pens, communicators and computer lie beside her. But Luna shivers in her sleep... zoom in to her head...

**MIX TO :**

**LUNA'S DREAM**  
Side view of Luna running along a street, with a white fence in the background. An image of MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON and MARS-JESSICA appears over her head.

**MOON-LISA:** What do you mean...

The image disappears, and is replaced by an image of 3 other sailors - MOON-PEPPERMINT PATTY, MERC-MARCIE, and MARS-LUCY.

**MERC-MARCIE** (cont): ... we're not the right girls, sir?

The image disappears, and is replaced by one of MOON-BRITTANY, MERC-DARIA and MARS-JANE.

**MARS-JANE** : You are *so* dead...

The image disappears, and is replaced by MOON-WENDY, MERC-BÉBÉ, and MARS-SHELLY.

**MOON-WENDY** (cont): ... you  &*^%ing bi%$h!

The image disappears.

**LISA** (OS, screams, echo): I HATE YOU, LUNA!  
 **LUNA:** Lisa... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

Luna almost trips as she runs, but continues. She appears to be crying. As she continues a cacophony of voices start shouting, each saying a variation on "I HATE YOU, LUNA!"

**MIX TO :**

**MINAKO'S ROOM**  
Zoom back out from Luna's head. She's still not sleeping peacefully. The door opens a crack, and a SHADOW sneaks in. It creeps over to Luna...

**LUNA** (trembling) **:** I'm sorry... sorry...  
 **SHADOW** (female, quiet): Softly, softly... sneaky, sneaky...

The shadow grabs the equipment, and sneaks out of the door.

 

**LISA'S ROOM**  
Lisa's attempt to study has failed. She sits at her desk, trying to read the Sailor V manga. She traces her finger along the hiragana lettering.

**LISA** (struggling): "A-ta-shi... wa..." oh great, katakana, I think that'll be "Sailor Venus" though... "wa... yo..." oh, now I know how Ralph feels... agh, this is no good! I'm just torturing myself now! (slams the manga shut) I need to STUDY!

Lisa puts the manga down, and throws open her textbook. As she does so a piece of paper comes out from between the pages, and lands on the floor. She bends down to see what it is.

**LISA:** Oh... I haven't seen this in a while...

She puts the piece of paper on her desk, and idly writes a few things on it. Then she sits and looks at it for just a little while, until there is a knock on her door.

**JESSICA** (OS): Uh, Lisa? Can we come in?

Lisa gets up, and walks over to the door and opens it. ALLISON, JESSICA, LAURA and MINAKO are in the corridor. Lisa frowns at Minako.

**LISA:** Sorry... I don't feel like talking much now... what do you want?  
 **LAURA:** Well, love and justice would be nice.  
 **JESSICA:** There's some punishing to do, and I'm lazy.  
 **ALLISON:** We want our leader back, Lisa.  
 **MINAKO:** Here. I took them back from Luna.

Minako holds out a hand - she has Lisa's brooch. Lisa looks at it, and then at her friends. Each of them holds a transformation pen, and Allison has her computer. But Lisa frowns, and heads back into her room without taking the brooch.

**LISA:** No thanks. I don't want it.

They follow Lisa into her room, and Jessica closes the door.

**ALLISON:** Why not?  
 **LAURA:** Are you thinking about what Luna said?  
 **LISA:** Yes. I can't use the Ginzuishou.  
 **ALLISON:** Who said you couldn't? I saw you use it.

Jessica wanders over to Lisa's desk.

**LISA:** When?  
 **ALLISON:** You asked the Ginzuishou to send us home. It did.  
 **LISA:** That wasn't a use!  
 **LAURA:** It did exactly what you asked it to.  
 **LISA:** Okay... MAYBE the Ginzuishou did respond to me... but it might have been about to send us home anyway! And I don't want to be Sailor Moon anyway!

Pan over to Jessica. She is sitting on Lisa's desk, reading the manga.

**JESSICA:** Yet the first you did when you came home was read my Sailor V manga?  
 **LISA:** Huh? (lie) I didn't! That's been on my desk for days.  
 **JESSICA:** There are salty water-stains all over it. Someone's used their hands to wipe away tears, and then ran their hands all over the speech bubbles. (closes manga) I may have to kill you for this, but that can wait.  
 **ALLISON:** Are you sure you don't want to be Sailor Moon?  
 **LISA:** But I'm not Sailor Moon! My "sister" Serenity should be! We're the understudies, the backup princesses they never expected to use!  
 **MINAKO:** I don't remember those princesses well. I'm sure they're great people, and we'd be friends. But you are the Sailor Soldiers who are here now, and I have spent enough time with you all to believe you can do it!

Lisa looks around for an excuse.

**LISA:** But, I don't even know if I'm really cut out to be a Sailor Soldier.

The other four girls approach Lisa, getting in her face and making her back into a corner.

**JESSICA:** Do you believe in beauty?  
 **LISA:** Kinda...  
 **LAURA:** Freedom?  
 **LISA:** Of course.  
 **ALLISON:** Truth?  
 **LISA:** Yes!  
 **MINAKO:** Love?  
 **LISA** (hesitant): Love? I... don't know. I've never really been in love... (embarrassed) All I've ever had is silly crushes...  
 **MINAKO:** What is wrong with that? A crush is what love is before it's diluted by adult ideas like money, responsibility, realism and... (cough) other things.

She grabs an issue of "Non Threatening Boys" from Lisa's shelf. Corey is on the cover.

**MINAKO:** A crush is love that wishes for a response but deep down does not expect anything in return, it is part of how you learn to love for real!  
 **LISA:** Oh? Well... then... Yes! I do!  
 **JESSICA:** Then what's the problem? You're a Sailor Soldier!  
 **LAURA:** You can't fool us by pretending not to care, Lisa!  
 **ALLISON:** You're a soldier and you're our leader!

Lisa smiles at all around her, slightly shy and embarrassed. She walks over to her desk. Jessica gets out the way. Lisa looks at the piece of paper.

**LISA:** I don't think I'm really Sailor Moon. And I wouldn't ever call myself "Leitha."

She writes something on the paper, then turns to the others.

**LISA:** But I'll do it! We've got to!

Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako smile.

**ALLISON:** The Dark Kingdom had better watch out.  
 **JESSICA:** Because we're coming.  
 **LISA:** (pose) And in the name of the Moon, (pose)  
 **ALLISON:** And Mercury, (pose)  
 **MINAKO:** And Venus, (pose)  
 **JESSICA:** And Mars, (pose)  
 **LAURA:** And Jupiter, (pose)  
 **ALL** : We'll punish you! (pose, pose)  
 **HOMER:** Hey! Keep it down up there!  
 **LISA:** Aww... (yell) Daaad, would you stop embarrassing me in front of my friends? (spoken) Uh, sorry guys. Anyway, let's go!

They run out of the room. Camera glide over to the paper. It reads the following...

_I'm not Sailor Moon..._

_I am not "Leitha!"_

**YOU ARE**

**LISA**

**SIMPSON**

_and she doesn't run away. She never has._

 

 


	7. Assault on the Dark Kingdom! Why Don't the Uniforms Have Pants...

**EXT: BENCH IN THE PARK**  
It's early evening. LISA, JESSICA, LAURA and MINAKO sit on the bench, talking.

 **MINAKO:** It's time...  
 **LAURA:** I'm ready to go.  
 **JESSICA:** But, where's Allison?  
 **LISA:** She said she had to go talk to some people...  
 **JESSICA:** What about?  
 **LISA:** I don't know... wouldn't say.

 

A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

 **"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 7 : Assault on the Dark Kingdom! Why don't the uniforms have pants...

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

 

Pan over to some trees - ALLISON walks out from behind them, followed by BART, MILHOUSE, BIYOMON, AGUMON and GOMAMON. Biyomon is a small pink bird, about a foot or two tall. Agumon is a small dinosaur. Gomamon resembles a white seal with blue markings. Bart wears a pair of goggles. Allison has a wool hat on with two long ties hanging down by her ears.

 **BART:** But why won't you say where you're going, Allison? We still have to find the eighth child, you know!  
 **ALLISON:** I'm sorry... but I can't. Something has come up. But I promise, I'm going to be right back, okay? I'm sure I will.  
 **BIYOMON** : But do I have to stay here? I want to come with you!  
 **ALLISON:** Sorry Biyomon, but you can't... don't worry, okay? I won't be gone long.  
 **BIYOMON** (sad): Okay.  
 **ALLISON:** I'll see you later...  
 **BART:** Bye... stay safe, okay Allison?  
 **MILHOUSE:** Yeah. Be careful.  
 **ALLISON:** I will. Bye!

She walks away from them, and heads over at Lisa's group. Everyone is glaring at her.

 **LISA** (lecturing, arms crossed): Allison... have you been moonlighting as a Digi-Destined?

Allison gets embarrassed and puts her hand up behind her head. She touches her hat, remembers that she's wearing it, and quickly takes it off her head and hides it behind her back.

 **ALLISON:** Well... things just seemed to happen... you know? (awkward laugh)  
 **LISA:** I see.  
 **JESSICA:** So were you having a last meeting with your sweetheart?  
 **ALLISON** (embarrassed): Wha? What do you mean, sweetheart?  
 **JESSICA:** Maybe it's just my fangirl gene, but I thought I detected a little Barison there...  
 **LAURA:** Barison? (leans toward Allison) Oh?  
 **MINAKO** (leaning): Oh?  
 **LISA** (leaning): Oh?  
 **ALLISON:** Barison? (turns red, tries to hide) No... nothing like that! Really!  
 **JESSICA:** Really? Oh well. Could have been worse, it could have been Barbles.  
 **LAURA** (changing subject): Anyway... what were you talking about then, Allison?  
 **ALLISON:** Oh... not a lot... I just wanted to say bye to them... um... in case.  
 **MINAKO** (startled ): In case of?  
 **ALLISON:** You know... in case we... make mistakes.  
 **LISA:** oh...

Everyone looks depressed for a moment.

 **MINAKO** (determined): It's not a good idea to talk like that.  
 **JESSICA:** Yeah. Nothing's going to happen to us anyway.  
 **LAURA:** Yup. I'm already planning for when we get back - I think I might give Jimbo one last try!  
 **LISA:** All the same... it is pretty high odds we're going up against. Our trip though time showed us what happened last time the Sailor Soldiers and the Dark Kingdom fought. It wasn't pretty.  
 **MINAKO:** They had the element of surprise that time though, Lisa-chan. This time, we're on the attack! As the saying goes, it's a game of two halves!  
 **ALLISON:** I don't think that phrase is really appropriate for this situation.  
 **JESSICA:** Yeah, it's usually 4 quarters in this country.  
 **LAURA:** Or 3 periods.  
 **MINAKO:** Oh... well, anyway. Now that we're all here...  
 **ARTEMIS** (OS): It's time for you to get going.

They all turn to look behind the bench. ARTEMIS looks up at them.

 **ALL** : Artemis!  
 **ARTEMIS:** I'm here to see you girls off. I'm sorry, but from this point on Luna and I won't be able to help you much.  
 **LISA:** Luna... is she...  
 **ARTEMIS:** She's still sleeping at Minako's apartment, Lisa. Don't be discouraged by what she told you... the truth is she's just worried about you.

 

 **LUNA'S DREAM**  
LUNA still runs along.

 **VOICES** : I HATE YOU, LUNA! (repeated over and over.)

The voices stop suddenly however as a shadow falls over Luna. She stops, looks up and sees PRINCESS SERENITY standing over her, looking kind as usual.

 **LUNA** (relief): Princess Serenity! At last!

Serenity frowns, and glares at Luna.

 **SERENITY** (coldly): I hate you, Luna.

**CUT TO:**

**MINAKO'S BEDROOM**  
Luna is lying on the rug but quickly sits up, screaming. She sits, looking around the room and panting to herself.

 **LUNA** (panicked): A dream... it was just a dream... The princess isn't mad at me. I'll find her, she'll defeat the Dark Kingdom, and then I'll make it up to Lisa and all the others!

She looks at where the brooch and pens should be. They aren't there.

 **LUNA** (shocked): The brooch! The pens! But... but... where are they?

Luna dashes around the room, searching under the bed, behind lamps, in the wardrobe, and so on.

 **LUNA:** No, they're missing... (thinks, horrified) Minako! Artemis! (spoken) On no!

She jumps up to the bed, then to the window ledge, and then out the window.

 

 **THE PARK - NIGHT**  
Artemis is telling the girls his plan.

 **ARTEMIS:** You won't be able to use the portal in the dumpster, I'm sure the Dark Kingdom will be watching that now. But there is another way the Sailor Soldiers can use to get to the arctic. Minna! Henshin yo!

Lisa, Allison, Jessica and Laura look confused.

 **MINAKO:** That means "Everyone! Transform!"  
 **LISA:** Ah...

**CUT TO:**

**BLUE BUBBLY STARFIELD**

A closeup of Allison's hand, holding the pen.

 **ALLISON:** MERCURY POWER, MAKE UP!

The Mercury symbol on the pen glows and shoots toward the screen. Allison moves into the background so we can see all of her. (and yes she's still clothed and not glowing) She TWIRLS and WAVES the pen around her - water comes out of the top of the pen, and sticks to her. Once she's completely covered by water she faces away from the camera and poses with her arms in front of her. The water bursts away from her in many tiny bubbles and she's wearing the Sailor Mercury uniform. She starts to turn - camera zooms in for a closeup of her face as she does so, and then zooms back out as she faces the camera and POSES - legs apart, right hand giving the V (victory) sign.

**CUT TO:**

**RED BUBBLY STARFIELD**  
A closeup of Jessica's hand, holding the pen.

 **JESSICA:** MARS POWER, MAKE UP!

Like Allison's, the Mars symbol on the pen spins and shoots toward the camera, before Jessica moves into the background so we can see more. She spins and holds the pen above her - flames fall down from the pen that eventually cover all of her. Closeup of her feet - the flames burn out so show a pair of high-heels and the camera quickly moves up her to show she's now dressed as Sailor Mars. It stops at her face and pans back as she POSES - legs apart, left hand on hip, right hand's index finger pointing up in a "you don't wanna do that" kind of pose.

**CUT TO:**

**YELLOW BUBBLY STARFIELD**  
Closeup of Minako's hand holding her pen.

 **MINAKO:** VENUS POWER, MAKE UP!

Minako goes though her usual transformation, except this time she's decided to remain clothed and non-glowing. She SPINS and WAVES the pen around her - the top of the pen leaves a trail of stars where it goes. She then POSES, holding the pen over her head. A ribbon of stars twirls down around her, clinging to her body and clothes as they fall.  
Camera does a closeup of her feet, and moves up to her head as she SPINS. As it passes up her, the stars peel off as the camera passes over, revealing she's now dressed as Sailor Venus. Brief close-up of her face before pulling back to show all of her. She poses, with one arm behind her back and the other straight up.

**CUT TO:**

**BLACK BACKGROUND**  
Lisa sticks her hand up in front of the camera.

 **LISA:** MOON PRISM POWER, MAKE UP!

Sparkles come along and paint Lisa's fingernails for her. How nice.  
Extreme closeup of her face, so all we can see is her eyes. She blinks a few times , then moves away, SPINNING AWAY from the camera. She loops back toward us and we get a closeup of her torso - the brooch glows and so does her dress, before it re-shapes itself into the white suit. Lisa spins again and the camera moves up to her head - she crosses her arms in front of it, and her gloves appear. Don't ask me why the nails get painted when she's about to cover them with gloves. Quick pan down to her feet, where her shoes glow and grow to cover her legs up to her knees.  
Quick pan up - the skirt and bows appear. Lisa twirls once again and the camera moves up to her face. The tiara appears. Lisa moves back into the foreground and does her POSE - hand on hip, other hand giving a salute by her eye.

**CUT TO:**

**PARK**  
MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA and VENUS-MINAKO stand off to the left, still in their poses. Laura is still not transformed. The soldiers break their poses, and turn to her.

 **MOON-LISA:** Come on Laura, what are you waiting for?

Laura laughs to herself.

**CUT TO:**

**GREEN BUBBLY STARFIELD**  
Closeup of Laura's hand holding her pen.

 **LAURA:** JUPITER POWER, MAKE UP!

The Jupiter symbol on it spins off toward the camera. Laura holds the pen above her - she's spinning, glowing and naked. Lightning comes from the top of the pen and crackles all around her. Eventually there is a huge explosion of electricity. We get a closeup of Laura, panning from her boots to her face - she's now dressed as Sailor Jupiter. Once the camera reaches her face it zooms out again and she POSES in a martial arts stance.

**CUT TO:**

**PARK**  
The other soldiers are pretty shocked.

 **MOON-LISA:** Jupiter!  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Heh he. I wanted to try that at least one time.  
 **MARS-JESSICA:** But... that's private places in a public place! Wasn't it embarrassing?  
 **JUP-LAURA:** Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It's not like there was anyone around to see it.

**CUT TO:**

**BUSHES**  
Bart and Milhouse hide in the bushes, with shocked looks on their faces.

 **MILHOUSE** (awed): Bart, truly, these are the days of our lives.  
 **BART** (awed): Yeah...

A trickle of blood runs from each boy's nose.

**CUT TO:**

**PARK**  
Lisa looks around at the others, and down at herself.

 **MOON-LISA:** I'm not comfortable with this.  
 **MERC-ALLISON:** Nobody is, it's okay to be nervous...  
 **MOON-LISA:** No, it's not that. It's just that... I'm not Sailor Moon. I'm wearing her costume and I'm using her powers, but I'm not her. So when we do this, I'd prefer it if you called me Lisa... Okay?  
 **LAURA:** I will, Lisa. And you should call me Laura too.  
 **ALLISON:** I'm Allison.  
 **JESSICA:** Jessica.  
 **MINAKO:** Please, call me Minako.  
 **LISA:** You too, Minako? But... you're really Sailor Venus...  
 **MINAKO** (smile): I told you... I am with you girls here.

Lisa smiles, and turns to Artemis.

 **LISA:** We're ready then.  
 **ARTEMIS:** Very well.

**CUT TO:**

**PARK A LITTLE LATER**  
All 5 girls stand in a circle holding each other's hands. They have their eyes closed and appear to be concentrating.

 **ARTEMIS:** You will use the Sailor Teleport to get to the North Pole. You must combine everyone's power to get there! You must concentrate... if you're not careful, you could fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova, and that'd end your trip real quick!

The clouds in the sky part, revealing the moon from behind them.

 **ARTEMIS:** SAILOR TELEPORT!

A wind starts to blow in the circle, whipping everyone's hair and clothing about. A ring of energy flashes around them - large chunks of concrete and turf break away from the pavement and grass and rise into the air. The bench is caught in the energy and pulverized. And the girls fade away.  
The lumps of earth float back to the ground, settling awkwardly in the holes they left.

 **ARTEMIS:** Good luck, everyone...  
 **LUNA** (OS): ARTEMIS! You idiot!

Artemis turns to see LUNA charging toward him. She dives at him, and he dodges out of the way. Luna lands badly and rolls along the ground for a few feet. She looks up at Artemis.

 **LUNA:** You fool! What do you think will happen when they go up against Beryl? Lisa will... she will...  
 **ARTEMIS:** She will defeat Beryl. I'm sure.

Luna just looks at Artemis, unsure about what to do.

 

 **EXT: SNOWFIELD AT THE NORTH POLE - NIGHT**  
It's snowing. Closeup of LISA, JESSICA and MINAKO. They're rubbing their arms.

 **LISA:** It's c-c-c-cold!  
 **JESSICA:** Whose job was it to bring the coats?  
 **MINAKO:** I think it was yours, Jessica-chan.  
 **JESSICA:** Huh? I thought it was Laura's.

Pull camera back a little to show LAURA and ALLISON, who don't seem too bothered by the cold. Allison is working on her computer and has her visor down.

 **LAURA:** I thought it was Minako's.  
 **ALLISON:** Well, did anyone here bring coats?  
 **LISA/JESSICA/LAURA/MINAKO:** No.

Allison rolls her eyes.

 **ALLISON:** Then we'd better get going - I'll try to find the coordinates of the Dark Kingdom's base!

Laura looks over, spotting a crystalline tower rising in the distance. SUPERMAN is seen flying into it.

 **LAURA:** Hey, I think that's it!  
 **JESSICA:** Don't be an idiot! (points offscreen) THAT'S obviously the base!

Whip pan over to a small village of red, gold and green. Elves mill around, feeding reindeers and cleaning a huge sleigh.

 **ALLISON:** That may be evil, but I don't think it's the right one. (looks at computer screen.) That's it (points) over there!

Pan over to show a huge crater - a dull purple light comes from the center of the crater, and black smoke rises out of it.

 **LISA:** Alright! Lets get going then! (achoo!)  
 **MINAKO:** Bless you.

They start walking toward the crater.

 

 **DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM – NIGHT  
** Beryl's crystal ball shows the girls walking.

 **BERYL:** Queen Metallica is nearly awake! We can't let these girls interfere with that.  
 **KEARNEYITE** (appearing): I'll get rid of them.  
 **BERYL:** No... you stay here for now Kearneyite.

Kearneyite looks disappointed. Beryl calls out to the crowd of youmas - there aren't many left.

 **BERYL:** If there is anyone who wishes to defeat the Sailor Soldiers, step forward now.

 **VOICE** (female, OS): We will. We are the DD girls!

Five youmas step forward. They're all very scantily clad and have similar "wing shaped" headdresses.

**CUT TO:**

**SNOWFIELD**  
The girls march though the blizzard. They pass 5 giant ice cubes, each with a frozen DD Girl inside.

 **LAURA:** Wow, those youmas are wearing even less than we are!  
 **LISA:** No wonder they froze to death. (achoo!)  
 **JESSICA:** Bless you.

**CUT TO:**

**DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM**  
Beryl looks miffed.

 **BERYL:** Well that was a giant bust. (to youmas) Is there anyone who won't freeze to death who'd like to kill the Sailor Soldiers?

 **VOICE** (female, OS): We will!

Five youmas step forward. They have similar headdresses to the DD girls, but wear more practical t-shirts and jeans.

 **KRIS:** We are the Sensibly Dressed girls!  
 **SHEENA:** We specialize in Violence,  
 **JENII:** Angst,  
 **FIO:** Torture,  
 **MELA:** and Death!

**CUT TO:**

**SNOWFIELD**  
The soldiers are still marching. Allison stops in her tracks.

 **ALLISON:** I'm getting a huge energy reading up ahead!

The snowstorm suddenly stops.

 **JESSICA:** Huh? What the?  
 **LISA:** Something's coming! Get ready!

Everyone falls into a ready pose. Lisa looks around, and spots something on the horizon. TUXEDO KAMEN appears - he's hanging from something by his wrists. His clothes are ragged and he looks pretty beaten, only half-conscious.

 **KAMEN** (weakly): Help me... Sailor Moon...  
 **LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen!

Lisa starts to run forward. But Jessica garbs her scarf, pulling her back.

 **JESSICA:** Don't be stupid!  
 **LAURA:** Don't you think this could be a trap?  
 **LISA:** but he's... (looks closely) No, you're right.

Allison uses her computer. Her visor shows an image of KRIS.

 **ALLISON:** He's an illusion created by a youma.  
 **KRIS:** You're right. In this snowfield, you cannot defeat us!  
 **JESSICA** (running forward): Yeah? Well I know what works really well against snow and ice! FIRE...

The illusion of TUXEDO KAMEN fades away, to be replaced by one of BART.

 **JESSICA:** SOU... huh? Bart?

Jessica is distracted, and the youmas take advantage - the ice underneath her breaks as dozens of black coil tentacles rip out of the ground and wrap themselves around her arms and legs. She is lifted into the air by 5 pillars of coils.  
All the girls gasp. Jessica looks around anxiously.

 **LISA:** Jessica!

KRIS, SHEENA, JENI, MELA and FIO break out from under the ice. They hold the ends of the coils, holding Jessica at a distance. Lisa goes for her tiara.

 **LISA:** MOON TIARA...  
 **LAURA:** SUPREME...  
 **MINAKO:** CRESCENT...

The five youma move in close to Laura.

 **ALLISON:** Don't shoot! They're too close to her!  
 **LAURA:** Damn!  
 **JESSICA:** Don't worry about me, just go and defeat Beryl! I'll be fine!  
 **BERYL** (OS): Sensibly Dressed Girls! Use Thunder Shock!

The youma start to electrocute Jessica. She screams.

 **LISA:** JESSICA!  
 **JESSICA** (to youma): You think coming up here keeps you safe? You'll regret coming anywhere near me! FIRE... SOUL!

Jessica's arms are pinned to her side, so when flames come out of Jessica's hands, they become a sphere of fire centered around her. The sphere stays still for a moment, before it rapidly explodes outwards! Kris, Jeni, Mela and Fio manage to get away. Sheena is instantly incinerated. The explosion knocks the other sailors to their knees, and they have to shield themselves against the blast.

The blast dies down. Lisa looks up... there is a crater where the huge fireball had been, but a single pillar of ice stands in the center. The pillar is covered in spikes.  
Jessica is trapped halfway inside the pillar, several feet from the ground. She looks severely battered, and is near death.

 **LISA:** JESSICA!  
 **ALLISON/LAURA/MINAKO:** JESSICA!

They all scramble to their feet and run over to the pillar. Lisa starts trying to climb up to Jessica

 **LISA:** Hang on Jessica, we'll get you out of there!  
 **JESSICA:** Don't worry, Lisa... you have to go fight Beryl...  
 **LISA:** What! We won't leave you!  
 **JESSICA:** Damn it Lisa... let me be selfless... for once...  
 **LISA:** NO!  
 **JESSICA:** I'll never admit I liked you Lisa, but it's been fun...

Shot of Lisa's disbelieving face. She gasps and starts to cry.

 **JESSICA:** I didn't like you because you're a do-gooder, and I always did bad... but you do that well, Lisa... go do good now...

Her eyes close, and she goes limp.

 **LISA:** JESSICA! NO! DON'T DIE! **JESSICA!**

**FADE OUT**

 

 

 **THE PILLAR, SOMETIME LATER**  
Lisa kneels by the pillar, still crying. Minako walks up to her.

 **MINAKO:** Lisa... we need to go, they'll be back soon.  
 **LISA:** Why... why Jessica? She's just a little girl, and now... heck, I'm... WE'RE all just kids... what are we thinking, we can't win...  
 **MINAKO:** Do NOT talk like that, Lisa!  
 **LAURA:** Yeah! We have to get the Dark Kingdom even more now! It was Jessica's last wish!  
 **LISA:** But...

The ground under Lisa starts to glow red. Minako looks at her in alarm.

 **LISA** (oblivious): But... I don't like the way this is going...  
 **MINAKO:** Sailor Moon! Nigero!

Minako charges at Lisa, and pushes her out of the way - as she does so a huge mass of coils bursts out of the ground and wraps itself around Minako.

 **MINAKO** (panicking): Waaa~!! Tsu, tsumakaeta yo! Tasukete!!

The coils start electrocuting her. She screams in pain.

 **LISA/LAURA/ALLISON:** Minako!  
 **MINAKO** (panicked): Baka!! Tobe, tobe!!  
 **ALLISON:** We can't...  
 **MINAKO** (slightly less panicked): I said go! If you give up now, I'll never forgive you! Don't dare betray my trust!  
 **LISA:** But Mina... urk!

She's interrupted by Laura picking up Lisa and bundling her over her shoulder. Laura also grabs Allison and tucks her under one arm, then she RUNS!  
The coils drag Minako down into the hole in the ice.

**CUT TO:**

**UNDER THE ICE**  
Kris, Mela, Fio and Jeni hold Minako under here.

 **KRIS:** We've got you now, you little brat! I've wanted to do this for a while, ever since that day in England! My name is Kris Le Tueur. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

She shocks Minako even harder. Minako screams louder, and then seems to get a little composition despite the pain. She holds up her index finger and presses it against Kris' forehead.

 **MINAKO:** CRESCENT...  
 **KRIS:** Huh? Oh shimat...  
 **MINAKO:** BEAM!

The attack completely obliterates Kris. The other 3 youma burst away.

**CUT TO:**

**SNOWFIELD**  
Bright light shines out of the hole where Minako was taken and a gigantic pillar of ice rises from it. Minako is in the center of the ice, wrapped in the branches of a tree. She's already dead.

**CUT TO:**

**SOME DISTANCE AWAY**  
Laura is still running toward the Dark Kingdom's base. Lisa kicks with her legs.

 **LISA:** Put me down, Laura! Minako's...

She kicks again, and Laura drops her. Lisa rolls on the snow, and gets up.

 **LISA:** MINAKO!  
 **LAURA:** Lisa, she told us to run! We have to go!  
 **LISA:** But... Minako's dead! Damnit, when did this become a snuff fic? She was the only actual Sailor Soldier we had as well! If she's dead... what chance do we have?  
 **LAURA:** None at all while we stand here and let them catch us!

Lisa looks at the ground.

 **LISA:** You're... you're right. We'd better go.  
 **LAURA:** Yeah.  
 **ALLISON:** Wait! We're going about this wrong.  
 **LISA:** Huh? What do you mean, Allison? (achoo!)  
 **ALLISON:** Bless you. I mean, we need a strategy if we're going to succeed. (to Laura) Laura, from this point on your more powerful magic is more important. (to Lisa) Lisa, you're the only one who can stop Beryl. I'll stay here and defeat those youmas, or at least distract them.  
 **LAURA:** Allison...  
 **LISA:** Allison! No! I can't leave you here to die!  
 **ALLISON:** I won't die, silly! (wink) I've got a plan. Trust me, Lisa.  
 **LISA:** Allison...

**CUT TO:**

**MONTAGE**  
Lisa and Laura say bye and leave Allison in a series of still pictures.

Lisa holds Allison's hand and talks to her.  
Laura leads Lisa away from Allison.  
Allison smiles as she watches them go.  
They're quite far away in the distance...

**CUT TO:**

**ALLISON**  
She gets out the computer.

 **ALLISON:** Okay. Let's do this.

She touches her earring, and the visor lowers.

**CUT TO:**

**VISOR VIEW**  
Through the visor we can see the remaining 3 youma flying toward Allison.

**CUT TO:**

**SNOWFIELD**  
Allison works on her computer.

 **ALLISON:** You think you're ganging up on the small, weak defenseless one? If you mistake a lack of raw power for weakness, you're in for a shock.  
 **ALLISON** (thinking): This computer interfaces with parts of my uniform, and can detect things no other computer in the world could... it **must** have some powerful magical components. Its taken months to get this far, but I think I've figured out how to tap them...  
 **ALLISON:** You think you're the only ones who can use illusions, traps and tricks? Well, prepare yourselves!

She hits the ENTER key on her keyboard. Closeup of the screen - a window opens, and the following scrolls though it.

 

 

 

 

**RT5611 DETECT  
** EMERGENCY  
DEFENCE  
{exit/(disable)/}  
initializing mercury[Tera].BIN  
initializing mercury[Tera].JY  
Commencing KPRO.697  
{ANNIHILATE}...............  
  
SYSTEM DEFENCE.......  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
INITIALISED  
  
---  
  
 

**CUT TO:**

**CLOSEUP OF YOUMA**  
They fly toward Allison with predatory grins on their faces.

**CUT TO:**

**ALLISON**  
The computer floats out of Allison's hands, and hovers in the air in front of her. A wind starts to blow.

 **ALLISON** (whisper): It's working... the program's working...

The computer and Allison float into the air. Even Allison seems a little shocked. A transparent red forcefield sphere appears around her. It's about 20 feet in diameter, and seems to be made up of hundreds of overlapping red squares.

**CUT TO:**

**CLOSEUP OF YOUMA**  
Their sadistic grins become looks of fear, as they try to pull up and avoid smashing into the forcefield. They manage it, but only just.

**CUT TO:**

**INSIDE FORCEFIELD**  
Allison looks pretty happy about this.

 **ALLISON:** I can't believe it's really working.

She points directly to about a dozen points on the surface of the shield. Beams of light shoot from the computer to where she points on the forcefield, and a metal frame builds itself on the inside of the field. Blue gun emplacements appear where Allison pointed - they start out wire-frame, before they are filled in and become solid.  
Allison looks around and up, seeing Mel flying above her. She points at Mela, and taps on the computer keyboard with her other hand.

 **ALLISON** (to computer): Target this one! Ready... BUBBLE SPRAY!

She fires the water into the top gun emplacement, which condenses the water into a thick arrow of ice and fires it at Mela. It hits, and Mela falls to the ground, crashing somewhere in the distance.  
Allison seems enthused by this.

 **ALLISON** (excited): Now, target the remaining two!

She looks up and gasps. Fio and Jeni are already charging her! They fire fireballs and lightning bolts, but Allison holds out the palms of her hands. The shield intensifies where she points her arms to, and deflects the attacks.

 **ALLISON:** Yes!

Fio and Jeni fly past Allison. She turns to face them, and as she turns so does the entire frame she's floating inside.

 **ALLISON:** BUBBLE SPRAY!

She fires the water at ALL of the cannons - they suck it in and simultaneously fire a dozen ice arrows at the two youma. Fio and Jeni try to flee from them but the ice arrows act like homing missiles, following them around.

**CUT TO:**

**FURTHER AWAY**  
Lisa and Laura watch the fight from a hill some distance away. They're awed.

 **LISA:** Wow... wasn't she the one who was always complaining about not being powerful enough?  
 **LAURA:** Yeah... (turns) come on!

Laura drags Lisa over the hill.

**CUT TO:**

**BACK AT THE BATTLE**  
Jeni and Fio eventually manage to lose the arrows, and fly up next to each other.

 **JENI:** Did you notice, behind her?  
 **FIO:** Yes. You distract her, I'll get inside.

Jeni flies in front of Allison, swooping around and trying to be a nuisance. Allison points at her.

 **ALLISON:** Computer, target that youma...

As Allison is talking, Fio swoops down directly behind her. There is a weak point in Allison's forcefield directly behind her. Fio squeezes though it, wraps some coils around Allison and starts electrocuting her! Allison screams loudly, and her forcefield drops - Jeni takes the chance, charges up next to Allison and starts electrocuting her too!

 **ALLISON:** AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
 **FIO:** DIE!

Despite the pain, Allison manages to look at Fio, and gives her a WICKED GRIN.

 **ALLISON:** You've fallen into my trap...  
 **FIO:** Huh?

The forcefield comes back on, this time with no weak points. Fio and Jeni look around, confused, but Allison just looks down. The two youmas follow her gaze... to see the REAL ALLISON rise up from under the snow, holding her computer.

 **REAL-ALLISON:** I hope you enjoyed electrocuting that illusion my computer made!  
 **FAKE-ALLISON** (smile at Jeni): Sorry guys...

The illusionary Allison wavers, and fades away into static.

 **ALLISON:** I warned you that you weren't the only ones using illusions!

She sticks her tongue out at them and gives them the V (victory) sign.

 **ALLISON** (typing): Computer! Target the two youmas inside the forcefield!

The guns on the forcefield turn to point inside it.

 **FIO:** Oh no...

The two youmas start flying into the forcefield, trying to find a way out, but they keep bouncing off.

 **ALLISON:** BUBBLE SPRAY!

Allison fires a huge burst of fog at the sphere - it surrounds the sphere, before the gun emplacements start sucking it in and condensing it into ice. Then, they fire...

Allison watches the fog clear from around the forcefield. A ball of ice is contained within it, with Jenny and Fiona frozen inside. Allison presses the DELETE key on her keyboard and the forcefield and framework break down into their individual components and fall away, dropping the ball of ice to the ground.

She jumps for joy.

 **ALLISON** (absolutely overjoyed): Who defeated three youmas? I'll tell you who - the Sailor Soldier whose only power is making FOG, Sailor Mercury, that's who! (jumps again) WOOHOO!

A mass of coils come out of nowhere, wrapping themselves around Allison. They immediately start shocking her.

 **ALLISON:** AAALLAAAAAAAAGHHHHH! What... who...

Mela is holding the end of the coils! She's also holding her side where the ice hit her.

 **MELA:** That's it! No more Ms Nice Youma!  
 **ALLISON:** I guess I... miscalculated... IIAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHH!

**CUT TO:**

**LISA AND LAURA**  
Laura is pulling Lisa along by the hand when they hear Allison's screams. Lisa falls to the ground, and Laura turns to look at her.

 **LISA:** Those screams... they mean...  
 **LAURA:** Allison...  
 **LISA:** Laura... Allison's dead!

**CUT TO:**

**ALLISON**  
Allison's dead body lies on the snow. Mela slowly walks away from it, headed for the last 2 soldiers.  
BIYOMON flaps up to Allison's body.

 **BIYOMON** : Allison, you have to come quick! ShinleotranceAIBOmechateraskydramon is attacking Springfield! (looks at Allison) Uh, I'll come back... (flies away)

**CUT TO:**

**LISA**  
Lisa is still shocked.

 **LISA:** But she was even younger than me, Laura. She was a kid... half your or Minako's age.  
 **LAURA:** But just as intelligent as someone double my age. She knew exactly what could happen to her if she came with us, but she didn't care. All she cared about was what happened to you.  
 **LISA:** Laura...

Laura turns away from Lisa.

 **LAURA:** Before we came over to give you your brooch, Allison mentioned that this was very risky, and it could kill us. Back then we decided that our only role was to protect you. Minako and I tried to keep Allison and Jessica from coming, but they insisted even though it was dangerous.  
 **LISA:** Why? Why did you have to come?

Laura turns to face Lisa.

 **LAURA:** Because we all remembered now that the Sailor Soldiers were the guardians of the Moon Princess. And even if we're not the right soldiers and you're not the right princess, we all agreed this was something we had to do... (kneels, so her face is level with Lisa's) Princess.  
 **LISA:** Stop that Laura! I'm not the princess! (worried) Just... just please turn around and go home, before something else happens, okay? I'll defeat the Dark Kingdom by myself.  
 **LAURA:** I wouldn't be much of a guardian if ran away now. Lisa, you are the only one who can defeat Sin... daah, I mean Beryl. You need to save your strength for her.  
 **LISA:** But, but you're not a guardian, because I'm not the princess!  
 **LAURA** (smile): Well if you don't like guardian, how about babysitter? Your parents do pay me pretty well, it would be irresponsible of me to abandon you now.

Lisa glares at Laura.

 **LISA:** Now you're just being silly...

Laura suddenly looks alarmed, and looks up. Mela is circling above them.

 **LAURA:** Wait! They're here!  
 **LISA:** What?

Lisa runs up to Laura.

 **LAURA:** Stay behind me, Lisa!

She looks up at Mela, who starts to dive toward Laura.

 **LAURA:** SUPREME...

Laura's fists and tiara start to crackle with electricity, but she never releases it - Mela just dives straight past Laura and burrows under the ice.

 **LISA:** Huh?  
 **LAURA:** What was that about?

She's answered when a second later the ice under Laura rises into a huge hill. Laura balances on the top of the hill, until the top of the hill opens up like some huge monster's mouth and it swallows her.

 **LISA:** LAURA!

She runs up to the hill and starts trying to dig into it with her hands.

**CUT TO:**

**INSIDE THE HILL**  
Mela has Laura trapped in her coils, and is electrocuting her. Laura screams.

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE**  
Lisa tries to dig into the mountain, but isn't making much progress.

 **LISA** (shouting): Laura!  
 **KEARNEYITE** (OS): Feeling alone? Isolated?

Lisa looks up, and sees KEARNEYITE floating in the distance.

 **KEARNEYITE:** If it wasn't for you, they'd still be alive, you know.  
 **LISA:** but...  
 **KEARNEYITE:** They would have followed you into the jaws of death. And that's exactly where you took 'em.  
 **LISA:** but I...  
 **KEARNEYITE:** I wonder what they will say to you in the afterlife after I kill you?

Shot of Lisa's terrified face. She imagines Allison, Jessica and Minako standing in front of her.

 **GHOST-ALLISON** (disappointed): I can't believe you wasted all that time I bought you.  
 **GHOST-MINAKO** (angry): And after I was so sure you could do it? You've really betrayed me, Lisa!  
 **GHOST-JESSICA** (dismissive): Hmph. I should have known she wouldn't be able to hack it.  
 **LISA:** but I didn't mean... I never thought it could end this way...

The ghosts disappear. Kearneyite walks toward Lisa.

 **KEARNEYITE:** And all this trouble for one little plot device.

Lisa puts her hand on the Ginzuishou.

 **KEARNEYITE:** I've told the youma not to kill your friend. Give me the Ginzuishou, and we'll let both of you live.  
 **LISA:** You promise?  
 **KEARNEYITE:** I promise.

**CUT TO:**

**UNDER THE HILL**  
Mela is still shocking Laura. But Laura has both hands free.

 **LAURA:** You think you can beat me using lightning? You've got some guts!

Laura throws a punch, smacking Mela right in the face. She puts her other hand at Mela's throat.

 **LAURA:** Let's see how you like your own medicine! SUPREME THUNDER!

Laura releases a LOT of electricity into Mela.

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE**  
Lisa puts her hand on the Ginzuishou again, and starts to take it off the Moon Wand... but the hill behind her starts cracking with electricity.

 **LISA:** What the...  
 **KEARNEYITE:** Huh?

Storm clouds gather over the top of the hill. After a moment a gigantic bolt of lightning strikes the top of the hill, blowing it up. Lisa cowers and shields her head with her arms as snow and ice fly past her. When the blast clears, Lisa looks up...

Another pillar of ice is there - Mela is completely frozen into the base of the pillar. Laura is frozen halfway into the pillar - she can see Lisa and Kearneyite from where she is. Lisa gasps.

 **LISA:** Laura... no...  
 **KEARNEYITE:** You see? She must have struggled too hard. It's just you left now. Don't fight like she did - give me the Ginzuishou and I will spare you.

Lisa just stares at Laura.

 **LAURA** (weakly): get 'im, Lis...

She closes her eyes and goes limp. Lisa can just gasp and gape at her. Lisa looks down at the Ginzuishou in her hands, then over at Kearneyite.

 **LISA** (glaring): Not a chance.

She places the Ginzuishou back on the wand. KEARNEYITE is unimpressed.

 **KEARNEYITE:** Alright, you asked for it then. I'll just take that crystal from you now!

He draws his cape around him, and when he opens it up again he has a blade of red energy in each hand. He throws one blade at Lisa - she leaps out of the way.

 **KEARNEYITE:** Sit still, nerd!

He throws the second blade, but Lisa stands her ground this time, holding the Moon Wand up. The Ginzuishou starts to glow, and as the blade comes near Lisa she hits it with the Moon Wand.  
The energy blade is reflected back toward Kearneyite - he tries to draw his cape around him, but it passes through his cape and into him.

 **KEARNEYITE:** My own attack... damnit!

He fades away. Lisa falls to her knees, and looks up at Laura's body.

**FADE OUT**

**SNOWFIELD, LATER**  
Some distance away from Laura's pillar. Lisa sits on the snow, her head resting on her knees. She's crying.

 **LISA:** Jessica... Minako... Allison... Laura... I didn't mean for this to happen... this has got to be just a dream... a hallucination caused by a fever. If I call for mom, she'll come wake me... I'll compare test notes with Allison at school, Jessica will make fun of me, Laura will stop her... Minako will... aaah... aaah... aaah... achoo! Great. I've got a cold too. (sniff)  
 **ALLISON** (OS): Bless you.  
 **LISA:** Huh?

Lisa lifts her head, and looks over her shoulder. Closeup of GHOST-ALLISON and GHOST-MINAKO

 **GHOST-ALLISON:** Don't get discouraged, you need to focus!  
 **GHOST-MINAKO:** You only lose when you give up.

Closeup of GHOST-LAURA and GHOST-JESSICA

 **GHOST-LAURA:** Don't worry. We'll be protecting you.  
 **GHOST-JESSICA** (frowning, arms crossed): If you can get me punished for stealing a collection plate, you can damn well punish these creeps for killing us and trying to conquer the galaxy.  
 **GHOST-LAURA** (scolding): Jessica, I thought we were going to be nice...  
 **GHOST-JESSICA:** Ah, so I'm not nice. (smiles at Lisa)

Lisa looks at the four ghosts, and gets to her feet.

 **LISA:** Everyone... (sniff) you're here...  
 **GHOST-LAURA:** I told you before...  
 **GHOST-MINAKO:** We're going to be with you here. We're your guardians.  
 **GHOST-ALLISON:** Why the surprise, Lisa?  
 **LISA:** I don't know... (nervous) You seem somewhat happy for a bunch of dead people...  
 **GHOST-ALLISON:** Of course. We can't afford to send you on a guilt trip now.  
 **GHOST-JESSICA:** We're saving that for after the Dark Kingdom's gone!  
 **GHOST-LAURA** (raising fist): Jessica...  
 **GHOST-JESSICA:** Alright alright, it was just a joke! (to Lisa) Come on. We need to get going!  
 **GHOST-MINAKO:** Remember what they say, Lisa-chan! "Old soldiers never die, they just flake away."  
 **GHOST-ALLISON:** Ah... I don't think that's the right phrase, Minako.  
 **GHOST-MINAKO:** Oh? Sorry...  
 **GHOST-JESSICA:** Though given who's saying it, flake might be appropriate.  
 **GHOST-MINAKO:** Thank you, Jessica. (thinks for a moment, realization) HEY!

They fade away. Lisa looks happy.

 **LISA:** Everyone... thank you. I'll do my best!

She turns and runs across the ice toward the crater. Camera follows her for several seconds, as the crater walls loom up in front of her...

 


	8. A Final Fight Clone? I'd Prefer Another Story

**EXT: OUTSIDE CRATER - NIGHT**  
LISA stands at the foot of the crater, and looks up at it.

 **LISA:** Okay, how am I gonna get in here? I guess I better start climbing...

Lisa walks over to a red flag in the wall, and starts to climb up to another red flag that's on a ledge above her. Once she gets to the ledge she sits and mashes the Square button until she's warmed herself up again, and then walks up to another red flag and starts climbing again.

**CUT TO:**

**LEDGE**  
Lisa pulls herself up over the edge, and sits panting on the ledge.

 **LISA:** Ow, this is hard work... I wish there was an easier way...

Her wish is granted when a ball of pink energy forms around her.

 **LISA:** Huh? WHAT THE? Agh!

The ball carries Lisa through the crater wall.

 

A The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover

 **"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"**  
Part 8 : A Final Fight Clone? I'd Prefer Another Story.

by GKScotty

from an idea by Cuteswan

  


**CUT TO:**

**DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM**  
Lisa's ball floats through the nearly empty throne room. All the youma are gone and only Beryl remains. She sits on her throne, half shrouded in shadows.  
The ball deposits Lisa a dozen meters from Beryl's throne.

 **BERYL:** Welcome, Sailor Moon. I must congratulate you on finally getting here. I am Queen Beryl of The Dark Kingdom.  
 **LISA** (looking at her oddly, gets up): You're Queen Beryl? You brought me here?  
 **BERYL:** Correct.  
 **LISA** (whistle): Well, I guess that it explains it then...  
 **BERYL** (confused, eyebrow raises): Explains what?  
 **LISA:** Well, you just transported me past a grueling climb and an army of monsters that would definitely have weakened me to the point of exhaustion, at least! Never mind your maze-like network of caverns that would have taken me hours to negotiate...  
 **BERYL:** So?  
 **LISA:** Well, I'd always wondered where those stupid, stupid youma were getting it from.

Beryl goes red, and her face twitches.

 **BERYL:** IMPUDENCE!  
 **LISA:** Hey, don't worry about it too much, at least you're consistent...  
 **BERYL:** Grr! I was going to offer to let you live in exchange for the Ginzuishou, but now you can forget it! Endymion! Kill her and take the Silver Plot Device!

The shadows move, illuminating the part of Beryl that was in darkness. PRINCE ENDYMION (AKA MAMORU and TUXEDO KAMEN, but right now he's dressed in Endymion's armor) kneels beside Beryl, kissing her hand.

 **LISA:** TUXEDO KAMEN!

Endymion stands.

 **ENDYMION:** I obey, my queen.

He draws his sword, and takes a step toward Lisa.

 **LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen? What are you doing...

He leaps, and slashes at her with the sword. She quickly jumps out of the way, but lands badly and falls over backwards.

 **LISA** (stunned): Tuxedo Kamen...  
 **ENDYMION:** Who is Tuxedo Kamen? I am Prince Endymion of the Dark Kingdom. (raises sword) HA!

He stabs down at her repeatedly. She rolls out of the way and tries to rise, pulling out the Moon Wand and spinning it.

 **LISA:** You're... you're brainwashed! That must be it! Don't worry, Tuxedo Kamen, I'll save you! MOON HEALING ESCALATION!

Lisa holds out the wand, and rays of light start shooting toward Endymion. But they don't seem to have any effect. He just stares blankly at Lisa.

 **BERYL** (gloating): Dark energy now runs in Prince Endymion's veins. You will not be able to destroy it, little girl! You may have the silver crystal, but you will never be able to use it fully!  
 **LISA:** No... (tries harder) I will save Tuxedo Kamen!  
 **BERYL:** Kill her, Endymion!

Endymion leaps again.

 **ENDYMION:** DIE!  
 **LISA:** Aaagh!

She can't get out of the way quickly enough. Endymion cuts her arm, and Lisa falls over as she tries to dodge. She lies on the ground.

 **ENDYMION:** Sailor Moon...

He takes out a black rose. Lisa looks up at him.

 **ENDYMION** (coldly): Die.

He throws the rose at her. As it reaches Lisa it breaks apart into dozens of coils that try to wrap themselves around her, but Lisa manages to jump out of their way at the last minute and they grab onto nothing.

 **LISA:** I KNOW I can heal you! Ginzuishou, please help me this time! MOON HEALING ESCALATION!  
 **BERYL:** I've already told you, that is futile!

Lisa shoots her rays toward Endymion anyway. Shot of Lisa, who seems to be straining herself here. Shot of Endymion... at first he looks at her as blankly as before, but after a moment his features soften a little, and his expression changes to a more peaceful one.

 **ENDYMION** (softly): Sailor... Moon...  
 **LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen? (to self) It's working!  
 **ENDYMION** (slowly stepping forward : Sailor Moon... I... I...

Lisa stops using her attack. Endymion walks right up to her.

 **LISA** (hopeful): Yes?  
 **ENDYMION:** I think you're a fool.

**CUT TO:**

**SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM**  
MAGGIE sits on the couch. She glares at the camera.

 **MAGGIE:** Suck suuck.  
 **SUBTITLE:** It seems even she can be an idiot.

**CUT TO:**

**THRONE ROOM**  
Endymion reaches out and grabs Lisa's neck in one hand. He lifts her off the ground. She drops the Moon Wand in surprise.

 **LISA** (struggling): No! Tuxedo Kamen... no! Please...  
 **ENDYMION:** I am not Tuxedo Kamen! I am Endymion, future King of the Dark Kingdom. DIE, Sailor Moon!

He shocks her very heavily. Lisa SCREAMS like a blonde in a 50's alien movie. Several seconds of this pass.

 **BERYL:** There is no escape for you, Sailor Moon, and you cannot overwhelm the Dark Kingdom with your power level. Soon, our Queen Metallica will be revived

Lisa is still screaming.

 **BERYL:** That is enough, Endymion. She's starting to blow my eardrums.  
 **ENDYMION** (yelling): WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU FOR THE SCREAMS!  
 **BERYL:** I SAID KNOCK IT OFF!  
 **ENDYMION:** OH.

He drops Lisa, who crumples into a heap on the floor. Endymion then kicks her HARD in the stomach, sending her flying several feet, where she lands near the Moon Wand. The only sound is Lisa's moans and groans.

 **BERYL:** Now, Prince Endymion. You see Sailor Moon's lovely little head? REMOVE IT!

Endymion nods. Lisa tries to stretch for the Moon Wand, but she can't reach it.

 **BERYL:** That will do you no good. Prepare to rejoin your friends.

Lisa has a vision of Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako lying dead in the ice.

 **LISA:** I promised them...

Endymion puts on a pair of sunglasses, and raises his sword above her.

 **ENDYMION** (emotionless): Goodbye, Sailor Moon.  
 **LISA** (angry): My name... is LISA!

Acting almost completely out of instinct, Lisa flips up and jumps out of the swords way. She places a hand on Endymion's shoulder (as he goes down and she goes up) and vaults off it, jumping over his shoulder and behind him. As she does so she reaches for her forehead with her other hand...

A bewildered Endymion tries to turn and see where she's gone, but all he sees is the Moon Tiara spinning toward him as Lisa throws it.

The tiara smashes into his chest, and hurts him BADLY. It stays spinning there for several seconds, almost digging into him, while a surprised-looking Endymion looks down at it. Lisa looks slightly horrified at what she's just done.

Endymion drops to the floor, seemingly unconscious. The tiara stops spinning and clatters to the ground. Lisa gasps and rushes over to him, kneeling beside him.

 **LISA:** No! I'm meant to be healing him, not trying to kill him!

Endymion's eyes jerk open. He makes a guttural roar, and rises to his feet. He's REALLY PISSED OFF. Lisa kneels in front of him.

 **ENDYMION:** You...  
 **LISA** (upset): Stop...  
 **ENDYMION:** Sailor Moon...  
 **LISA:** I won't kill you, and I can't heal you... all I can do is ask you, please remember who you are! Please stop!

Endymion just roars, and raises his sword.

 **LISA** (screaming): For Serenity's sake, STOP!

**FADE TO BLACK**

 

 

 **AND FADE BACK IN...**  
Lisa and Endymion now stand in a pillar of light. Endymion still has his sword raised.

 **ENDYMION** (confused): P-princess Serenity...  
 **LISA:** Please try to remember. She was your love, long ago, Serenity! Maybe I had a crush on you once... but you two, you were in love!  
 **ENDYMION** (confused): She was... (rallies, glares at Lisa) No, Lies! Get ready to die!  
 **LISA:** You have been possessed by an evil force, you're not thinking like yourself! But I'm sure your love for her will be the one thing that the dark force would not be able to extinguish! Please remember your love, remember who you are, for Serenity's sake! I'm sure that she's waiting for you somewhere...

Endymion twitches.

 **ENDYMION:** No... I am a Prince of the Dark Kingdom! I have never heard of any Princess Serenity!  
 **LISA:** But... I never said she was a Princess.

Endymion twitches again. Lisa smiles up at him.

 **ENDYMION:** But... how... did I...  
 **LISA:** I will not fight you.

She reaches her palms out to him. The Ginzuishou is on them. He lowers his sword and looks at it.

 **ENDYMION:** After all that... you would give the Ginzuishou to me?  
 **LISA:** I think you're starting to see the truth.

Zoom in close to Lisa's hand as Endymion reaches out and touches the crystal. A bright light creeps over his fingertips, and quickly spreads over his entire body.

Beryl has to shield her eyes from the light.

 **BERYL:** What the...

The light gets so bright that we...

**FADE TO WHITE**

**CUT TO:**

**MONTAGE**  
Endymion talks to SERENITY at the Moon Kingdom balcony.  
They meet in the flower field.  
They kiss under the fireworks.

**CUT TO:**

**THE THRONE ROOM**  
Endymion falls to the ground. Lisa kneels over him, and he rises a little.

 **ENDYMION:** Sailor Moon... thank you.  
 **LISA:** You, you remember?  
 **ENDYMION:** Yes... you reminded me...  
 **LISA** (cheer): The plot device does it again! Woohoo!  
 **ENDYMION:** You really think she's waiting for me?  
 **LISA:** I'm sure of it... that or she's obsessing over someone who works in an arcade, hm, maybe you should hurry...

**CUT TO:**

**BERYL**  
Beryl scowls at them, and creates a black crystal out of thin air. It's about 2 feet long and very sharp...

 **BERYL:** No! I will not lose Prince Endymion again! You'll pay for this!

She lifts up the crystal, and throws it directly at them. Endymion looks over his shoulder, and sees it.

 **ENDYMION:** Look out!  
 **LISA:** Huh?

Endymion whips out a rose, and throws it at the crystal. The rose goes directly through the entire length of the crystal, splitting it into dozens of much smaller shards. The rose then continues on to Beryl - the stem sticks in to her, in-between her shoulderblades. The crystal shards keep flying toward Endymion and Lisa. Endymion throws himself over Lisa, to shield her from them. Most of the shards fly harmlessly over them, but a few hit Endymion!

**CUT TO:**

**CLOSEUP OF LISA AND ENDYMION**  
Lisa gasps as Endymion grimaces in pain!

 **LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen!

**CUT TO:**

**BERYL**  
Beryl reels from Endymion's attack. The rose is still stuck in her chest.

 **BERYL:** Why Endymion... why? If you had married me, you would have been King of the solar system... the universe...

Cracks start to spread across her skin from where the rose has hit her. She falls to her knees.

 **BERYL:** You, you... you won't get away with this! I'll have my revenge, Sailor Moon!

She passes through the floor, and disappears. Lisa gets out from Endymion, who doesn't look too good. He rolls over and lies on the ground, and she kneels by his head.

 **LISA:** Tuxedo Kamen! Are you alright, Tuxedo Kamen!?  
 **ENDYMION:** Hurry... you must get out of here...  
 **LISA:** Not without you, I can't!

She lifts his shoulders, and starts to drag him along the ground toward the exit.

 **ENDYMION:** You need to get out, Sailor Moon...  
 **LISA** (drag, drag): I told you... I'm called Lisa, Tuxedo Kamen.  
 **ENDYMION:** Oh? My name... I'm Mamoru, Lisa.  
 **LISA** (drag, drag): That's a nice name, Mamoru. (to self) That's it, keep him talking Lis... (to Mamoru) Don't worry, Mamoru. We'll get out of here after this, and we'll go looking for Serenity...

She looks at his face. His eyes have closed. Lisa drops his shoulders.

 **LISA:** Mamoru! Mamoru! Don't give up.  
 **MAMORU** (opens eyes): Lisa... go... I'm...  
 **LISA:** No! We're going to get out of here! We'll beat Beryl, and go find Serenity, and, and... (blurts it out) if it doesn't work out with her you can marry me in eight years!

Mamoru grins.

 **MAMORU:** I wish I could humor you... but I don't think I'll be around in eight years...  
 **LISA** (sad): But I need you... I can't defeat Beryl by myself.  
 **MAMORU:** I'm sure you can...  
 **LISA:** But how? I can't use the Ginzuishou...  
 **MAMORU:** But you don't know the true secret behind using the Ginzuishou...  
 **LISA:** The true secret?  
 **MAMORU:** The Ginzuishou is the ultimate plot device... and like any good plot device... it will never work like it should... (smile at Lisa) until you really need it...

He closes his eyes and goes limp.

 **LISA** (distraught): Come on, Mamoru! I didn't save you so that you could die! MAMORU!

**METALLICA'S CHAMBER**  
Beryl stumbles up the thin path leading to the place where Queen Metallica is sealed. Queen Metallica best resembles a strange black mist held within an organic bubble. A computer monitor is next to the bubble, but we can't see what's on it.

 **BERYL** (weak): Metallica... I beg of you... give me the power, the power to crush that loathsome child, her and her little dog, too!  
 **METALLICA** (monotone): Sorry, not enough energy. Come back later.  
 **BERYL:** D'oh!

**CUT TO:**

**BART'S ROOM**  
Bart sits working on his computer.

 **MARGE** (OS, shout): Bart! Come take out the trash!  
 **BART** (shout): Just a minute! (speak to self) I just have to set Kazaa to download "The Unforgiven II."

He clicks his mouse a few times.

**CUT TO:**

**METALLICA'S CHAMBER**  
Close-up of the computer monitor. A window is on the screen, titled "DATA ENERGY ACCUMULATED BY PEER TO PEER TROJAN YOUMAS." A number on the screen reads 999,999,999,999,994,285. It slowly clicks over to 1,000,000,000,000,106,341.

 **METALLICA** : Okay, now I have enough.  
 **BERYL:** Hot damn!  
 **METALLICA** (clears throat, more evil voice) Now is the time to bring hatred and ambition to the earth! Queen Beryl! Destroy everything but yourself and make this a world of darkness!

Metallica's prison breaks, and the evil mist breaks free. It glows brightly and moves erratically down to Beryl, who screams as it enters her.

**CUT TO:**

**THRONE ROOM**  
Lisa kneels by Mamoru's body.

 **LISA:** Allison... Jessica... Laura... Minako... and now Mamoru. I won't let you down! You've protected me and got me this far - I'm going to go do it! Even if it kills me I'll do it. Watch over me... everyone.

The room shakes, and stones fall from the ceiling. Lisa looks about in surprise, and then gets to her feet. She runs from the cave.

**SNOWFIELD - NIGHT**  
The black smoke stops rising out of the Dark Kingdom's crater. A huge crack forms in the ice, and what appears to be a huge black plant rises out of the crack. It's leaves are folded around so that it is a sphere. The plant gets much, much bigger, until it's over 100 feet tall, and then it blooms. Beryl stands in the center of the plant, she too is now over 100 feet tall. Now that she is imbued with Queen Metallica's power she's mostly dressed in leather, has mad rock-chick hair, and a mean looking electric guitar hangs at her side, on a shoulder strap.  
She just smirks and glares at the camera.

**ABOVE SPRINGFIELD - NIGHT**  
Lights are on all over Springfield, but they suddenly start to go out block-by-block.

**OUTSIDE SIMPSONS HOUSE - NIGHT**  
We can see HOMER, BART, MARGE and MAGGIE standing in the window. They're bunched together and look concerned - this is their last appearance for the rest of the fanfic, so enjoy it if you can. Camera pans up to the roof above the front door - LUNA and ARTEMIS sit on the roof. They too look concerned.

 **ARTEMIS** (slowly to self): It's the end of the world... and I feel fine...  
 **LUNA:** Oh no...

Luna bites back some tears, and runs for the edge of the roof. Artemis runs in front of her.

 **ARTEMIS:** Woah, Luna! Where are you going?  
 **LUNA:** We have to get to the arctic, Artemis! We have to stop the girls!  
 **ARTEMIS:** There's nothing we can do!  
 **LUNA:** But we must do something! If Lisa fights Beryl and uses the Ginzuishou... she will... she'll die! Just like Queen Serenity did!  
 **ARTEMIS** (quiet): But... then the world would be saved...

There's an awkward silence. Luna looks up at the sky.

 **LUNA** (shout): Don't do it Lisa! Don't use the Ginzuishou! You'll die!

**FADE OUT**

 

 

 

 **EXT: SNOWFIELD - NIGHT**  
BERYL looks out over the snowfields.

 **BERYL:** At last... the dark power is within me! Queen Metallica's power is my own! (spreads arms and laughs) The world is mine!

A quiet moment. A silhouette is seen in the distance. Beryl looks over her shoulder.  
LISA walks slowly toward Beryl! She stops in front of Beryl and glares up at her.

 **BERYL** (contempt): So you're finally here. This time, (raises hands) you will DIE!

Black lightning crackles in Beryl's hands, and she throws it down at Lisa. The lightning hits Lisa dead on. From a distance we see a huge pillar of ice rise from the spot where Lisa was standing. Beryl stops throwing her lightning, and a moment later a platform suddenly appears at the top of the pillar.

 **BERYL:** Huh?

  


Close-up of the platform. PRINCESS LEITHA stands on it, about 50 feet above the ground, holding the Moon Wand in front of her. As the name implies, she is dressed in the white dress she wore in the Moon Kingdom, and she has a crescent moon symbol on her forehead. The Ginzuishou glows brightly from its place on the Moon Wand. Her eyes are closed.

 **BERYL:** Impossible!

Leitha opens her eyes, and looks at the Moon Wand.

 **LEITHA:** I've never felt comfortable with this thing.

She starts to twirl the wand quickly, passing it from hand to hand and doing all sorts of fancy stuff with it. She eventually passes it to her right hand and throws it straight up in the air.  
Follow the wand as it flies into the air. It glows brightly, and rapidly starts getting bigger. The wand's shape changes too - it twists itself into an S-shape, and one end gets much wider while the other gets a little smaller.  
It finally falls back down to Lisa, and stops glowing... to reveal the MOON SAXOPHONE! It's a golden saxophone, with crescent moon symbols on each of the keys. The Ginzuishou is set into the metal, just below the mouthpiece.

 **LEITHA:** Now, this is more like it!

Beryl grabs her guitar, and pulls out a guitar pick decorated with horns and claws.

 **BERYL:** So that's the way you want to play it, brat? Fine! You'll regret it though!

The two stare at each other for several seconds. Bells toll in the background. The words **CHARGE** briefly appears on the screen in green letters.  
Beryl growls, and starts to play - she plays the first two bars of "Moonlight Densetsu!" (the guitar opening)

(Note to Simpsons fans - a video of the Japanese Sailor Moon opening theme can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2URRetsnU7c). Full lyrics [here](http://sailormusic.net/lyrics/moonlight-densetsu/)

)

As Beryl plays, a wave of dark energy shoots out from her guitar! The energy speeds toward Leitha, but she takes a deep breath and starts to play, playing the first 8 bars of "Moonlight Densetsu." (backup instruments, drums etc, come in at this point too. The style of the song is Jazz) As she does so, an equal force comes from her saxophone, which shields Leitha from the blast. Beryl's evil energy crackles off Leitha's shield, and the two are deadlocked. Leitha finishes playing, and sings the first verse.

 **LEITHA** (singing):  
Well I'm sorry that I'm not the Princess,  
But I can say that only in my dreams,  
Did I think I could get into such weirdness,  
But it's ending right now.

Sometimes the speeches made me want to cry,  
The author shouldn't have wrote it after midnight,  
But I do good so this is what I can do,  
We need to end this grand rip-off.

She stops singing, and starts to play the sax again, playing an instrumental of the chorus. While Leitha has been singing and as she plays the sax, her shield grows as she releases even more energy. Eventually she's drawing even with Beryl. But as Leitha plays the last few notes of the chorus, Beryl deliberately plays some very loud and out of tune chords, distracting Leitha. Leitha stops playing.

 **LEITHA:** What the...

The words **ATTACK** appear onscreen in orange letters. Beryl starts to improvise a guitar solo as the drums and bass continue on a loop. Generally the style of the music changes to Rock. Leitha's shield shrinks rapidly - she's forced to hold the Moon-Saxophone in front of her as her only defense, as her shield is barely large enough to protect her.

 **BERYL** (gloating): You! Now I remember you! You're that common child that Queen Serenity adored so much. Ha! They couldn't find the real princess, so they sent the substitute! How pathetic!  
 **LEITHA:** Hey! Don't mock substitutes! Given the chance, a substitute can do a great job, trust me, I know!  
 **BERYL:** Hmph. This is not your fight girl. You should not have come here.  
 **LEITHA:** Not my fight? You're trying to destroy the world I live in! That makes it my fight, and everyone else's!

Beryl ends her solo with the 2-bar intro again. The musical style changes back to Jazz, as Leitha takes a breath and starts to sing another verse.

 **LEITHA:**  
So we'll be celebrating at the weekend  
'cause I foresee a clichéd happy end  
 **I** came real close to beating big business!  
So I can surely handle you!

As she sings, Leitha's shield starts getting bigger again. Leitha takes a deep breath and starts to play her saxophone again, following the melody. The Ginzuishou glows brightly and the shield grows rapidly until she's equal to Beryl again, but Beryl plays bad chords again and throws Leitha off her rhythm.

 **LEITHA:** Not again!

Musical style changes to rock, and Beryl starts improvising again. Leitha's shield shrinks rapidly, and once again she has to shield herself with the saxophone!

 **BERYL:** Why? Why try to save this world?  
 **LEITHA:** Because I still believe! I gotta believe!

Leitha's ice platform starts to crumble and break under Beryl's attack.

 **BERYL:** In what? In love? In friendship? In trust?  
 **LEITHA:** I believe in this world, and it's potential! And that it deserves better than destruction!  
 **BERYL:** Fool! This world is foul and corrupt! It cannot be improved or redeemed! It never shall!

The ice on the ground breaks up under the pressure, creating a huge pit beneath both of them

 **LEITHA:** No, you're wrong! Before any of this happened, I tried to change the world, and I'll keep trying after this! Changing the world isn't a job reserved for special people, anyone can do it! Whether you clean pollution, become a cancer-research scientist, or be a Pretty Suited Soldier for Love and Justice, you can try to make the world a better place! And even if Luna takes my brooch away after this, I'll keep trying to make things better in other ways! And no cutting corners!  
 **BERYL:** But in the end, it is only a few who matter - the Soldiers and their enemies! Nobody else has any meaning to their life without them!  
 **LEITHA:** Not true! Because once you are defeated, there will still be pollution and cancer, at least for a while. Who has the stronger enemy, the Soldiers or those "meaningless" people?  
 **BERYL** (angry): You... dare compare me with an oilspill? That does it! DIE!

Beryl plays louder. The force of her energy pushes Leitha backwards on her platform, and she staggers.

 **LEITHA** (to self): Everyone... (images of Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako pass over the screen) please... lend me your strength!

Music changes back to Jazz as a saxophone plays the 2-bar intro that ends Beryl's improvisation. The words **FINAL** appear onscreen in pink letters.  
Closeup of the saxophone - it has a symbol in it that resembles a O+ with ears.  
Closeup of some drumsticks hitting a drum set.  
Closeup of a gloved hand playing a bass guitar with a pick whose top is shaped like a 4.  
Closeup of a gloved hand spinning a microphone.

Long view of the entire platform. GHOST-ALLISON, GHOST-JESSICA, GHOST-LAURA and GHOST-MINAKO are behind Lisa. Allison plays her Saxophone. Jessica is sat at a drum kit. Laura plays bass guitar. Minako sings and dances a little. They launch into the final chorus.

 **MINAKO** (sings):  
Looks like, we'll have her beat soon, (Laura and Jessica add harmony) Liiiisa-chan!

**CUT TO:**

**SIMPSONS ROOF**  
The music get quieter. LUNA and ARTEMIS are here, singing along. They sway in time to the beat.

 **LUNA/ARTEMIS** (singing):  
We may have screwed up, but they've muddled though!

**CUT TO:**

**THE BATTLE**  
Music returns to normal volume. Everyone plays the two-bar segment together. Leitha's shield grows GREATLY. Beryl tries to throw in some duff chords, but she can't compete with the coordinated music of the Soldiers. Minako takes over singing the melody, while Leitha starts wildly improvising a counter-melody on her saxophone.

 **MINAKO:**  
If we should count every star in the sky,  
It probably won't help us getting a great guy,

 **ALLISON:** MERCURY POWER! (gem in tiara glows)

 **MINAKO** :  
Because somewhere on the Earth is

 **JESSICA** : MARS POWER! (gem in tiara glows)

 **MINAKO** :  
A Miracle Romancu.

 **LAURA** : JUPITER POWER! (gem in tiara glows)

Leitha stops playing.

 **LEITHA:**  
I do believe there is,

 **MINAKO** : VENUS POWER! (gem in tiara glows)

 **LEITHA:**  
A Miracle Romancu! (yells) MOON PRISM POWER!

Penultimate note is held while Leitha speaks. Then she plays the final note of the song on the Moon Saxophone, LOUDLY.

 **BERYL:** Huh? What the?

The Ginzuishou flares brightly as Leitha uses its full power, and shoots a ball of energy at Beryl. The ball expands rapidly, until it's even bigger than Beryl, and then it consumes her.

 **BERYL:** Huh? UWAAAAAAAAGH!

She fades away into nothing.

Lisa's dress turns back into her Sailor uniform. The ghosts of her friends are already gone. (and Ghost-Jessica is gone too, natch) Lisa falls over backward, exhausted...

 **LISA:** Thanks... everyone...

She smiles, and dies.

**CUT TO:**

**FAR SHOT OF LISA'S PLATFORM**  
The ball of energy is still growing. It reaches Lisa's platform, and breaks the platform into pieces. Lisa's body falls into the energy, followed by the Moon Saxophone, and they both disappear.

**CUT TO:**

**THRONE ROOM**  
ENDYMION'S body still lies on the floor. The energy breaks through the walls of the room, and consumes him...

 **LISA** (VO): I wake at 8 AM. School starts in an hour and I can't be late, so I get up.

**CUT TO:**

**VIEW OF THE EARTH FROM SPACE**  
The pink energy can clearly be seen from space now, over the arctic circle.

 **LISA** (VO): I go downstairs and eat. Dad is slouched in front of the TV, already drinking a beer. Mom washes the dishes, limiting herself to this house and not exploring her potential.

**CUT TO:**

**LAURA'S PILLAR**  
The energy ekes its way along the snowfields, consuming Laura's pillar.

 **LISA** (VO): Bart tries to gross me out with his cereal. Maggie is throwing her food. Yet though I may resent my family sometimes, I do love them. I would not change them for a queen or a king, or any number of princes and princesses.

**CUT TO:**

**ALLISON'S BODY**  
The energy continues along the snowfields, consuming Allison's dead body.

 **LISA** (VO): I go to school, and there I'm teased for being a nerd and a geek. But it doesn't matter. The few friends I do have console me, try to cheer me up. They are the most precious things in the world to me.

**CUT TO:**

**MINAKO'S PILLAR**  
The energy consumes Minako's pillar.

 **LISA** (VO): After school we head home, and I pass into the Kwik-E-Mart to pick up a copy of "Non-Threatening Boys." And for a little while my friends and I indulge our fantasies - however unlikely I may know they are.

**CUT TO:**

**JESSICA'S PILLAR**  
Energy yadda yadda Jessica's pillar.

 **LISA** (VO): After that, the last thing I do in the day is study. I am killing time you see, until I am old enough to change the world. Study, so that when you're older you can make a lasting difference. I live for the day I receive my Nobel Peace Prize. That's the right way for me to change the world.

**CUT TO:**

**SPACE AGAIN**  
The sphere of energy can now be very clearly seen.

 **LISA** (VO): Family, friends, my future, these are the things that make me happy. That is Lisa Simpson's life. The life I want back...

The view of the earth is eclipsed by the moon.

 **LISA** (VO): The life I want back...

**MIX TO :**

**SPRINGFIELD SKYLINE**  
The moon turns into a crescent-moon shape, and we pull back to see the whole of the skyline. Dawn comes.

 

**EXT: SIMPSONS HOUSE - MORNING**

**MARGE** (OS, shout): Lisa! If you don't get up soon you'll miss the bus!

Zoom in to Lisa's bedroom window.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S FLOOR - CLOSEUP OF LUNA**  
LUNA lies on the rug beside Lisa's bed. She looks upset.

 **LUNA** (sad, to self): You won't find her here, Marge... she's... gone...  
 **LISA** (OS, interrupting, shouts): What? Coming mom!

A pair of bare feet land on the rug beside Luna. All we can see are the feet and the hem of a blue nightdress. Luna looks up in shock.

 **LUNA** (to self): What the...

The feet move around Luna quickly, occasionally needing to dance around her and step over her. Their owner seems to be in a bit of a rush. The nightdress is soon replaced with a red dress with a spiky hem. Red shoes are pulled onto the feet. And then the feet bolt out of the door.

 **LUNA** (shocked): But... but...

**CUT TO:**

**SIMPSONS KITCHEN**  
HOMER, MARGE, BART and MAGGIE sit around the table, eating breakfast. LISA bursts into the room and grabs a slice of toast in one hand, and Bart's collar in the other.

 **LISA:** Come one Bart! If we don't move we'll miss the bus again!

Lisa drags him out his chair and out the house.

 **BART:** Urk!

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE THE HOUSE**  
Luna climbs out of Lisa's window and heads up onto the roof, where she and ARTEMIS watch Lisa drag outside... just in time to miss the bus.

 **LISA:** Oh noooo...

She runs off down the street, dragging Bart behind her.

 **BART:** But Lis (going into distance) I left my schoolbag...  
 **ARTEMIS:** It's a miracle! The Dark Kingdom is gone... and everything is back the way it was!

**CUT TO:**

**OUTSIDE CHURCH**  
Lisa runs by in the background, dragging Bart. In the foreground, JESSICA is scrubbing the steps of the church, watched by REVEREND LOVEJOY.

**CUT TO:**

**SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM - LATER**  
MS HOOVER walks around the classroom, handing out recent test papers. JANEY turns to Lisa, frowns, and holds up her test paper which reads 9/20. Lisa tries to look humble, but eventually holds up her test paper and smiles - 19/20. Janey glares at Lisa, and they're both interrupted by Allison, who pops up from behind Lisa with her own test paper and a big grin - 20/20.  
Both Lisa and Janey glare at Allison.

 **ALLISON** (confused): What? What'd I do?

**CUT TO:**

**EIGHTH GRADE CLASSROOM, SPRINGFIELD JUNIOR HIGH**  
LAURA sits at a desk. MINAKO wanders into the classroom, looking confused.

 **LAURA:** You look lost.  
 **MINAKO:** I think I might be. I wasn't expecting to wake up in America this morning...

**CUT TO:**

**SCHOOL PLAYGROUND**  
Recess is on. Lisa, Allison and Janey are being bullied by a bunch of 5th grade girls. One of them pushes over Allison, another pulls Lisa's hair, a third grabs Janey by the collar and picks her up.

 **BULLY** : Come on, where's your lunch money?  
 **JANEY:** Urk!

There is a loud cough from behind the bullies, and they turn to see Jessica looking at them. She frowns and shakes her head. The bullies immediately put down Lisa, Allison and Janey and dust their clothes off, before skulking off to find someone else to bully.  
Lisa, Janey and Allison look at Jessica, who just quietly nods at them and walks off.

**CUT TO:**

**STREETS**  
Laura and Minako walk home together.  
Whip pan to another street. Lisa, Allison and Janey walk home together.  
Whip pan to another street. Jessica rides sidesaddle on Bart's bike, as he pedals her to a street corner. She hops off the bike, and he closes his eyes and puckers his lips. Jessica just rolls her eyes and walks away from him.

**CUT TO:**

**SPLIT SCREEN**  
Split screen showing all 3 groups. They all look up at once, as a black shadow falls over everyone.

**CUT TO:**

**LISA'S GROUP**  
They look up at Eva-01 (Milhouse's giant purple robot) which towers over the skyline. It wobbles, and starts to fall.

 **MILHOUSE** (OS, filtered): Look out below!

It falls.

**CUT TO:**

**SIMPSON ROOF**  
Luna and Artemis wince at the BOOM that the falling Eva-01 makes as it hits the ground. Artemis shrugs his shoulders and turns to Luna.

 **ARTEMIS** (embarrassed grin): Well, at least some things are back the way they were.

Luna laughs a little, and then becomes serious.

 **LUNA:** But all the same... it's sad... the Ginzuishou brought them back to life, but they'll have lost their memories of their time together as Sailor Soldiers...  
 **LISA** (OS): Who said we'd lost our memories?

Luna and Artemis look down from the roof. Lisa, Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako are grouped together beneath them.

 **LISA:** Sure it was weird, and embarrassing, occasionally traumatic, and didn't make much sense sometimes... but I made some friends, and it was fun, and in the end we did something good. Why would I want to forget that?

All the other girls nod and murmur their agreement.  
Luna jumps down from the roof, landing in front of Lisa. Artemis follows her.

 **ARTEMIS:** Heh. I had a feeling things would work out like this.  
 **LUNA:** You did? How could you know something like that?  
 **ARTEMIS:** Well, she did have the ultimate plot device. With that thing, a happy ending is practically guaranteed.  
 **LUNA** (angry): You figured that out, and you didn't tell me? You just let me worry?  
 **LISA** (smile): You were worried, Luna? I... I thought you'd be angry.  
 **LUNA** (angry): Angry? Of course I was angry! But... I was more worried. I didn't want to let you go because I thought you'd die!  
 **LISA:** Luna...  
 **LUNA:** But now... I'm glad you went, (pause for emphasis) Sailor Moon.  
 **ALLISON** (interrupting): Sooo... what happened to the Ginzuishou anyway?

Everyone looks at Lisa.

 **LISA:** How should I know? I was dead when it disappeared... it could be anywhere.  
 **ARTEMIS:** Well, it'll turn up again. Things like that can't stay hidden...

**BACK ALLEY IN JUBANN WARD, TOKYO - DAY**  
The alley is empty apart from a dumpster. After a moment the dumpster lid opens, and MAMORU climbs out. He's dressed in black trousers and his usual green jacket. Once in the alley, he looks at the dumpster.

 **MAMORU:** **<** Now how the heck did I get in there?>

Mamoru puts his hands in his jacket pockets... and suddenly looks surprised. He pulls one hand out, to reveal that the Ginzuishou was in there...

 **MAMORU:** **<** The Ginzuishou has been left with me?>

He wanders out into the street, obviously a little disoriented. As he walks he becomes aware that a large piece of paper from the dumpster is stuck to the sleeve of his jacket. Grimacing, he peels it off, rolls it up into a ball of paper, and casually throws it over his shoulder.

**CUT TO:**

**VIEW OF SOMEONE'S HAIR**  
The hair in question is blonde, and tied up in two balls on either side of the head. A long pigtail runs from each ball. The paper ball bounces off the person's head.

**CUT TO:**

**BACK TO MAMORU**  
Mamoru keeps walking, until...

 **VOICE** (female, angry, OS): **<** Hey! Watch where you're throwing that, Mister!>

Mamoru turns and sees USAGI TSUKINO approaching him, murder on her mind.

 **MAMORU** (contempt): **<** Oh, it's just you, dumpling head.>  
 **USAGI** : **<** Hey! For the last time, they are not dumplings!>  
 **MAMORU:** **<** You should watch that temper, dumpling head. It doesn't make you look very ladylike.>  
 **USAGI** : **<** Ladylike? I'll show you who's ladylike!> (sticks her tongue out and gives a raspberry)  
 **MAMORU** (sigh): **<** Okay, okay... (turns away, looks at Ginzuishou) Now if you'll excuse me... (looks back at her over shoulder) I have to find my Princess.>

He puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks away. Usagi stops doing her raspberry, and looks quite touched now.

 **USAGI** (stunned): **<** He's looking for... a Princess? (lovey dovey) How Romantic! (realizes how she's acting) No wait, I am not getting a crush on that weirdo! (glaring) Hate, hate, hate, hate him Usagi... (a pause, she gives up) Oooh, he's so handsome!>

**CUT TO:**

**CAFÉ IN JUBANN TENTH STREET SHOPPING DISTRICT, TOKYO**  
MAKOTO KINO sits at a table. She's quite tall for her age, and has brown hair tied up in a single ponytail.

 **MAKOTO** (to camera): **<** You know, I can't help but get the feeling something's missing...>

A girl sitting at a table behind and to the left of Makoto turns around in her chair. She has long black/purple hair and wears the costume of a Shinto Shrine Maiden.

 **REI HINO** : **<** You have that feeling too? I thought it was just me!>

A girl sitting behind and to the right of Makoto turns in her chair. This one wears a school uniform, has glasses and has short blue hair.

 **AMI MIZUNO** : **<** Excuse me for interrupting, but are you referring to the feeling that your destiny has been whisked away from you and that something monumental has happened without you? Or are you referring to the fact I can't seem to find my calculus textbook?>  
 **REI** : **<** The former.>  
 **MAKOTO** : **<** Yeah. This is strange...>  
 **AMI** : **<** Three strangers have the exact same odd feeling... that's a bizarre coincidence.>  
 **REI** : **<** My Shinto-Sense is tingling...>  
 **MAKOTO** : **<** Well, I guess it'll clear up soon. That, or maybe I can be involved next time...>

Pan over to another table. NARU OSAKA sits here.

 **NARU** (to camera): **<** Frankly, I can't complain. Not one monster has attacked me in this whole story!>

**OUTSIDE SIMPSONS HOUSE - DAY**  
Lisa, Luna, Artemis, Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako are still here.

 **JESSICA:** So that's it then?  
 **ARTEMIS:** Yeah. The Dark Kingdom is gone.  
 **JESSICA:** Alright! Well, if you'll excuse me... (pulls out a HUGE spatula) I have the sudden urge to chase Bart with this. See you later!

She runs off.

 **ALLISON:** Oh, I just remembered! We still have to find the eighth child! (pulls out woolen hat and puts it on head) Sorry to run guys, I'll see you later!

She runs off.

 **MINAKO** (to Artemis): So Artemis, how are we going to get back home to Japan?  
 **ARTEMIS:** I... don't know. The plane to the USA and renting the apartment was the last straw, I'm out of money.  
 **MINAKO:** What? But... that means we're stranded here! What will we do?  
 **ARTEMIS** (starts walking away): Well, I know I'm off to the benefit office. I don't know about you Minako... you might need to get a job or something...  
 **MINAKO** (following him): A job? I can't get a job...

They walk away. Lisa looks up at Laura.

 **LAURA:** Well, I think I'll just head home. I've had enough Shoujo weirdness for a lifetime...  
 **VOICE** (loud, female): Please... help save our world... Legendary Magic Knights!  
 **LAURA:** Uh oh...

Laura falls through the grass. Lisa watches her go.

 **LISA** (hands on hips): Well, it's nice to see things are starting to get back to normal!  
 **LUNA:** So Lisa... what will you do now?  
 **LISA:** Try to get back to being an average schoolgirl... or at least as close as you can get to that nowadays. What about you Luna?  
 **LUNA:** I'm afraid I'll have to go now. I still have to find the Princess.  
 **LISA** (bend down, fondly): Well...  
 **LUNA:** I suppose this is goodby...

Lisa scoops up Luna and gives her a tight hug.

 **LISA:** Good luck, Luna, and thanks for the weird ride!  
 **LUNA:** No... thank you for finally being the right girl, Lisa! Even if I didn't see it. And by the way... you can keep the brooch.  
 **LISA:** Don't you need it back Luna?  
 **LUNA:** I'll tell you a secret, Lisa... those things are a dime a dozen at Magical-Girls-R-Us.  
 **LISA:** Ah...

**LISA'S ROOM - DAY**  
Lisa sits on her bed, playing her saxophone. JANEY sits against the wall, reading a copy of Non-Threatening-Boys.

 **JANEY:** Hey, Lisa! Check this out! (holds up a picture of some pretty-boy) He's cute!

Lisa stops playing, looks at the picture, and smiles.

 **LISA:** Ah, I think I'll stop getting that magazine... from now on, I'm reserving all my crushes for boys I can actually meet!

Lisa starts playing again.

 **JANEY:** Oh? Well, you never know Lisa! He could be the boy of your dreams!

Lisa stops playing again.

 **LISA:** My dreams? Sorry Janey... I've already got a dream!  
 **JANEY:** Oh?  
 **LISA:** Just when everything looks bad, a...

There is a cough from below Lisa. She looks down, and sees a small white cat on her bed. This cat stands on it's hind legs, and wears a pair of tiger-like gloves.

 **LISA:** Huh? A cat?  
 **CAT** : Excuse me, my name's Gatomon. You wouldn't be the eighth child, would you?  
 **LISA** (suspicious): This isn't for a weird adventure, is it?   
 **GATOMON** : Ah, sort of...

Lisa glares at Gatomon. She moves quickly, and pulls a HUGE MALLET out of nowhere, which she waves menacingly at Gatomon.

 **LISA:** Sorry. I'm already taken.  
 **GATOMON** (sweatdrop): Um... okay...! Sorry to bother you! (running from the mallet of doom) Bye!  
 **JANEY:** What was that about? Man, those things are getting everywhere!

**THE END**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (2002 notes)
> 
> Hellos (in no particular order) go to Graham, Christina, Stan, Sheana, Adam, Jenny, Aoife, KANG, that Danish guy everyone hates (Kidding, Soren!), Craig, Dan, special thanks to Fiona for the Japanese translations and Marco for the pictures, and of course Rich Wilson, who sent me my Sailor Moon episodes in the first place, knowing full well I liked crossovers, and is therefore directly responsible for this travesty. Bad boy.
> 
> (2014 notes)
> 
> Additional hellos (in no particular order) to Beb, Pat, Alex, May, Enhas, Tony, Terry, Fernie, Missy for telling me about this site, and anyone else I've likely forgotten. Special thanks to Viz (for new subs) and Shadowjack for renewing my interest in Sailor Moon and inspiring me to get writing again, with a view to finishing Simpson Moon R.
> 
> I remain very fond of this fic, though with hindsight I can see it maybe hewed too closely to the original anime's story despite my attempts to streamline and mix things up a bit. Some things I regret, some things I love, nothing left in this edition is anything I feel I HAVE to change now. Gosh I hope the song worked out...
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope to move on to finishing Simpson Moon R next, which is more of its own plot. Hope you enjoyed this.


End file.
